Homestuck truth or dare!
by xEmistuckx
Summary: What happens when a fandom can dare 24 trolls and 8 kids? I don't know! Just be prepared...it's a full house! Rated T for Karkat!
1. Chapter 1

**Wow. I am now writing 2 stories at once and now I'm adding a third! That's right, another homestuck truth or dare. Wait! Don't leave! **

Karkat: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

Emi: The reader of the next game.

Karkat: WHAT?

*Zap*

**We are now in a large mansion. There is unlimited amounts of everything you need to house 24 trolls and 8 kids. And if that isn't enough, you own a large portal to bring in exiles, food and practically any weird stuff you guys need. Except, there are no dares.**

Karkat: NO DARES? WHY NOT?

Emi: I just put this out. No one has read it y et.

Karkat: OH

Emi: Where is everyone else anyway?

Karkat: I DON'T KNOW, TEREZI WAS SUPPOSED TO PICK THEM UP IN HER CAR.

Emi: Well she's la-OH MY GOD!

Karkat: What!

Emi: Just…stay here and call me if you get any dares. Don't read them just…just call me.

*Transports to burning car and tree*

Emi: This is going to be a long story.

**Okay, so here are the rules:**

**Nothing crazy, I'm only 6 sweeps old.**

**All shippers are welcome! Try to keep them somewhat canon, if you can.**

**You can include alpha and beta kids and trolls. Kankri, Karkat, Rose, Roxy etc. Just try to use main characters. No members of the felt or black and white queen and stuff like that. You can, however, include WV.**

**Don't repeat already done dares. Keep up with the story. **

**Have fun! **


	2. Chapter 2

**In front of you is a crashed SUV, surrounded by teenage trolls. They all look very distraught. If you closer, you can see that Terezi Pyrope is sitting on the top, desperately trying to reach Karkat's cell. **

Emi: Uh, Guys? What the heck happened?

Terezi: F1N4LLY! SOM3BODY D3C1D3S TO COM3 H3LP!

Emi: What do you mean finally? How long have you guys been here?

Nepeta: Purrhaps a few hours.

Kankri: Exactly 5.68 h9urs.

Emi: Okay…well, I am here now.

Terezi: TH4NK GOG!

Emi: Everyone in the…oh…

**Your eyes drift to the crashed car. There was only one other way to get home.**

**You have to use…**

**YOUR AUTHOR POWERS!**

**(Dun duh duh dun!)**

**You gather your strength and with one bold clap you-**

Emi: Wait.

**What? You can't talk to me! I am you!**

Emi: Yea, and since we share knowledge, I know that you, I mean we, have no powers. This isn't some stupid Superman comic.

**Way to rain our parade, me. God, can you lighten up?**

Emi: I'm stuck with no way to get home and your sitting behind a computer, munching on blueberries. I see no reason why I should be as sunny as a fucking egg!

**Wow. Language. How did you get here?**

Emi: I snapped.

**Then snap again! **

**I can't believe we are this stupid.**

Emi: Well…the smoke from the car is getting to my head.

**No it's not.**

Emi: Well, no one asked you!

Terezi: WHO 4R3 T4LKING TO?

Emi: Myself.

Terezi: :?

Emi: Long story.

**Hey, we've got time. I think there's some popcorn in the cabinet…**

Emi: Oh my god shut up! **Emily yells to a mysterious force above her.**

Emi: Stop narrating me!

**How? You keep doing stuff.**

Emi: Not if I narrate myself! *Emi yells*

Nepeta: Oh boy! Are we roleplaying?

Terezi: 1'M 4 DR4GON! R4WR!

Emi: *takes stupid narrators advice and snaps. All the trolls are appear back the mansion. The narrator is nowhere to be seen.*

**I'm right here. **

Emi: Uggh!

Karkat: DON'T WORRY I DIDN'T READ ANY OF YOUR FUCKING DARES.

Emi: We got dares?

Karkat: NO.

**Ha ha. He fooled you.**

Karkat: ARE YOU HEARING SHIT?

Emi: Thank god, I thought it was only me.

Karkat: HOW DO YOU GET RID OF IT?

Emi: *Emi shrugs. She wished she knew.*

**Oh well. I wish I knew too. This is getting the story nowhere.**

Emi: Are you saying that I can agree with myself?

**Apparently.**

Emi: Hmmm…alright, do you want you stay?

**Can I narrate? That's what I'm here for.**

Emi: Fine. Just, get something done, like organize the trolls.

**Uggh, fine. YO trolls! Sit in two lines, blood color order!**

Emi; I don't think that's going to- **All trolls obey the narrator, even Karkat, who grumpily sits parallel to Kankri. **

Emi: 0_0

**Yes. Now, let's check to see if any more reviews popped up. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Yea, sorry I wrote chapter 2 last night while there were still no reviews. It got a little crazy. This chapter should balance things out.**

Emi: Who are you talking to?

**The reviewers.**

**We got some!**

Emi: Reallly?

**Yup. The first one is from Obsessive fangirl 03.**

**It says….Karkat: Make out with Terezi.**

**Oh…oh my god.**

Emi: This goes against all I have ever shipped but, Karkat! Terezi! Obsessivefangirl03 wants sloppy makeouts!

Karkat: WHAT! **Karkat blushes.**

Terezi: 1T'S 4 D4R3, YOU H4V3 TO DO 1T.

Karkat: FINE. JUST, NOT OUT HERE.

**Karkat and Terezi walk into nearby closet. Nepeta's heart breaks.**

**Emily puts on Team Nepeta shirt to cheer her up.**

Emi: I have one for you to!

***Fangirl screech***

Emi: Okay? Anyway, we have one more dare.

Nepeta: We only got mew?

Emi: There are a ton of these things. I'm sure I'm not the first truth or dare you guys have been too, and or read.

Aradia: 0_0

**Em…Aradia's staring at me**

Emi: Well, don't look at her back. I still have to read the dare.

Emi: Hey, where's the computer?

**This one is from 8****th**** dimension**

**It says: I dare Karkat, Gamzee, Mituna, Eriden, Cronos and, (I'm sorry...) Tavros to play slender.**

**OH! This one looks good! Too bad Mituna's words are gobbily-gook.**

Emi: It's called mspa-wiki. Look it up.

Emi: Alright, Karkat, Gamzee, Mituna, Eridan, Cronus and tav, to the computer!

Emi: Karkat? KARKAT!

**Karkat falls happily out of the closet. Terezi follows.**

**:(**

Emi: Alright, I hooked up a projector to the computer so we can all watch this game fail miserably!

Tavros: i HOPE NOT,,,

**A few minutes into the game:**

Gamzee: TuRn RiGhT mOtHeRfUcKeR!

Tavros: aHHHHHH!

Cronus: Outta the wvay! You guys are ruinin evwerythin!

Gamzee: It'S bEhInD uS! rUn!

Mituna: G0 1n 7h3 847hr00m!

Tavros: uHHH. IT'S SCARY IN HERE,,,

Karkat: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! HOLY SHIT IT'S COMING GO FASTER! STOP LOOKING UP HE'S NOT IN THE TREES! IT'S NOT A DAMN LANTERN! **(Total rage quit reference)**

Mituna: 1 533 4 n073!

Karkat: GRAB IT! GRAB IT! HOLY FUCK, GIVE ME THE MOUSE!

Cronus: Hell no! I just got it!

Karkat: FFFUUUUUUUUU

Gamzee: Aw BrOs iT's ThE mUsIc AgAin!

Mituna: M4y83 1f w3 plug 0ur 34r5, 17 w1ll g0 4w4y!

Tavros: iT'S WORTH A SHOT,

***Everyone plugs ears***

***Screen fuzzes***

Karkat: HOLY SHIT RUN! RUN AWAY! NOT INTOTHE UGGHHHHHHHHHH!

***Blank face appears on moniter***

Karkat: HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK WE'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE! ***Dives behind Gamzee***

Gamzee: LoOk At ThAt ChIlL mOtHeRfUcKeR.

Mituna: 4444uuugggghhhhh4444444hhhhhh549746217751924386741 3!

Cronus: ***grips onto desk* **This isn't that bad. You guys are all wvinny babies.

Tavros: ***Faint***

Emi: Equius, can you pick up Tavros.

Equius: Of c0urse, l0wbl00d.

**This is actually pretty entertaining.**

Karkat: ***hugging onto moiral* **CAN WE PUT BACK ON THE LIGHT I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING IS ANYONE ELSE CHILLY I FEEL COLD I THINK SOMETHING IS ON MY SHOULDER SLENDERMAN IS THAT YOU I DON'T HAVE YOUR NOTES! I'M ONLY 6 SWEEPS OLD! WHY WOULD YOU PUT SUCH TORTURE UPON ME!

Nepeta: Karkitty…

Emi: Okay, let's take a break.

**Yea…everyone take a room by bloodcolor. That means Kankri and Karkat by the stairs and meenah and Feferi all the way at the other end.**

Emi: But, no one go to sleep. We don't keep sopor slime on the beds and Slendy, uh, is known to create nightmares.

***Finishes sending everyone to bed* What did you say? I couldn't hear over the sound of everyone saying goodnight.**

Emi: Nothing. Just, sleep on the couch. I got a room upstairs.

**You think we'll get anymore reviews?**

Emi: I'll check in a few hours.

**ZzzzzZZzzzzZZzz**


	4. Chapter 4

**This is going to be a doozy. **

Emi: More dares?

**Yup. Some pretty good ones too.**

Karkat: IS THAT MY NAME?

Emi: Hissssss. Don't look!

Karkat: DID YOU JUST FUCKING HISS AT ME?

**We do that sometimes. **

Karkat: …

Emi: Anyway, where is everyone else? We have to do these together.

Karkat: THEY ARE STILL GETTING SETTLED IN.

**Let's go check on them. There's only two more dares anyway.**

Emi: Alright.

**Emi, the narrator and Karkat walk upstairs and open Kankri's door. He's reading the dictionary.**

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

Kankri: I am happening t6 p6nder 9ver this human dictionary. I f9und it under the large water incasing tank with miniscule verte6rates.

Emi: The fish tank?

Kankri: That is a sh9rter term.

**Let's go to Aradia and Damara's room…**

***In next room***

Emi: Hi guy—oh my god!

**On Aradia's side are corpses and streamers with a banner reading *Corpse Party***

Emi: What's a corpse party?

**My guess is as good as yours.**

**On Damara's side are a bunch of…suggestive posters.**

Emi: Damara! Take those down!

Damara: dccndfjhxlzsbghbdgofu

Emi: What?

**I don't speak Japanese. **

Emi: *sigh*

**Do you really want to know what she is saying?**

Emi: No!

Emi: Can we just go to Tavros's room?

**Please.**

***In Tav's room***

**On Tav's side there is an old wheelchair and a large amount of drawings of animals he drew with Gamzee. **

**On Rufioh's side there are posters of the lost weeaboos and a stack of cards. The room is otherwise really boring.**

Tavros: oH, UHHH,,, HOW'S MY ROOM?

Emi: It looks great.

**No it dosen't.**

Emi: Shut up.

Rufioh: What?

Emi: Nothing.

**Do we have to do this? I wanna start the dares. **

Emi: *ignores narrator* You guys head downstairs. I'll be there soon.

**Pfff.**

**Next room…**

**Sollux and Mituna!**

***In room….***

Emi: Hi Sollux!

Sollux: Hii EG. Are we 2tartiing more dare2?

Emi: In a few minutes. Can you head down there? And bring Mituna.

**Sollux picks up Mituna and slings him over is shoulder.**

Mituna: WWWHHH3333333!

**Awww he's so cute. **

Emi: I know, right?

**Onto our patron troll's room!**

***Enter's cave like bedroom***

**The room is dripping with fresh kill and two shipping walls on each side. Nepeta's otp is Nepkat and Meulin's is Meuloz.**

Emi: Nepeta!

Nepeta: *Runs into Emi's arms and gives her a big bear hug!*

**I wanna hug….**

Meulin: …

Emi: Hi Meulin! Did you put on your computer?

**Meulin points to a small computer thingy. What is that thing?**

Emi: It's a translator. So I don't have to read her hands.

**Oh.**

Nepeta: Purrrrrrrrr. Your shirt is soft.

Emi: It's called pajamas. You should put some on before coming downstairs. You too Meulin!

Meulin: okay

**She sounds like Aradiabot.**

Emi: ***whispers* **I know

Nepeta: You know what?

Emi: Nothing. Just talking to myself.

**Is that what I am to you? A myself? **

Emi: Arrrgghh, that's it. Nepeta, can you gather everyone else? I need to start the dares.

Nepeta: Sure thing Emkitty!

**Emi walks out of olive room and storms downstairs. She seem infuriated. **

Emi: /:(

**The fuck kinda face is that? The lop-sided eyebrow?**

Emi: It's the closest I could get to a mad face.

**Emi gets to the bottom of the stairs before the conversation could continue. Narrator is slightly relieved.**

Emi: Alright! Everyone back into their lines!

**No one listens.**

**Narrator butts in.**

**DID YOU HEAR ALTERNATE ME? I SAID, GET IN YOUR LINES!**

Emi: Oh, so I'm alternate me now? ***Said annoyingly***

Dave: Hey, Emily. Read the first dare. Am I in it?

John: Do I get one?

Emi: Sorry Dave, nothing yet. John has one though!

John: Yes!

**Alright this is from Firestorm8888:**

**I dare john to do the windything yelling, "like the wind!"**

Emi: For safety reasons, let's do this outside.

***Outside***

John: Are we ready?

Emi: Almost! Everyone, hold onto your blood color buddy!

**Everyone grasps onto their dancestor/ guardian. Roxy is too drunk to notice so Rose is pretty much squeezing Roxy like an orange.**

John: Here I go!

**Winds starts swirling around the teens, hair flapping wildly. Mituna starts crying.**

Latula: 1t's ok4y b4b3!

**As wind starts creating a funnel, a loud cry is heard above the noise.**

**John: LLLIIIKKKKEEEE TTTHHHEEEE WWWIIIIINNNNNDDDDD!**

**With that, the wind stops and falls like metal to the ground. Everyone stands up and shakes themselves off. Latula runs to Mituna.**

Latula: you sc4r3d h1m!

John: Sorry, it was a dare.

Emi: Is everyone okay?

**There is a low groan of 'yes' and one small sob. Emi nods.**

Emi: Alright! One last dare! Everyone back inside!

**This one is from 8****th**** dimension again. It reads…**

**So. Funny. XD. I'm sorry Tavros, but it had to be done. :(. But your just so cute and childish...anyway...**

**Kankri, I dare you to sing the elment song while Karkat listens.**

Emi: Thanks!

Tavros: uHHH, THANKS?

Gamzee: YoU aRe MoThErFuCkIn CuTe.

**Tavros blushes. **

**I'll look up the element song…**

**1 minute, 32 seconds later…**

Emi: ….derp.

**I just…what? That was too fast!**

Emi: Kankri? Do you know this song?

Kankri: Indeed I d9.

Emi: Karkat, I need you front and center, all ears.

Karkat: WHAT'S AN EAR?

Emi: Just listen.

Kankri: Alright, this g9es 9ut t9 my dear anscest9r Karkat!

Karkat: ***Flips the bird.***

Kankri: Alright**…*big gasp of air***… ***John plays piano***

There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium, and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen—

Karkat: ARRGGH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

Emi: Shhhh!

Kankri: And rhenium and nickel neodymium, Neptumium, Germanium and iron, Americuim, Ruthenium, Uranium, Europeuim, Zerconium, lutecuim, Vanaduim and –

Karkat: MY LISTENING GLOBES! THEY'RE BLEEDING!

Emi: Quiet in the front row!

**Yea! *Munches on popcorn***

Kankri: Ianthanium and ousmium and andastinic and radium and gold and protactinium and indium and gallium.

Karkat: THANK GOG, HE'S FINISHED.

**Kankri takes a large breath and continues.**

Karkat: Wait he what—

Kankri: and iodine and thorium and thulium, thallium…..

**((Sorry but I am NOT going to write Kankri singing every word. I think you guys get the point))**

Kankri: …but they haven't been discovered!

**Who hoo! *Whistes***

Emi: Go Kankri!

** . Amazing. Too bad it's bedtime. EVERYONE IN BED!**

**A series of groans are heard. Kankri is too busy humming to be annoyed.**

Emi: Alright I'm going to bed.

**Did you hear something?**

**Both Emily's look up to hear Kankri finishing a sentence to Karkat.**

Kankri: Triggered!

Emi: What?!

**Oh my god… 0—0 **

**Wow! This is longer than I thought it would be! Hope you guys enjoyed it!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh man! Look at all the reviews that piled up! We have to start, Em!**

Emi: We just got back from the beach.

**Do you want to keep your fans waiting?**

Emi: Hell no!

Emi: Guys, get in here!

**The trolls file into the living room, wearing bathing suits and wringing their dripping wet hair.**

Karkat: PLEASE DON'T TELL ME I'M IN ANY OF THESE.

Emi: Do you want me to sign it?

Karkat: I HATE YOU.

Nepeta: Am I in any dares?

**Thankfully, yes!**

Emi: Apparently.

Nepeta: Purrfect!

Terezi: C4N W3 ST4RT NOW? 1 SM3LL R3D CH4LK 1N YOUR POCK3T.

Emi: Alright. Emily, read the first one. Terezi, stop sniffing my butt.

Terezi: 1T'S 1N YOUR B4CK POCK3T. NOT TH1S BUTT TH1NG.

**The first one is from livvykitty. It says, **

**What? Why is everyone putting only one dare? I dun get it. *derp* **

**Trolls (except Mituna): Listen to "That's Your Horroscope For Today" by Weird Al. **

**Dave: Since you lived with Bro, did you ever pick up Japanese from his animes? If so, please translate Damara.**

**Equius and Dirk: Have a contest to see which of you can build your favorite My Little Pony/Hoofbeast character first. The one who wins gets these unlimited supply of metal and My Little Pony/Hoofbeast items.**

**Mituna: You get a hug. You remind me of my little brother (who's autistic).**

**Karkat and Nepeta: Sing "Ah, What a Wonderful Cat Life" by 96Neko and Len. Nepeta's 96Neko and Karkles is Len. You may personalize the lyrics and you must wear cat ears and a cat tail!**

**That's all for now!**

Emi: I thought about that too. I just figured that it made less work for me.

Emi: To the computer!

**Every troll, except Mituna, who was distracted with an Iphone upstairs, sits around the projecter. Emi, who saw this video beforehand, sits anxiously.**

Emi: And..play!

_Aquarius_

_There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus. Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing whack a mole seventeen hours a day._

_Pisces_

_Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the ebola virus. You are the true Lord of dance no matter what those idiots at work say._

_Aries_

_The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in you colon. Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf then give a hockey to Meryl Streep._

_Taurus_

_You will never find true happiness- whatcha gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict that tomorrow you will wake up, do a bunch of stuff, then fall back asleep._

_That's your horoscope for today! Yea yea yea yea!_

_Gemini_

_Your birthday will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence. Your love life will run into trouble when your finance hurls a javelin through your chest._

**Everyone looks at Feferi, who is tightly holding her trident. She pales.**

_Cancer_

_The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud. Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test._

_Leo_

_Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face. Eat a bucket of tuna flavored pudding and wash it down with a gallon of strawberry quik._

_Virgo_

_All virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent, except for you! Expect a big suprises today when you end up with your head impaled on a stick._

_That's your horoscope for today! Yea yea yea yea!_

_Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely_

_that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have_

_a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,_

_but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions_

_are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have_

_to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of the is absolutely true._

_Where was I?_

_Libra_

_A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you_

_Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week_

_Scorpio_

_Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window_

_Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak_

_Sagittarius_

_All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)_

_Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den_

_Capricorn_

_The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying_

_If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again_

_That's your horoscope for today! Yea yea yea yea!_

_That's your horoscope for today! Yea yea yea yea yea!_

**When that song is finished, everyone returns to their spots. The trolls and kids get a few minutes to mingle. This is what happens:**

**Sagittarius: Equius admits to owning the Ernest posters and takes them out for proof. Horuss denys to killing any friends. 3 of the four alpha kids are very edgy with each other. Is Dave taking out his Katana? Wait, Emi jumped in, nevermind.**

**Karkat: Karkat jumps when Kankri censors the posters with duct tape. Kankri is a little scared too.**

**Leo: Nepeta is avoiding all cans of tuna, remembering what Eqkitty told her about buckets. Meulin and Emi are avoiding Feferi at all costs.**

**Virgo: Kanaya is reading the dictionary and almanac in a cold sweat, all while avoiding Feferi. Porrim is scared to death of Gamzee, who has a history with impaling heads.**

**Capricorn: Both Capricorns agree with Al on the whole wonderful and exciting part. Gamzee reluctantly locks the door and Kurloz handles the windows.**

**Scorpio: Vriska is relieved that Kurloz locked the windows. Aranea sulks about in her no-self esteem way.**

**Pisces: Feferi is trying to talk to Emi, Kanaya, Porrim, Nepeta and Meulin, to no avail. Meenah is showing off her dance moves to an unimpressed Cronus.**

**Aquarius: Eridan is holding his tongue. Cronus is playing an old whack a mole game he found in the closet. He is ignoring Meenah.**

**Gemini: Sollux is also avoiding Feferi, who is sitting all alone. Mituna has no idea what's going on with his friends. John tries to hold in wind. (Get it? Wind? Because he's the heir of breath.)**

Emi: No.

**Pfff. Anyway. **

**Libra: Terezi is going around the room, making sure nobody is better at anything than her. She is convinced that Meenah is getting promoted from lord to super Ultra lord. Latula isn't laughing at any of Mituna's jokes.**

**Taurus: Tavros is crying. Rufioh is sitting with him, also holding back tears.**

**Aries: Aradia is indifferent about everything. Damara seems to be looking for Meryl Streep.**

Emi: Alright, guys, you are all taking this beyond proportion. None of these things will ever happen. Trust me.

Feferi: Can you use your magic author powers to make us forget that terribubble video?

**She can't but I can. *Author does totally awesome clap that Emi yearns she could do.***

Emi: *Sigh* Did that work?

Nepeta: Did what work?

Aradia: 0_0

Emi: I think it worked.

Terezi: WH4T 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT? :?

Emi: I'll explain later. Let's get to the second dare.

Jake: What was the first dare? I can't remember a blasted thing.

Emi: Read the dare.

**We did. Livvykitty wants to know if Dave knows any Japanese from Bro's animes.**

Dave: A little. Why?

**You heard her?**

Dave: Duh. All of us did. We just don't know who that voice is.

Emi: You don't need to know. What you do need to know is that livvy wants you to translate Damara.

**Damara raise her eyebrow suggestively. Dave sneers.**

Dave: I'm only doing it if she says something important.

Damara: hdyetiosuosfofgotsfuhoy

Emi: Translate.

Dave. Ughh, fine. She said, and I quote, "blah blah balh blah stick a fork blah balh balh moaning blah blah kiss me until you faint from exhaustion."

Emi: Oh.

**I think that's enough.**

Dave: I did hear something about—

**I said that's enough!**

Dave: Okay geez.

Dirk: I know what she said.

Roxy: what dod she sya Dark?

Roxy: *did

Roxy: *say

**Horuss looks intrigued.**

Emi: Dirk, no.

Horuss: Awwww

Emi: What a disappointment. Anyway, I need you Dirk to build your favorite my little pony character. Equius, my little hoofbeast.

Dirk: What are the stakes?

Emi: Unlimited supply of metal and MLP products.

Dirk: Fuck yeah! Let's do this.

Equius: I agree with the lowblood.

**Ready, set, go!**

**Dirk and Equius spilt up and head into different sections of the house. Dirk finds a big bag of play dough. Equius finds a package of cotton candy bubblegum and a permanent marker. **

**Dirk races back into the living room and stars molding the blue dough into a horse shape. Equius starts chewing globs of bubble gum. **

Nepeta: Go Equius!

Jake: Go Dirk!

Nepeta: Go _Equius_

Jake: Go _Dirk_

Nepeta: Equius!

Jake: Dirk!

Nepeta: Equius!

Jake: Dirk!

Emi: Emily!

Nepeta and Jake: ….

Emi: Just watch the competition.

**Emi looks back to find Dirk making a tail and Equius sticking squishy, chewed gum wads together.**

**After about another 10 minutes, Equius hold up is representation of Pinkie pie.**

Equius: I have finished!

Nepeta: Yea Equius!

Emi: And we have a winner! Sorry Dirk.

Dirk: Just give him the stuff and go onto mituna's dare.

Emi: Here you are!

**Equius actually smiles and wipes his face with a MLH towel.**

Emi: Only two more dares from Livvykitty then we'll wait for tomorrow. I did wake you guys up last night.

**Poof! A girl wearing cat ears appears in the living room**

Emi: Hi liv!

Liv: HI Emi! I'm here for my hug!

Emi: He's over there.

**Liv runs over to Mituna and gives him a big hug. Latula frowns.**

Liv: Bye!

**As suddenly as she appeared, Livvykitty disappeared.**

Mituna: WH0 W45 7H47?

Emi: That was Liv. She says you remind her of her autistic brother.

Nepeta: Purrr, that's so sweet!

**:)**

Emi: Now, Karkat and Nepeta have a special song to sing for us.

Karkat: FUCK.

**Karkat and Nepeta put on cat ears and Karkat puts on a tail. They stand on top of a small stage in the backyard.**

_What a cute Karkitty_

_Your pure black hair is lovely_

_On this night when the stars shine_

_Won't you play together with—_

_EHH!_

_You've only got one shot at life_

_To win is to have fun_

_That blood color that binds you_

_How about I let it flow for me?_

_STOP! DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T COME NEAR ME!_

_Being a stray is the best_

_Swiping claws, eating meat_

_During the day I look down on working trolls_

_From the cavetop where I nap_

_You should be free too_

_I'll even introduce you to a friend of mine_

_Open up the window of society and…_

_Fly Away!_

_POLICE_

_Cut that out!_

_JUST BE THE POLICE'S CAT_

_If I'm going to be owned, then you should own me…_

_NOOOO_

_WHAT A PERVERTED GREEN CAT_

_ONLY YOUR EYES ARE SHINIG IN THE DARKNESS_

_THOUGH YOUR BREATHING IS RATHER LOUD_

_DON'T YOU COME ANY CLOSER TO ME! _

_YOU'VE ONLY GOT ONE SHOT AT LIFE!_

_THAT'S WHY I'M SOMEONE'S PET_

_THE VALUE OF THIS CANDY RED BLOOD_

_YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT_

_What is it? Is it tasty?_

_I'M REFINED_

_EATING DELICIOUS BANANAS, SLEEPING IN A SOFT 'COON_

_I DON'T REALLY CARE FOR WATER BUT_

_I STILL SHOWER EVERY DAY_

_COMPARED TO ME,_

_WHO'S THE ONE TAKIN CARE OF YOU?_

_YOU COULD BE KILLED BY A CLOWN TOMORROW_

_AND…THAT'D BE FINE._

_Eeeehhhh?_

_Even such a tsundere Karkitty is lovely_

_NO_

_Even more, I'm loving…_

_I love you!_

_HMPH, HOW HONEST. BUT YOUR WAY OF SPEAKING…_

_DOES NOT SWAY MY HEART_

_My dream is to…_

_Fly out of this world one day_

_And Travel to a far off northern land_

_And eat beasts till I die_

_DIE_

_Live!_

_If you could be…_

_there with me, wouldn't that be nice?_

_NO_

_But that won't probably ever…_

_*ac sobs*_

_HOW I LIVE_

_CAN'T BE CHANGED SO EASILY_

_BESIDES, THERE'S A GIRL WAITING FOR ME,_

_AND I CAN'T LEAVE HER ALL ALONE_

**Karkat looks at Terezi. **

_Who? Who?_

**Nepeta frowns and walks to other side of the stage.**

_I'M NOT FINISHED SPEAKING_

_WHAT, ARE YOU LEAVING ALREADY? HEY WAIT!_

_YOU COULD COME AGAIN TOMORROW…_

_I'LL BE WAITING._

_I'm here!_

_NO GO HOME_

_You're kidding. I'm getting so flustered._

_You're so cute! So cute!_

_POLICE!_

_No!_

_Alright! Let's go hunt some meat!_

_Then first…_

_To Earth I guess._

_PLEASE LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK._

_Even though you want to go…_

_POLICE_

_Stop that!_

**The adorable couple(?) bows and walks off stage.**

Emi: Yea!

Terezi: ***whistles***

Equius: That was a very desirable performance Nepeta. A your moirail, I am obligated to give you this human flower.

Nepeta: Awww, thank you Equius! It's purrty!

Equius: It's your two favorite colors, green and red…

Nepeta: I'm going to show Karkitty!

**Equius frowns but Nepeta is already standing by Karkat.**

Nepeta: Look what Equius gave me!

Karkat: THAT'S FUCKING GREAT.

Nepeta: Did you like my singing?

Karkat: IT, UM, COMPLIMENTED MY VOICE VERY WELL.

Emi: Is that supposed to be a compliment?

Karkat: DUH, ASSHOLE.

**More dares?**

**I think one of them fits rreeeeaalllyyy well right now.**

Emi: In a little bit. This moment is really sweet.

**But the dare is really sweet too!**

Emi: You have a different time schedule right? We'll do it during your tomorrow.

**Grrr, fine. Make sure Nepeta and Karkat don't fight. **

Emi: See you tomorrow.

**You recorded the performance, right?**

Emi: …

**You are so lucky I am you or I would have killed me. And by me I mean you.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Dang it, we are behind.**

Emi: I have a good two hours. Let's go.

Karkat: MORE FUCKING DARES? GOGDAMMIT THESE PEOPLE ARE INSANE.

Emi: I think they are awesome.

Karkat: SUCK-UP

Emi: What?

**Guys, we have no time for this. The first dare is from jazzminedeyamport**

**Gamzee watch dumb ways to die.**

Emi: Yea! I love dumb ways to die!

**Maybe we can suggest a couple to…**

Emi: Gamzee! I have a video for you!

Gamzee: WHaT iS iT mOtHeRfUcKeR?

Emi: Just watch.

**Gamzee watches the bloody little circle people in a daze. At the end he gets an idea.**

Gamzee: Be RiGhT bAcK mOtHeRfUcKeRs.

**Gamzee comes back holding my toaster and a fork.**

Emi: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.

Emi: Give me that.

Gamzee: WhY?

Emi: You know, it's not because the video was about death!

Gamzee: ThEn WhY nOt?

**Facepalm**

Emi: my thoughts exactly.

**The next dare is from jormungandrising**

**Karkat: sloppy make outs with Nepeta. Now.**

Emi: Ooo, I like this dare.

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK, WHEN I GET THIS FUCKASS I WILL—

Nepeta: Karkitty!

Karkat: NONONONO,

**Nepeta pushes Karkat into the closet and locks the door behind her.**

Emi: I got this.

**Emi pulls the red chalk out of her pocket and draws a beautiful representation of the Karnep ship.**

Terezi: C4N 1 H4V3 TH3 R3D CH4LK NOW?

Emi: Sure.

Latula: you 34t ch4lk?

Terezi: TRY 1T!

**Terezi breaks the chalk in half and tosses it to Latula. She reluctantly licks it.**

Latula: 1t 1s pr3tty t4sty…

Terezi: 4ND 1T SM3LLS L1K3 CH3RR13S.

Latula: ***takes big sniff***

Emi: Ummm, Latula? I think you're forgetting something.

Meenah: Gill, didn't you lose yo smellin sense?

Latula: ***gasp***

Latula: 1 w4sn't sm3ll1ng 1t. 1 w4s tot4lly look1ng 4t 1t clos3 up l1k3 4 r4d g1rl do3s! Duh!

**Emi notices Kankri staring. She doesn't have the heart to ship it while Mituna is in the room.**

Emi: Yeaaaa, rad smelling…let's go onto the next dare. Karkat and Nepeta should be done soon.

**Nepeta walks out of the closet, feeling very accomplished. Karkat can't look at Terezi. **

Nepeta: OTP!

Emi: Yes!

**Alright, let's not rub it in the faces of the karezi shippers.**

Karkat: I WISH I WAS HANGING OUT WITH THEM.

Emi: Oh well. You are in the land of Nepkat and you will stay here from days to come.

Meenah: Someone, krill him now.

Karkat: THANK YOU.

Meulin: I-beep-ship it.

Emi: No you don't.

**The next dare is from 8****th**** dimension again.**

**This is so funny, can't stop laughing. XD Go Kankri!**

Kankri: Thank y9u, dear 8th dimensi9n. I d9n't think any9ne has ever called me funny 6ef9re.

***Whispers the dare to Kurloz. He smiles all evil mime like.**

Emi: While he's getting ready, let's squish in another dare.

**This is from Aru Lawlieth**

**Ok... are the.. y'know.. human kids there?... I want to ask a truth if possible... to Dear Dirk.. Since.. please look at John and tell if his resemblance to Jake is enough to make you like him in the same way? Please ignore John "no homo" thing...**

Emi: Of course the humans are here! They just haven't been getting as many dares as the trolls.

Jade: I want a dare!

Emi: I'd make you chase Nepeta but that dare is overused. Stay put.

Jade: Woof :(

Emi: So, Dirk? Does John look like Jake enough to like him in the same way?

Dirk: Aw, man. I mean, yea they look alike. In fact, I kinda like John's hair a bit better…

John: Dirk? No…

Jake: You like me? That whippersnapper's talking about friendship right?

**As Jake blabs on, Dirk starts to make a move on John.**

John: Dirk, I technically have a girlfriend.

Vriska: Yea! Lay off my man! ::::(

Dirk: Fuck off, spiderbitch.

Kankri: Triggered.

Meulin: Di-rk? Jo-hn? I ship it so-hard.

**You are the worst shipper ever! That isn't even canon!**

Dirk: Well, to answer the dare, he is pretty god damn cute.

John: Thanks, but stick with Jake.

Jake: What in blazes is going on?

Jane: Strider! Don't lay a hand on my grandfather!

John: I'm your what?

**Uggh, I'm so confused. I'm just going to-**

Karkat: HOLY FUCK SHIT HELL GET HIM AWAY FROM ME FUCK FUCK RUN! IT'S HIM! SHHHIIIITTT!

Kurloz: :D

Gamzee: Aw MaN, lOoK aT tHaT mOtHeRfUcKeR.

**Kurloz walks out of the shadows, wearing a face of white eyeshadow and my dad's old tuxedo. Karkat is crying behind the closest troll, Nepeta. Nepeta smiles at Karkat's hug.**

Emi: *Supresses laugh* Oh my god, Kurloz, you are the best!

Meulin: Go-od job.

**Kurloz bows and walks in the bathroom to wash off my eyeshadow.**

**One more dare. Sorry, Guest, but that Karkat already played Slendy, as you can see.**

Karkat: GET ME OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE.

**This is from yowlingwolfstorm.**

**To Main Twelve Trolls; Who are you all flushed for?**

Emi: Alright, post scratch trolls, stay here. Kankri and the others, go play outside.

Mituna: Y3334444!

**The pre-scratch trolls and humans leave. Emi is now stuck with 12 fidegty trolls.**

Emi: Alright, to be organized and quick, blood color order. GO.

Karkat: Terezi…

Nepeta: Huh?

Aradia: S0llux….0_0

Tavros: Uhhh, Gamzee(( Ughhh, I won't let me do his quirk))

Sollux: Feferi

Nepeta: Karkitty….

Karkat: WOW, I'M SO SURPRISED.

Nepeta: Hissss

Emi: Keep going.

Kanaya: Rose

Terezi: D4V3

Vriska: John ::::)

Equius: Aradia

Gamzee: TaVbRo

Eridan: Feferi

Feferi: Sollux! Glub!

Emi: Wow that went better than expected.

Nepeta: Terezi? He like Terezi? My meowplaying partner?

**Hey, you got a sloppy makeout. I think that's pretty good for now.**

Nepeta: Awww

Karkat: NEPETA…

**Alright, more dares coming up later. I think Nepeta needs some time.**

Equius: It's okay Nepeta.

Karkat: LISTEN,-

Equius: Stay away from my moirail. I think you have done enough harm.


	7. Chapter 7

**Omigod. MORE dares? This is awesome! Emi, gather the trolls.**

Emi: SSShhhhh

**Emi and the trolls are in the middle of watching Lion king. Nepeta is smearing chalk on Karkat's head, much like a video Emi saw on Youtube. **

Emi: Do we have to?

**Yes. Hurry up, we have a ton to get to.**

Emi: Grrrr. **Emi pauses the movie. The trolls moan.**

Nepeta: But Emi, this is the best purrt!

Emi: Sorry, author's orders.

**Hey! Don't blame me! I'm keeping us on schedule.**

Dave: Hit me.

Emi: Okay! **Emi punches Dave in the stomach, much to Dave's surprise.**

Dave: No! Read the dares!

Emi: Wait for John. He's upstairs.

Rose: I heard he puked from rotten yogurt.

Emi: Eww!

**No Sloppy makeouts for him.**

Emi: Thank god.

Emi: Just start the first dare.

**The first one is from Godtierjade:**

**Hehe, I love Truth or Dare fanfics! *sits back and watches the craziness unfold, sipping coca-cola and eating ice-cream***

**Nepeta: *Hands a 1 kilo bag of catnip through her own portal* Hope it cheers you up!**

**Everyone: Go watch Eridan's United States of Wwhatevver. Hehe.**

Nepeta: Ice cream? What's that?

Emi: Only the best and creamiest dessert ever.

**Hey, what's that?**

**A portal opens up and drops a kilo of catnip onto Nepeta's lap.**

Nepeta: Is this mine?

Emi: Yup.

Nepeta: Yea! Thank you!

Emi: You can smell or eat or whatever you do with that in front of the computer. It's Eridan time!

Eridan: Wwho said my name?

Emi: Watch the video.

**The video plays for about two minutes. Eridan's smile grows larger every second.**

Eridan: Someone made a vvideo about me?

Emi: Apparently your indifference about everything is attracting.

Eridan: Hear that Fef? I'm attracting!

Feferi: Oh glub.

Kanaya: Indifference? You Happened To Look Very Frightened While I Was Chasing You.

Eridan: Wwhatevver.

Emi: Hmm. Hey Eridan.

Eridan: Wwhat?

Emi: I dare you to answer questions only with the word whatever.

Eridan: You can't do that!

Emi: Oh? **Emi takes out claws that Equius made her. Eridan shrivels.**

Eridan: Wwhatever.

Emi: I thought so. Next dare.

**This one is from Thatoneperson,**

**Nepeta- seven minutes in heaven with either gamzee or karkat author chooses ;3**

Emi: I used to ship Gamnep.

Nepeta: What?

Gamzee: Oh. tHaT's NiCe.

John:* **Returns* **What's nice?

Emi: I used to ship Gamnep.

John: What made you change your mind?

Emi: I realized that the ship wasn't canon and Equius would have her head (no pun intended) if he saw his moirail dating a highblood.

Equius: I agree.

Emi: So, that leaves one choice. Nepeta and Karkat, to the closet!

**I'll set the timer for seven minutes.**

Karkat: I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL.

Emi: Get in the closet.

**Nepeta squees a total fangirl screech and pulls Karkat away from the group. Karkat sighs.**

Emi: They are adorable together.

Terezi: 4M 1 SM3LL1NG WH4T YOU 4R3 S331NG?

Emi: You'll see. You know Karkat isn't enjoying this at least a little.

**The next dares are from immi-tan.**

**aww poor nep! now! kankri and cronus! act coupley for the next two chapters! **

**and, i want to see dirkjake versus davejohn: which ship is more supported by the trolls?**

**your narration idea is also really cool!**

Kanaya: What Do You Mean Poor Nepeta? She Seems To Be Enjoying This.

Equius: Sadly.

Kankri: I d9n't think r9mantically c9urting Cr9nus is a f9rmidable idea.

Cronus: Awvwvw, c'mon Kankri! This wvill be fun.

Kankri: *sigh* Y9u l99k appealing t9day, my matesprit.

Cronus: You too buddy. Like the swveater.

Kankri: Please d9n't be triggered 6y my affecti9ns. It is highly embarrassing.

Cronus: You are the best matesprit evwer!

Kankri: ***sigh***

Emi: Two more minutes for Nep and Karkat. Two chapters for Cronus and Kankri.

Kankri: It's actually 9ne m9re chapter for Cr9nus and I. T9 think, y9u g9t int9 algebra and can't subtract? What are these human sc99ls teaching y9u?

Emi: Kankri, I knew it was one more chapter. Putting the twos together just sounded better.

Cronus: Kisses!

Kankri: N9!

Emi: Let's move on. Davejohn vs. Dirkjake.

John: Dirkjake

Dave: What? Dude…

John: Daaaave, I am not a homosexual!

Dave: I still say Davejohn.

Rose: Davejohn

Jade: Dirkjake!

Emi: Dirkjake FTW!

Jane: Davejohn

Roxy: Dirky and jakey! Forebber!

Roxy: *Forever

Emi: Hold up! Karkat, Nepeta! Your seven minutes are up!

**They walk out of the closet, Nepeta holding Karkat's hand. Karkat looks a bit happier than usual.**

Emi: The dare is Davejohn or Dirkjake. Jake, will you move us along?

Jake: …

Jake: Davejohn

Dirk: ***blushes* **Dirkjake

Jake: Really, Dirk?

Dirk: Yea, I know it's pretty stupid but…

**Jake leans over and kisses Dirk's cheek.**

**Dirk blushes madly.**

Emi: Yes! Anyway, let's continue.

Aradia: 0_0 Davejohn

Karkat: PLEASE, DAVEJOHN. GET THAT FUCKASS OFF MY BACK.

Tavros: uhhh, dIRKjAKE

Sollux: ii gue22 ii'll 2ay diirkjake

Nepeta: Dirkjake! The purrfect ship!

Kanaya: Although I find Dirkjake Rather Fitting, I will Answer Davejohn.

Terezi: D1RKJ4K3! D4VE 1S M1N3!

Karkat: ….

Vriska: Same here! John doesn't belong to thaaaaaaaat impudent prick.

Dave: Hey!

Terezi: OH SN4P. YOU GO G1RL!

**The sisters high five.**

Equius: I'm rather indifferent but I'll pick Davejohn.

Gamzee: I'lL pIck DiRkJaKe AfTeR tHaT pReFoRmAnCe.

**Dirk and Jake blush. It's pretty adorable.**

Eridan: Wwhatever.

Feferi: Davejohn! Glub!

**The other twelve trolls vote and Dirkjake wins by a landslide. Dave seems disappointed.**

Emi: I knew Dirkjake was perfect. Now, let's do one more dare for tonight.

**It's from 8****th**** Dimension again.**

Emi: I think that person loves us.

**We are amazing.**

Emi: Read.

**Alright.**

**Lol XD. I dare Equius to sing the soft kitty song to Nepeta.**

Emi: Purrfect dares.

Nepeta: Cat puns!

Equius: Well, I d0 have 0ne s0ng…**((And yes, I wrote it))**

_My kitty, dear sweet kitty_

_Please don't be sad_

_I'm sure you'll make it through_

_Afterlife can be bad_

_Just snuggle up beside me_

_Curl your ears and smile_

_Karkitty, as you put it_

_Will be here in a little while._

Equius: I wr0te it while in the dreambubbles, when Nepeta missed y0u.

Karkat: THAT'S ACTUALLY, REALLY SWEET.

Emi: ***wipes a tear*** That was beautiful!

Nepeta: I remember that day. It was the day I fefetasploded. Equius met me while ARquius sprite was sleeping. It was the first time in a while we got to do something normal. Before….

**Nepeta starts crying and hugs Equius.**

Equius: It's okay…

Equius: We're safe now.


	8. Chapter 8

**The trolls sit around the large dining room table. Emi is serving dinner.**

Eridan: Is that fish?

Emi: It's called chicken.

Eridan: Is that a type of fish?

Feferi: No silly! It's a cluckbeast.

Nepeta: OOohh meat.

Equius: I would prefer the corn on the cob.

Emi: Don't worry. I got a ton of veggies. Salad?

Equius: Yes, please.

**Emi passes around a large wooden bowl filled with salad. Terezi dumps in a whole bottle of French dressing.**

Terezi: 1T'S 4S CLOS3 TO R3D 4S POSS1BL3!

Karkat: REAL FUCKING FUNNY, FRIED BANANAS.

Emi: they're plantains. I forgot you sang that song.

**I would like to interrupt dinner to remind you that we have a billion dares to get to!**

Kurloz: :(

Emi: My point exactly. Can't we wait till after dinner.

Dave: Let's get them over with now. Am I in any?

**Two or three. You get to pick for one of them.**

Dave: Cool.

**Alright, listen up. This is from…8****th**** dimension? Omigod!**

**I love these, ok, Dave drop the base and have a rave with Terezi.**

Emi: Thanks!

Dave: Um, Jade? I'll need to borrow your multi person base.

Jade: Sure! Woof!

**Dave takes the base and drops it, smashing it to pieces.**

Jade: Dave!

Dave: What a shame. It was such a nice base too.

Terezi: WH4T'S 4 R4V3?

Emi: I think it's when you dance.

Dave: We need some music! Dirk, drop some beats!

Dirk: I got ya covered man. **Sick beats flow out of Dirk's mouth.**

**Terezi and Dave dance like there's no tomorrow. Karkat longs to join in.**

Karkat: I DO NOT, YOU NOOKSUCKER!

Emi: Great way to ruin the mood, Kar.

Terezi: YOU C4N D4NC3 TOO!

Karkat: REALLY?

Dave: Yea! It's kind of ironic.

Karkat: I GUESS SO…

**Terezi pulls Karkat into the rave and starts dancing. The other trolls look at each other.**

Emi: Go ahead.

**The trolls laugh and start dancing. The only one not dancing is Emi because, like the narrator, she has two left feet.**

Nepeta: Come dance Emkitty!

Emi: I don't dance.

**Love that song!**

Emi: No, really. I don't dance.

**Hit it out of the park!**

Emi: I don't dance…

**I say you can!**

Emi: Not a chance. **NO!**

**If I can do this then you can do that.**

Emi: But I don't dance!

**Nooooooo!**

Emi: Don't we have dares to get to?

Meenah: Don't remind that gill!

**Too late! Everyone sit back down!**

Everyone: Awwwww

Karkat: WHO'S RUINING THE MOOD NOW?

**The next dare is from Alyssa:**

**Spades slick. . Romantic stuff. Make it happen. (if I cant do this dare, then I want to see kankri to give karkat a lecture on triggers, and karkat has to listen without speaking.)**

Emi: Spades slick? How is he romantic? Whatever.

**A portal opens and spades lick jumps out.**

Spades: Uggghhh

Emi: Well, the only girl I could think of that could have a love and stab relationship with him is…

**Snowman!**

**A portal opens and Snowman steps out. She adjusts her hat and puts out her cigarette.**

Snowman: Oh?

Spades slick: Not her…

Emi: Kiss, so I can get this over with. This IS breaking a rule.

**Snowman laughs and kisses Spades's cheek. He blushes and grumbles a small thanks.**

Emi: If I didn't know better I'd say a kismesis relationship is forming.

Nepeta: Oh. **Her hand drifts to a piece of black chalk in her pocket. Emi nods in agreement.**

Snowman: Glad I could help. **Snowman scratches her fingernail under Spades's chin and leaves. Spade's follows suit. **

Emi: Welp.

Equius: I…need a towel.

Kankri: Triggering!

**One more dare. It's from Invaderski:**

**Invader Ski dares all Trolls to fill a bucket and give it to Eridan, and tell him that he's Fintastic. I dare my Patron Troll, Gamzee, to stop eating Sopur slime pie for nine chapters. Jade Harley, I dare you to be hand cuffed to Karkat. And last but not the bit least, I dare Kurloz, Mituna, and Kankri to explain how Trolls fill the buckets, and can you do "it" alone?**

**That's a lot of dares, but I only have on truth: Is it true that Tavros and Gamzee are officially in the red romance zone?**

Emi: Hehehehee. Good idea in process! **Emi whispers something in the trolls' ears. They giggle and run off. **

Emi: Eridan, aren't you a bit scared?

Eridan: Wwhatevver.

Emi: You could stop that now…

Eridan: Nah. Wwhat are they holding? Are those…oh my cod!

**The trolls return with full buckets.**

Emi: Look inside. **Emi hands Eridan a bucket. The trolls suppress laughter.**

Eridan: Shavvin cream!

**The trolls laugh and hold up their buckets. Every container is filled to the brim with John's supply of shaving cream. **

Karkat: HAHA FUCKASS!

Emi: She/he didn't say what they could be filled with!

Terezi: H3H3H3H3! HOW F1NT4ST1C DO YOU F33L?

Eridan: Wwhatevver.

Emi: Alright, enough fun. Gamzee, hand over the slime.

Gamzee: AwWwWwWw!

Emi: There's faygo in the fridge if you feel…murderer-y.

Jade: I have to what?

Karkat: HELL NO!

Emi: Sorry. Now get in.

**Emi locks the two together. Jade growls and tries as hard as she can to not bite Karkat.**

Emi: As for the explaining one, it's a little suggestive. I'll pass.

Kankri: Thank g9g!

Emi: Alright, dinner time!

**Wait! Gamzee, tav! Are you guys officially red?**

Gamzee: YoU tElL mE.

**Gamzee leans over a kisses Tavros. The rustblood blushes.**

Tavros: uHHHH

Gamzee: YoU'rE wElCoMe.

**Sorry it was a shorter chapter than usual. By the way, I have been getting a lot of reviews with Karkat and Nep. Don't forget the Alpha kids and trolls! Jane had only said, like, two words! **


	9. Chapter 9

**They love us! They really love us!**

Emi: Squueeee!

Karkat: WHAT IS IT NOW?

Emi: ***grabs shoulders* **We're loved!

Nepeta: Yea! Purrrrrr

**We've got a ton of thanks to pass out, but first. Dares.**

John: Awwww I though you forgot.

Emi: Not with these reviews!

**Gather my trolls, and you shall hear, of the midnight chapter of Emi….Revere?**

Emi: G. Emi G.

**The first one is from Aru Lawlieth:**

**Gehehe.. I knew it... Ok... Set of stuff I dont want to call dares: Virska shut up for at least the lasting of all my dares I hate you so much for being meanie with Tavros!... Tavros build up some more self steem you are doing great anyway (You are my patron troll darling)... Now.. All of that said.. Dirk, sweety.. I want you to go and have gay hot make out... your choice.. Jake or John... **

**Next.. Karkat...You have a lovely voice.. I want to hear you sing "I feel pretty".. because of yes... Dave, if you could ironically help him that would be great... **

**Kankri... you are lovely.. but I definetly disagree with your celibacy vow.. it is just silly... and I dont care if this triggers you but you have to choose between Kurloz and Karkat and share a loooong kiss.. yeah just that.. not pressing it too much right now... Just were everyone can see please..**

**Last but not least... Mituna... just be as cute as always...**

Vriska: Heeeeeeeey!

Emi: You heard her. Silence for the next two chapters.

Vriska: ….

Tavros: uHHHH, what do I do?

Emi: Be yourself?

Tavros: oKAY!

**Ooohhh Dirkjake time!**

Emi: If that's what Dirk chooses.

Dirk: I choose Jake.

Jake: Let's go then!

Emi: ***sniff* **They grow up so fast.

**Go my children! Go to closet land and don't come back until you can proudly put yourself in the redrom!**

Roxy: They're so cuet

Roxy: *cute

**Dirk and Jake walk into the closet, Dirk putting Lil Cal outside the door to keep watch.**

Emi: I'll give them some time. Karkat, get ready for more singing.

Nepeta: Do I get mew?

Dave: Nope. I do. It's gonna be SO ironic.

Karkat: GOG FUCK…. **Karkat walks up to the front of the room, followed by Dave. Dave changed into a skirt. Don't ask why, I have no idea.**

_I FEEL PRETTY!_

_OH SO PRETTY!_

_I feel pretty and witty and bright!_

_And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight!_

Rose: I don't…

_I FEEL CHARMING!_

_OH SO CHARMING!_

_IT'S ALARMING HOW CHARMING I FEEL!_

_And so pretty!_

_I can hardly believe I'm real!_

**Dave twirls in his poofy skirt and Terezi and Emi fall to pieces. Karkat facepalms, hiding his embarrassed blush.  
**_SEE THAT PRETTY GIRL IN THE MIRROR THERE?_

_WHO CAN THAT ATTRACTIVE GIRL BE? _

_Such a pretty face!_

_Such a pretty dress!_

_Such a pretty smile!_

_SUCH A PRETTY ME!_

**OH MY GOD! XD**

_I FEEL STUNNING AND ENTRANCING!_

_Feel like running and dancing for joy!_

_FOR I'M LOVED!_

_By a pretty and wonderful boy!_

***Instrumental* You can barely hear it over Emi's laughter. Terezi is teal in the face.**

_SEE THAT PRETTY GIRL IN THE MIRROR THERE?_

_WHO CAN THAT ATTRACTIVE GIRL BE?_

_Such a pretty face!_

_Such a pretty dress!_

_Such a pretty smile!_

_SUCH A PRETTY ME!_

_I FEEL STUNNING AND ENTRANCING!_

_Feel like running and dancing for joy!_

_FOR I'M LOVED!_

_By a pretty and wonderful boy!_

**The song ends and Emi is close to chocking. Nepeta is snickering and Vriska is silent-laughing. Gamzee is watching everything, shaking a bit from the sopor withdrawl.**

Emi: Bravo! ***Laughs* **Encore!

Karkat: SHUT UP!

Dave: Thank you! Thank you!

Emi: Okay, ***wipes tear* **Time for Kankri to kiss someone!

Kankri: N9999!

Emi: Better check your privileges, Kankri

Porrim: D-on't be a liitle…kranky.

Kankri: Kurl9z, I'm s9rry if this triggers y9u 6ut….s9rry.

**Kankri leans in and kisses a surprised Kurloz. Meulin twitches.**

Nepeta: Must..not…ship….

Karkat: TRIGGERED! **Karkat yells, high fiving Latula. Mituna puts up his hand, waiting for a slap. Karkat looks at him weird.**

Emi: Ooh, is it hot in here or is it just those two?

Gamzee: HONK.

Emi: Uhhhhh….okay? Kankri, you can stop.

Kankri: S9rry Kurl9z. I h9pe I didn't trigger y9u.

Kurloz: ;)

Emi: Mituna! Be cute!

Mituna: OK4Y! H0W?

Emi: Hmmm. Go give Tulip a hug.

**Mituna sneaks up on Latula and hugs her. Latula smiles and kisses Mituna's cheek.**

Mituna: Y0U SUR3 C4N KI22 7UL1P!

Latula: you'r3 pr3tty r4d yours3lf.

Nepeta: And…the ship has sailed!

Emi: Toot toot!

**The next dare is from jazzminedeyamport:**

**Sollux listen to dubstep and tavros watch the grudge.**

Emi: Alright Sol, here you go!

**Emi hands Sollux a pair of headphones and sits back. Sollux starts to shake.**

Sollux: What iis thi2?

Emi: Dubstep. Awesome, right?

Sollux: AAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!

Emi: So—

**Sollux blast laser beams, burning the walls and breaking his glasses. Everyone ducks.**

**A minute later, the dust settles. Sollux is lying face down on the desk.**

Sollux: That was….awe2ome…

Emi: You're fixing this later. Tav, go watch the grunge.

**Emi plays the trailer. At the end, Tav starts to shake.**

Tavros: …

Emi: Tav?

Tavros:….

Karkat: I THINK YOU BROKE TAVROS.

Emi: I think I did.

**He'll be fine. The next dare is from Mastuurrbunny:**

**Okaaay. I want Karkat to suffer.. Poor Nepeta, thats my OTP too..**

**I dare Nepeta to Sing 'My Humps' by the Black Eye Peas with the Striders. While wearing a cute outfit made by Kanaya.**

**I also Dare The Ampora's to teach the Captor's to swim. **

**Hope thats not too much. Eheh. ; u**

Karkat: WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?

Emi: Everything. Nepeta's pretty upset.

Nepeta: Wait, another shipper? Purrfect!

Nepeta: I'm kinda over it anyway.

Karkat: SO NO MORE CHASING ME AND CONSTANTLY CALLING ME KARKITTY?

Nepeta: Hell no!

Equius: Nepeta!

Nepeta: Sorry Equius.

Emi: Alright Kanaya, do you have any dresses?

Kanaya: I Have The Perfect One. **Kanaya leaves and returns with a sparkily olive green dress. It's a valentines neckline and jewels cover the bottom. Nepeta squeals in delight.**

Nepeta: Thanks Kanaya! It's so purrty!

Kanaya: Go Try It On.

**Nepeta leaves to get dressed. Karkat won't stop grumbling.**

Emi: Cheer up grumpy pants. I'm sure the song's dedicated to you.

Karkat: IT'S NOT THAT. I JUST WISH SHE'D STOP FUCKING ANNOYING ME.

Emi: I think it's adorable.

Nepeta: I'm back! **Nepeta walks back in the room. She looks FAB-ULOUS!**

Gamzee: honk

Emi: Alright, Nep! It's your time to shine! Again!

**Nepeta sings the song with attitude, Dave rapping in the background. Nepeta blushes during the curses.**

Equius: Nepeta….. such l00d language.

**When Nepeta finihes, she has shooken that cat tail more times then Mituna can count, which actually isn't a lot. Equius kept a sharp eye on her the whole time.**

Karkat: WATCH OUT! NEPETA'S GONE BAD!

Terezi: M3OW!

Nepeta: Guys, it was just a dare.

Karkat: YOU SURE?

Equius: I think that's enough here.

Nepeta: Equius…

Emi: Break it up.

Sollux: Uggh, my head. Wait, Eriidan ha2 to what?

Emi: Get in the pool!

**Everyone goes outside, Equius and Karkat still tense. Emi walks in between them.**

Cronus: Alright! Pool!

Emi: Mituna, get ready to swim!

Mituna: N000000!

Emi: Yessssss!

Mituna: N000000

Emi: Get in the pool. Tulip's watching.

Mituna: F1NE.

**Mituna and Sollux climb in the pool. Latula holds Mituna's helmet. Eridan starts to pick up Sollux.**

Sollux: What are you doiing?

Eridan: Hold still. I'm putin you in position.

Sollux: Ii hate thi2.

Eridan: Paddle!

**Sollux flails his arms and Eridan lets go. Sollux gasps and starts to sink.**

Eridan: Sol!

**Eridan dives underwater and surfaces with a sputtering Sollux. **

Sollux: Get off of me fii2hdiick!

Eridan: I just savved your life!

**The two continue bickering as Cronus holds up Mituna.**

Cronus: Alright. It's kinda like skateboarding. Kick your legs and arms and push on one leg to turn, like on a skateboard. Wvowv!

**Mituna swims like a pro, straight past Sollux. Sollux stares in disbelief.**

Cronus: I taught him all he knowvs.

Eridan: Wwhatevver.

**The Captors and Ampora's climb out of the pool. Sollux curses under his breath.**

Feferi: Don't worry! It's reely easy once you practice. Glub!

**The next dare is from from catastrophicfeline.**

***cf swiftly pounces onto the ask box***

**may i have a request fur my dear otp ( DaveJohn ) to have**

**SLOPPY MAKEOUTS ! Wheeeeeeeee! And karkitty kiss nepeta and hug her !**

**RinNeko636 : catastrophicFeline**

Emi: Dave! John! Closet!

**Oh my god! Dirk and Jake never came out!**

Emi: Alright, get out. **Emi opens the door to find Dirk and Jake STILL making out. It must have been an hour.**

Dirk: Oops, sorry.

Jake: I like these reviewers.

Dave: Me too.

John: Hurry up. I gotta pee.

Dave: John…

**Emi pushes the two teens in and shuts the door. She smiles at the next dare.**

Karkat: FUCKNG AGAIN?

Nepeta: I love you Karkitty. **Nepeta squeezes Karkat and gives a bug kiss. Karkat blushes.**

Karkat: OH.

Equius: Karkat. This behavior is unacceptable.

Karkat: IT'S NOT ME!

**Wow Nep, two guys are actually fighting over you!**

**Lucky….**

Nepeta: Oh! I don't know what to do!

**Nepeta is interrupted by a large smacking sound. Equius is pounding in Karkat's face.**

Emi: BREAK IT UP!

**NOW!**

Equius: Why should I?

**Narrator growls and picks up Equius by the back of his shirt.**

**This is why.**

Emi: Don't do it. You know you shouldn't.

**Fine. You're real lucky Equius. Don't test me.**

Equius: I…need a towel.

Meenah: Shit.

**Let's continue. The next dare is from…oh! It's a review! From secretassassingirl**

**Okay first of all I must say, I absolutely love the whole narrator 3rd person bit. It's hilarious! (And not to mention genius)**

**I find it intriguing that your favorite couple is in fact KatNep, yet your writing sticks to canon and remains almost completely bias free. **

**You are one of the few writers who write like this, and for that, I must applaud you.**

**Another thing, you have made it quite obvious who your favorite characters are, yet you still try to encourage more questions and dares for those who maybe aren't as popular. **

**You are quite the writer miss. One of a kind. **

**Really dude, your writing is supah fly.**

Emi: Oh…oh my gosh! Thank you!

**That means a lot. Thank you so much!**

Emi: I don't think I've ever been applauded for…

Eridan: You and me, Em.

**Uhhhh….last dare for tonight. It's from 8****th**** dimension:**

**Hehehe. Ok have each troll and kid to find out about all their fan girls (and boys). Mituna, drink lots of caffinated drinks and sweets. So, like a sugar high. Eridan and Cronos, watch 'The Ampora family'. Kankri and Karkat, watch 'Raising the Vantas family.'**

Emi: oh no.

Emi: Alright. I'll go in order.

Emi: Karkat, you are loved by all the fangirls for you hatred of everything. You probably are the most shipped.

Karkat: I JUST CAN'T FUCKING ESCAPE THIS, CAN I?

Emi: Nope.

Emi: Aradia: You are portrayed as the dead girl who loves corpse parties. You also are out into two characters. The sweet, dead ghost/ sweet god tier and the badass robot.

Emi: Sollux: You are the guy with a major lisp and are sometimes even shipped with Eridan. The fangirls love it when you hack random shit.

Emi: Nepeta! You are the adorable cat girl obsessed with Karkat. Like completely obsessed. Your life revolves around shipping and your otp. The fangirls/guys cried when you died.

Emi: Kanaya: You're the intelligent one. Everyone cheered when you kicked gamzee's butt. Literally.

Gamzee: HONK

Gamzee: honk

Emi: …..Terezi: You are the red loving crazy troll. Fanguys love when you lick stuff. (Get that thought out of your dirty head. Ick)

Emi: Vriska, you are the badass that regrets everything you do in sadstuck. Fanguys love it when you kill another victim.

Emi: Equius….equius….yea…the fans think your pretty gross. Not too many fangirls.

Emi: Gamzee is the cutest/ most terrifying guy! I speak for the fan girls when I say you're one of the best trolls. Both adorably and scarily.

Gamzee: HONK

Emi: Stop that! Eridan…surprise! Most loved guy in the fandom pretty much. Eridanisnotonfire is head over heels obsessed.

Eridan: Wwoww.

Vriska: ….

Emi: Fef, you are the cheery happy fish lovin girl! The fanguys feel sorry that you have so much pressure put on you.

**Hey, Em? Can we continue tomorrow? I'm really tired and it's almost eleven.**

Emi: Can't agree more. I'll get to the kids and alpha trolls tomorrow. Good night guys!

Nepeta: I'm having good dreams tonight!

**Sorry I didn't get to it but Livvykitty! Hell yes!**

**Eridanisnotonfire, livvykitty AND DSF? Best authors in one story!**

**I have some info on my profile but if you need more, message me.**

**Thanks!**

**-xXEmistuckXx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Everyone is gathered around the table, listening to Emi tell them of their fandom selves and their fan girls. Kankri can't stop smiling.**

Kankri: Am I really in ALL the fangirls hearts?

Emi: Yup. It's because of your adorable sweater.

Porrim: I was the -one wh-o made that sweater.

Emi: I'll get to you. Let's see, Kankri was cute, Damara was….suggestive, Rufioh was loved both in and out of the comic, Mituna was adorable and Meulin was an older Nepeta.

Emi: Porrim: The fanguys love you. You are….as one might put it….large chested.

Kankri: ***sigh***

Emi: Latula, you are the rad skateboarder. Your adoration for Mituna brnigs all the fanboys to the yard.

**And they're like, you wanna sink ships?**

Emi: Dang right, I wanna sink ships

**I'll sink them, but not my OTP.**

Emi: Rave?

**NO. Tell Aranea how booky she is.**

Aranea: I figured this would happen. One lecture then everyone makes you a Kankri.

Aranea: I feel this stereotype is not only 8arring 8ut it also unfairly shows me as the nerd, in which I am not. I am someone who gives out advice and happen to enjoy a good 8ook. It's not my fault that I know so much. I think the fan8oys are just jealous of my overall academic maturity.

Kankri: Y9u make it s9und like it's a 6ad thing.

Aranea: It kind of is. Why do you think Karkat hates you?

Kankri: 9h. #feelings hurt

Emi: Poor Kankri. Horuss….sympathize with Equius.

Horuss: Awwww

Emi: Kurloz, you are also a scary guy. Not as much as Gamzee though. The fangirls adore your relationship with meulin.

Gamzee: HONK

Gamzee: honk

Emi: Karkat?

Karkat: GOT IT. **Karkat take Gamzee into the closet and shoosh paps for about 5 minutes. Nepeta and Equius hold onto each other.**

Emi: It's okay. You guys are safe here.

**Safe! And…**

Emi: Sound!

**You guys should really try bursting into song. I'm sure broadway trolls agree with me.**

Terezi: :?

Emi: You wouldn't like them.

**Who's next?**

Emi: Cronus. He's the troll straight out of grease. Fangirls…do they love him?

**I sure don't. I'm sure someone does.**

Cronus: Hear that Meenah?

Meenah: She's delirious Cro. That biznasty ain't true.

**Yea it is. Fanguys like you too. It's the gangsta lifestyle.**

Meenah: I AM one bitchin gill.

**Yup. Now mituna, here's all the candy you could ask for. Run my child. Run free!**

Mituna: Y35! F1N4LLY 50M30N3 G1V35 M3 5UG4R!

Emi: Finally?

**Karkat and Gamzee walk out of the closet, Gamzee looking a lot better.**

Kanaya: Karkat, Mituna Has Just Been Handed Multiple Pounds Of Sugar. Do You, By Any Chance, Have A Way To Shoosh Pap him Later On?

Karkat: I'M NOT HIS FUCKING MOIRAIL! ONLY KURLOZ CAN DO IT!

Kurloz: ***nods* **:)

Emi: While Mituna goes nuts, Eridan and Cronus, watch The Ampora Family.

Emi: Karkat and Kankri, you can watch Raising the Vantas Family on my phone.

**The trolls sit in front of the devices and watch the videos. At the end, Cronus laughs.**

Cronus: I remember this! After four days Eridan gavwe up.

Eridan: I did not! You gavve up!

Emi: And dadscar watched the whole thing.

Cronus: NO, he left after hour twvo.

Emi: Karkat, how did you like your video?

Karkat: IT EXPLAINS A LOT ACTUALLY.

Kankri: I f9und it very demeaning. The Signless was a smart and l9yal father wh9 knew what he was d9ing. He was never in such predicament that was applied to that vide9. The 6eing wh9 wr9te that didn't kn9w the Signless pers9nally and p9rtrayed him in a way that implied his as untrustw9rthy and easy t9 misplace things. As his figurative s9n I can personally c9nclude that 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah….

**His rant went on for another minute until Emi snapped out of her derp.**

Emi: Alright, alright, I get it. You didn't approve of it. Next dare.

**It's from livvykitty, who I answered earlier:**

***casually strolls in* Hey, y'all! Before I even start on truths or dares...**

**Emily: Hey. *poke* You read the intro to my truth or dare. If you remember, I asked for a third cohost. Eridanisnotonfire and DSF are on board. Wanna join? If yes, I just need your profile.**

**Okay! Hm...**

**Jane: You must quote only Gir from Invader Zim. **

**Rose: Are you flushed for Kanaya? Lesbianest here.**

**Everyone: WATCH PITCH PERFECT. It's the most amazing movie in existence. Also, please note that leading characters Jesse and Becca remind me of John and Fem!Dave.**

**That is all for now!**

Emi: Alright Jane, you can only quote Gir.

Jane: Who?

Emi: It's a little green alien for an old tv show. My friend has shirts with Gir on them.

Jane: Well, alright.

Jane: Uhhh…I'm gonna roll around the floor for a little while. KAY?

Emi: We'll work on it.

**So, Rose? Are you flushed for Kanaya?**

Rose: I guess it is a good time to announce it.

Kanaya: Are You Implying That We Become Matesprits?

Rose: I guess so. If that isn't too much to ask.

Nepeta: I mew it!

Emi: I dub thee….Ronaya!

Kanaya: ***blushes***

Meulin: Shipp-beep-ed!

**HOLD UP. PITCH PERFECT? **

Emi: Cover your ears!

**SQUUUUUUUUUUEUEEEEEEEEEE!**

Emi: We love pitch perfect.

Dave: There's a girl me?

Emi: Yup! Yo kinda look like Sam.

John: Whoa. You know, Dave, I'm not a homosexual….

Dave: Don't John. You are not dating my fictional genderswap.

John: I can dream!

Emi: ….

**Pitch perfect time!**

***After pitch perfect***

Latula: no d1gg1ty!

Meenah: I gotta bag it up!

Feferi: Sollux! Stop calling me Fat Amy!

Sollux: Eriidan dared me two.

Eridan: Did not!

Eridan: Wwhatevver

Emi: Okay, really, stop with the whatever.

Nepeta: Equius, can you sing?

Equius: N0.

Nepeta: Mew can sing with me!

Equius: I will not participate in such f00lery!

Emi: ***gasp***

Emi: Singing isn't foolery!

Eridan: Wwhatevver.

Emi: NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR COMMENTS ERIDAN!

Eridan: Wweh.

**TENSION!**

Emi: Good grief…

**The next dares are from Pachimew,**

**MUAHAHA! I HAVE DARES, FEAR ME!**

**Mituna: I'm glomping you. Then...either make out with Cronus or the author makes you non-retarded for the rest of this chapter and the next one! (Easy choice much?)**

**Kankri: From now on, every time he goes on a rant, please shove this *Holds up bucket* on his head.**

**John: You are the most adorable derp I know.**

**Dave, Dirk: I want a cute/embarrasing brotherly bonding moment from you two!**

**Roxy: Here's some vodka. Engoy. *Emjoy *Enjuy *Fuck (Hahaha, intentional misspellings...)**

**Jane, Feferi: Bake a cake!**

**Jake: DIRKJAKE, KISS HIM, NOW**

**Sollux: GEMINI FOR THE FUCKING WIN!**

**Eridan: I hate you.**

**Karkat: KARKITTY! Wear cat ears and a kitty tail for three chapters!**

**Nepeta: Here is a Homestuck shipping chart for you to fill out at your leisure! **

**EVERYBODY! SPECIES SWAP FOR THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER AND THE NEXT FIVE! (Trolls become humans and vice versa)**

**I shall return...in the meantime, Pachimew out!**

**And yes I AM insane. HAHAHA WHAT IS LIFE WHEEEEE!**

Emi: Ultimate Fear! Level up!

**The power level! It's over 9000!**

Emi: alright Mituna. Wanna be smart? Or make out with Cronus?

Mituna: UHHHHHH….

Mituna: CR0NU5!

**Even Mituna is bad at easy questions.**

Emi: Really?

Mituna: Y34!

Emi: Alright….closet time I guess.

**Mituna runs into the closet, Cronus falling behind.**

Cronus: Do I havwe to?

Emi: Yes.

Cronus: Fine

**Cronus walks into the closet, dragging his feet. Latula growls.**

Emi: Oh snap! Tension!

**Gdshjtlhdfnsre;qwkuerfnyhsr**

Emi: Yes.

Emi: While they are doing that, Kankri, no rants.

Kankri: I find that m9ti9n undesirable and impractical c9nsidering the utter disrespect 9ther reviewer have placed up9n me. I feel the need t9 describe my em9ti9ns 9y 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah—

**Emi plunks a bucket on top of Kankri's head .**

Kankri: What is this? H9w c9uld y9u put an 9bject of such sexual n9ti9ns 9n my cranium?

Emi: I said, no rants!

Vriska:….

Aranea: Would you like me to fill in while you are in such a st8?

Kankri: Please.

John: I am adorable aren't I?

Eridan: You're as adorable as I am.

**That's a compliment? **

Eridan: Oh. I see howw it is.

**Alright dave. Brotherly love time.**

Dave: Hug me brotha!

Dirk: Oh yea!

**The two run into each other's arms. Dirk spins Dave around, constantly yelling the words 'Strider hug!'**

Dave: Okay, you can put me down.

Dirk: Never, little man.

Emi: I'll take that.

**More vodka? She's had enough.**

***Girl completely ignores me and drops in a bottle of Vodka.***

Roxy: I luve you!

Roxy: *Love

Roxy: *you

Jane: Doom doom doom!

**Better. Now, Fef and Jane, cake time!**

Feferi: Oh buoy! Glub.

Jane: :)

John: Cake? Oh no….

**I have some mix in the cabinet. While you guys do that, I'll get Mituna.**

Emi: I got this.

**Emi opens door to find Mituna and Cronus in deep embrace. **

Latula: tun4!

Mituna: HUH?

Cronus: Damn.

**Cronus? Run.**

Cronus: Fuck!

**Latula jumps on her skateboard and starts to chase Cronus across the house. The ruckus causes pieces of burnt wall, Sollux…, to fall off. The whole house is a wreck.**

Emi: I don't even care anymore. Dirk, Jake, go.

Dirk: God, I love this!

Jake: One day me lips are going to fall straight off!

**And I will laugh.**

Jake: Hey! Why the dickens would you do that?

**It would be funny.**

**Anyway, Sollux, Pachimew likes your zodiac.**

**Eridan, she/he fucking hates you.**

Eridan: Wwhy must evveryone despise me?

**According to the fandom, you are a total jerk who has no quadrents.**

Feferi: I think I would fit well in this findom.

**I already am. Karkitty, put on cat ears and a tail.**

Karkat: FUCK NO!

Emi: More like fuck yes.

**Do it.**

Karkat: FINE. **Karkat puts on the costume and Nepeta purrs.**

Nepeta: You look purrty Karkitty.

Karkat: NO I DON'T.

Nepeta: If mew say so….

**He doesn't look pretty.**

Karkat: HEY!

**He looks ADORABLE! **

Karkat: I WALKED STRAIGHT INTO THAT ONE.

Emi: Pretty much. By the way, you have to wear this for 3 more chapters.

Karkat: FUCK!

Emi: Nepeta, here is your shipping wall. At the end of the day, tell me your ships.

Nepeta: All right!

**Nepeta takes the mini wall and sits on Equius's lap. He frowns.**

Equius: Nepeta, did y0u have t0 menti0n…

Nepeta: Yes.

Aradia: 0_0

**(( Due to the length and major changes, i'm going to skip that last dare. Sorry!))**

Rose: Wait, that's not fair!

John: Can't you make YOURSELF a troll, Em?

Emi: I guess.

**Emi starts to shake and wind flies around her. Yes! Her troll form!**

**When Emi can be seen again, she has slightly shorter hair and olive blood. She is wearing a black skirt and a neon pink shirt with the leo sign. Emi how has grey skin and pointy teeth similar to Karkat's. He horns are tall and nubbed at the ends.**

Nepeta: Wow.

Emi: How do I look?

Karkat: I'M SURPRISED. YOU ACTUALLY LOOK SOMEWHAT OKAY.

Emi: Is my tongue…teal?

**Eww!**

Terezi: H3Y!

**Sorry. I'm not used to seeing myself with a teal tongue.**

Emi: Me neither. I guess I'll be like this for….two chapters? That sounds pretty good.

Kankri: That s9unds like a very…..**Kankri falters when he sees Emi holding up another Bucket.**

Emi: One more dare then,

**It's from obsessivefangirl 03.**

**Okay this is a dare my moirail gave me to put:**

**"I dare Sollux to drink mind honey with Gamzee"**

Emi: Your moirail has good taste. Sollux, bring me a jar of honey!

Sollux: Great.

Gamzee: HONK

Gamzee: honk

Emi: Quick! Honey!

**Narrator takes two spoonfuls of honey and shoves them into the trolls' mouths. **

Sollux: Oh no!

**The trolls shake and with a final bang, the room explodes.**

Emi: Cliffhanger! Up ahead!

**Yup. I'm leaving you guys with a cliffhanger. What will happen next? We'll find out tomorrow!**


	11. Intermission!

**So…may…reviews…so….little…time…**

**I have decided that in order to get to all of them, I must make a MEGA CHAPTER.**

**Expect the chapter to be ready in a few days. Sorry about the wait!**

**xXEmistuckXx**


	12. Mega Chapter!

**Alright, get ready for….MEGA CHAPTER!**

**I'll be covering as many dares as I can.**

**Here we go.**

**I almost forgot about the cliffhanger! So, uhh, to summarize, Gamzee and Sollux woke up to find the whole house in flames. Don't worry, they got out fine. Gamzee is a little burnt though…**

**Due to the house exploding, everyone has moved to an exact replica of the mansion next door.**

**Everyone in the living room!**

Karkat: NOT NOW.

Emi: you've been in the shower for half an hour. Get out.

Karkat: I CAN'T. ERIDAN SAID I SMELL AND I HAVE TO PROVE THAT FUCKER WRONG.

Emi: You're worried about Eridan? Really?

Karkat: DO YOU THINK I SMELL?

Emi: I don't know! It is my job to smell you everytime we pass each other?

Karkat: THAT'D BE NICE.

Terezi: 1 H34RD TH3 WORD SM3LL1NG.

Emi: Does Karkat smell?

Terezi: L1K3 CH3RR13S!

Emi: Hear that?

Karkat: SHE SAID I SMELL LIKE CHERRIES.

Emi: Really? Cause I heard her say "get the fuck out of the shower."

Karkat: FINE.

Emi: Like, now. We have dares to get to.

Nepeta: Emily, why are you standing outside Karkitty's door?

Emi: He won't get out of the shower.

Emi: He says he smells.

Nepeta: Like cherries!

Karkat: IS EVERYONE CROWDING AROUND THE FUCKING BATHROOM DOOR?

Gamzee: HONK.

**Karkat sticks his head out, dripping wet. His hair is plastered around his face.**

Emi: Dude, if you needed a towel, you could have asked Nepeta.

Nepeta: I keep extras in my purrkets.

**Karkat hold out his hand. Nepeta sighs and hands Karkat a towel. He growls a thank you.**

Nepeta: You're welcome.

Emi: He better be. C'mon Nep, we have dares to get to.

**Everyone, except Karkat, settles in the living room. Eridan and Latula are watching Spongebob.**

Emi: Shut that off. It's annoying.

Eridan: Wwhatevver.

Emi: Eridan. Stop. No.

Kanaya: Does Someone Hear A Growling Noise?

**The trolls turn toward the backyard. John is outside, being chased by Dave. Dave is holding a chainsaw.**

Kanaya: My Lipstick!

Emi: My character!

Vriska: My alternate 8oyfriend! ::::(

John: Me!

**Dirk opens the screen door and grabs Dave by the ear. He yelps.**

Dave: Dude! Stop!

Dirk: Lil bro needs to be taught a lesson.

Dave: Don't you dare!

**Dirk ignores Dave and carries him to the closet. Lil Cal is sitting outside the door.**

Dave: Get him away from me!

Jade: Hehe. You guys are so cute.

Dave: I hate you all.

**Karkat walks down from upstairs and nods.**

Karkat: NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL.

Emi: Dirk, you don't have to—

**Dirk blocks out Emi's voice, along with Dave's pleas, and throws Dave in the closet. Lil cal is placed beside him.**

**Brotherly love right there.**

Dirk: Now apologize.

Dave: Who says?

**Dirk calmly walks to the apperifier and makes a dozen smuppets appear. Dave gasps.**

Dave: You wouldn't fucking dare.

Dirk: Apologize.

Dave: I'm sorry!

Emi: For stealing pickles from the pickle jar?

Dave: For chasing John! Now get them away from me!

**The author, as amused as she is, puts the smuppets back in Dirk's room. Lil Cal is moved to Dave's room for later.**

Emi: Alright, enough of this. Time for dares.

**The first dare is from Mastuurrbunny:**

**I came up with more! **

**I dare Kurloz to switch clothes with Meulin.**

**Gamzee to give a lapdance to Tav.**

**Karkat to get chained to Nepeta. (How ever long you want them to be chained.)**

**Jake to say 'Not since that Accident' everyone someone asks him a question.**

**And for Equius and Horrus to say one bad thing about hoofbeast.**

**Thanks! Your so awesome! (:**

Emi: I am, aren't I?

Kurloz: D:

Emi: You can get dressed in your rooms. Kurloz, don't rip Meulin's clothes.

Kurloz: :0

Meulin: Let's-go beep.

**Kurloz and Meulin head upstairs, Kurloz lagging behind.**

Emi: I wonder if Kurloz can pull off a skirt.

Eridan: I can!

Emi: I know. It's sad.

Feferi: At least you didn't see )(im with it on!

Eridan: Hey!

**Let's…move on. Gamzee is NOT doing that to Tav.**

Gamzee: AWW man. HONK.

Emi: When will nine chapters be over?

Karkat: NOT QUICK ENOUGH.

**Hold that sentence, Karkat. I have to…alright, I found some handcuffs in the junk drawer. Nepeta, pounce-cuff.**

Nepeta: Hey Karkitty?

Karkat: WHAT NOW?

Nepeta: Get ready to be….

Jade: Ruffed.

Karkat: OH GOD.

Nepeta: Seriously though hold still.

**Nepeta clicks the handcuffs in place and hands Emi the keys. Emi ponders over whether or not to swallow them.**

Emi: Gross! I'm putting them in my pocket for safe keeping. They can be released at the end of the chapter.

Karkat: FUCK.

**Kurloz and Meulin patter down the stairs, Meulin trying not to trip over Kurloz's pants. Kurloz is waddling in Meulin's skirt. **

Emi: You two look adorable!

Kurloz: /:(

**It's the face again!**

Emi: *Ignores stupid narrator* Kurloz, loving the knee socks.

Meulin: These-shorts-are-ugly.

Kanaya: Preach It Sister!

Karkat: WHO CARES ABOUT THE SHORTS! I AM CHAINED TO AN AUTISTIC CAT GIRL WHO WON'T STOP SNIFFING HAIR!

Nepeta: Your hair smells like coconuts!

Terezi: NO NO. TROP1C4L!

Latula: th4t must sm3ll n1c3.

Emi: It does. It also happens to smell like my shampoo!

Karkat: IT WAS THAT OR MITUNA'S SPONGEBOB BERRY.

Terezi: STR4WB3RRY?

Emi: Mixed purple.

**Wow! The complexity of our conversation is reaching new heights!**

**Really, though. Jake, you have to answer with 'not since the accident' every time someone asks you a question.**

Jake: Gee wilikers!

**We'll test that later. Equius, Horuss. Diss the hoofbeasts!**

Equius: I..uh…do not like hoofbeast eyes. They seem stare into my horse soul.

Emi: Oh.

Horuss: * don't l*ke hoofbeast whinies. They are too shrill.

Emi: …

Equius: I like them.

**Uhhhhh…**

Nepeta: Equius? Do you need a towel?

Equius: Yes, please.

Nepeta: Emi? Could you purrhaps take one out of my coat?

Emi: Sure.

**Emi takes a towel from Nepeta and hands it to Equius. His sweaty hands grab the towel. I cannot describe the grossness that the poor Emi has to sit next to. **

Emi: Hey, Jake, you wanna trade places?

Jake: Not since the accident.

Emi: Nevermind.

**Next dares are from Aru Lawlieth:**

**Hehe.. I love it... Emi if I were less attracted to guys I would dare you to marry me.. not happening though... anyway... lets make this happen.**

**Virska.. I suddenly think I was kind of rude to you... I still hate you and Im glad you cant talk for a while... *mutters* b!tch..**

**Karkat: Then again what a lovely voice... not singing right now... but each time you say something rude or with nasty words you HAVE to kiss the person you were being rude with...**

**Kankri: Truth.. did kissing Kurloz triggered too much or you actually enjoyed it?**

**Roxy:.. I adore you! choose who ever you want and have some drunkie make outs in the closet.. have fun girl**

**Mituna and Sollux: Tetris competition. Now**

**Now that I saw this last part of the chapter... Im actually kind of a fan of Equius... but I only have two dares for him... first.. be Dave's buttler ... the other for next time :P ...**

**I loved the song part.. I was laughing so hard it hurt**

Emi: I'm…flattered?

Vriska: Heeeeeeeey!

Emi: Ahem!

Vriska: ::::(

Karkat: WHY ARE YOU SAD? I CAN'T EXPRESS MY FUCKING FEELINGS!

Karkat: OH, OOPS.

Emi: Welp, Karkat. You know what this means.

Vriska: Oh heeeeeeeell no!

Vriska: I don't care if I can't talk. I am not kissing Karkat!

Karkat: AGREED!

John: Don't fight guys! Maybe we can be in a love triangle.

Emi: Hmmmm…

Nepeta: Just kiss her and get it over with!

Karkat: NO!

Emi: Now!

Vriska: Who says?

**Hey, Vris? Might wanna repeat that?**

Vriska: Sure! I'M NOT KISSING KARKAT.

**Well, that's settled.**

Emi: No it's not. I have come up with a punishment.

Karkat: IT COULD NEVER BE AS BAD AS KISSING THE SPIDERBITCH.

Emi: Everytime someone does not complete a dare, they have to be my butler for the whole day. That means going EVERYWHERE with me.

Vriska: And?

Emi: And you must kiss Eridan.

Eridan: Hey!

Vriska: Get over here Karkat!

Karkat: I CAN'T AGREE MORE!

**Vriska and Karkat quickly kiss and wipe their lips in disgust.**

**Meulin reaches for a piece of chalk.**

Emi: No.

Emi: Oh my gosh!

**What?**

Emi: Nepeta never showed her shipping chart!

Nepeta: Do I have mew?

Emi: I'm pretty sure it was part of the dare.

Nepeta: Oh alright.

**Nepeta points her toe to a satchel. Emily pulls out a small whiteboard, covered with ships.**

Emi: Let's see, Sollux and Feferi, Karkat and Nepeta, Aradia and Equius, Kanaya and rose, Dave and Tavros…

Dave: Wait, what?

Emi: EMI AND JOHN?

John: What?

Tavros: nEPETA!

Emi: EMI. AND. JOHN.

Nepeta: You guys looked like a good pair…

John: Sorry, Nepeta, but I don't think that's going to work out.

Emi: EMI AND JOHN. EMI AND JOHN.

**Calm down, geez. It's just a ship.**

Aradia: 0_0

Equius: I..um…this portrayal is une%cusable!

Emi: …

Latula: 1 th1nk you guys brok3 3m1.

**Emily, snap out of it.**

**EMILY ROSE!**

Emi: Nepeta, never speak of this again.

Nepeta: Alright.

Meulin: Ship-ped.

John: Are you saying you wouldn't want to go out with me?

Emi: It's just not canon. Plus, you're a little…

John: Don't say it.

Emi: …. You'd be better as a homosexual. If I didn't ship JohnVris.

John: Emi!

Emi: Johnkat?

Vriska and Nepeta: WHAT?

Emi: Okay, okay geez.

Emi: Maybe going out with John wouldn't be bad.

Emi: I'm just not doing it.

John: God, I thought you were canon!

**Can we get to the next dare? **

**Kankri, did kissing Kurloz trigger you?**

Kankri: Just a little 6it. I usually d9n't kiss anyone t99 9ften s9 getting the chance, and a g99d friend as well, did happen to make me—

**Kankri is interrupted when Emi shoves another bucket on his head.**

Kankri: Are you really starting with me? I have 6een taking this all day and the 9ne time I can express myself I have t9 6e sh9ved into a spherical device that h9lds items of certain usage in which I will n9t specify! #t9rture

**Kankri continues his rant, blabbing about everything under the sun. Every word spoken, Porrim gets a little madder, a little more embarrassed for him. Then she snaps.**

Porrim: I am do+ne! Stop yo+ur blabbing and get o+ver it!

Kankri: P9rrim, please, calm d9wn.

Porrim: I wo+n't calm do+wn. You men are always taking things to+ far! Just sit do+wn and live with that…thing o+n yo+ur head! Fo+r the go+o+d of us all, sto+p!

**Kankri seems a bit surprised at this outburst and sits down, adjusting the bucket. Emi raises her eyebrows.**

Meenah: ***whispering to Feferi* **That gill's got nerve.

Feferi: What a beach.

**Next dare…. Roxy? Pick a sloppy makeout partner.**

Roxy: Dirky!

Dirk: NO!

Roxy: yus!

Roxy: *yes

Emi: Sorry Dirk. The closet is open for business.

Dirk: I hope it files for bankruptcy.

Roxy: Hurry up Darky! I'm rudy for smoochus!

Roxy: *Dirky

Roxy: *Ready, *Smooches

Jane: Yea! We're doomed!

Dirk: More like I'm doomed.

**Get in the closet. Roxy's waiting.**

Dirk: Dave, if I don't make it out alive, you can inherit all my smuppets.

Dave: Be nice Rox!

Roxy: Heheehhe

**Dirk walks into the closet and shuts the door.**

Emi: Jake? Are you okay?

Jake: Not since the accident.

Emi: Uggh.

**While Rox gets the guy of her dreams, Sollux and Mituna need to play tetris.**

Sollux: Ii'm goiing to beat him 2o hard!

Mituna: K155 MY 455!

**Sollux and Mituna plug into my computer, pulling up an old game. Sollux gives a controller to mItuna, who starts pressing buttons wildly. Mituna loses almost immediately.**

**Sollux continues long after Mituna loses, smashing buttons and flying past the level. Three minutes in, Sollux yells.**

Sollux: Aarrgg! You weren't 2upposed to go there!

Emi: Welp. I guess Sollux wins.

Mituna: 1 W4N7 4 R3M47CH!

Latula: 1t's 4lr1ght b4b3. You d1d w3ll.

Mituna: 1 D1D?

Cronus: Wvhat are you talkin about? He wvas…

Latula: r4d1c4l.

Sollux: ii 2tiill win.

**Yea, yea, Sollux wins.**

Dirk: Help! **The closet door bangs and a tired Dirk drops out. Roxy smiles.**

Roxy: Thut was fun!

Roxy: *that

Gamzee: HONK

Dirk: Sorry Jake.

Jake: It's alright. I don't mind.

**Dave, you now have a butler.**

Dave: Sick!

Equius: I am n0t serving an….e%cretory lowb100d.

Emi: Hey Eridan! Any open quadrents?

Eridan: Fuck you.

Equius: I..need a towel.

Dave: Can you get me one too? I'm feeling a little hot.

Terezi: H3H3H3H3! H3'S S1ZZ1L31NG!

Equius: I d0 n0t agree t0 these circumstances.

Nepeta: I think I ran out of meowels.

Emi: There's more in the bathroom closet.

Karkat: YOU DIDN'T FUCKING TELL ME THAT!

Karkat: I hate you.

Emi: Uhhhh

**I hate you too. Just…make it quick.**

**Karkat blushes and Emi barely kisses his cheek.**

**Nepeta frowns.**

Emi: ***mumbling* **Next dare.

Karkat: PLEASE.

**It's from OneLazyPerson:**

**ok got a couple of dares here**

**Nepeta: 7 minutes in a closet with either Gamzee or Karkat (Author can choose which one)**

**Mituna and Sollux: sing the bumblebee remix **

**Karkat: Listen to one of Kankri's letures about triggers**

Nepeta: Mew know what to mew, Emi.

Emi: But…actually….

Gamzee: honk

Emi: Nope. Alright, Karkat and Nepeta.

Karkat: WERE YOU…DECIDING?

Emi: My Gamnep surfaced.

Nepeta: I'm drowning it.

Gamzee: HONK

Nepeta: We better hurry Karkitty. Gamzee doesn't look good.

Equius: Emily….

**I'll watch him. Until the nine chapters are finished, Equius go sit on the other side of the room. Nepeta, you have seven minutes.**

Nepeta: Let's go!

Karkat: I'M SO OVER THIS.

Emi: It is a bit overdone.

Nepeta: Mew cares!

Equius: Me.

Nepeta: Cheer up grumpy pants! This is great for me!

Karkat: PLEASE, MAKE HER STOP.

**I'm starting the clock.**

Nepeta: Karkitty!

Karkat: I FUCKING HATE THIS.

Karkat: I CAN'T KISS A DARE, CAN I?

Emi: You can kiss a reviewer….

Karkat: NOT IF I'M KISSING SOMEONE ELSE!

**Karkat jumps into the closet, Nepeta smiling. It's not really cute anymore.**

Emi: Two dares in one day for the captors! You guys sure are loved.

Mituna: Y34!

**Emi looks up the bumblebee remix to find that there's no words. It's buzzing.**

Emi: I guess you guys are buzzing.

Sollux: That'2 the one thiing thi2 fucktard can do.

Mituna: 8UZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Sollux: Buuuuuzzzzzzzzz

Mituna: 8UUUUZZZZZZZ

**The buzzing goes on for another few minutes. Kankri takes advantage of this time and starts lecturing Karkat from outside the closet door. **

**Right before seven minutes is up, Emi bangs on the table.**

Emi: CAN YOU GUYS STOP!

Emi: I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK OVER THE CONSTANT BUZZING AND SLOPPY SMOOCHES!

Everyone except for Nep and Karkat: …

Emi: GET OUT OF THE CLOSET!

**Nepeta and Karkat walk out of the closet, a little dazed but mostly scared.**

Emi: STOP.

Emi: JUST STOP.

…

Emi: Now, everyone be quiet for three fricking minutes.

Meulin: I ca-n't hear any-thing!

**Emi growls and goes upstairs for a quick nap. Narrator steps in.**

**Alright everyone! Let's a couple dares out of the way. Moonchan, that isn't really a dare. You can, however, get a t-shirt.**

Moon-chan: Yea!

**These dares are from Alyssa:**

**Karkat, suffer through a lecture from kankri without talking. And to dirk and dave, why do you hide behind your sunglasses**

Karkat: I JUST FUCKING DID THAT.

**We'll skip over that one.**

Dirk: I'll answer for both of us by saying it's because of our eyes.

**Your eyes? What's wrong with them.**

Dave: I guess you could consider the colors ironic….

Dirk: No they are not!

**I'll have to agree with Dirk. Red and orange fit pretty well with you guys.**

Dave: You weren't supposed to—

Terezi: R3D?

Terezi: 1 W1SH 1 H4D R3D 3Y3S…

**You do.**

Terezi: WH4T3V3R. R3D 3Y3S 4R3 ST1LL COOL.

Dave: They are not. They are fucking ugly and mutant.

Karkat: AGAIN. NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL.

**God, you so self-conscious. Who cares about the colors of your eyes?**

Terezi: ….R3D…. :)

**Other than Terezi.**

Dirk: He's always been like that.

Dave: Yea right. What about you Mr. Orange Eyes?

Dirk: Red is kinda like brown. Orange makes no sense.

**Maybe if you change your pesterchum color, your eyes will change!**

Dirk: …..

**Stupid moments. You never know when you'll get them.**

Dave: Are we done here? Not too happy about this topic.

**I guess so. The next dare is from jazzminedeyamport.**

**Everyone do the caramelldasen.**

**This means you Emi!**

Emi: No.

**Dance on your balls….**

Emi: Stop singing those lyrics. That's like stealing from the commentor.

**Cat fucking a handbag.**

Emi: Yours only yours.

**I'm on a stable dance bed.**

**Emily returns from her nap, still holding her head.**

Emi: It's no lie.

**Lisa in the crowd said.**

Emi: Look harry has a vagina malfunction!

Eridan: Wwhat kind of song is this?

**Those aren't the real lyrics. Those are what the girls sound like they are singing.**

Emi: It was the best comment I had ever read.

**Let's dance! I'm sure you've memorized the dance.**

Nepeta: I have!

Meulin: me -too!

Dave: Me three!

**Everyone looks at Dave.**

Dirk: ***sniff* **That's my boy.

**Everyone gathers in the backyard and Emi puts the song on her Iphone. **

**The kids start dancing. The trolls, other than Nep and Meulin, have no idea what is happening. Gamzee starts to copy Nepeta's moves.**

Eridan: Wwhat the fuck?

Emi: Do it. **Emi has her hand over her head and is a bit embarrassed to be one of the few kids dancing. Terezi joins in next to her.**

Terezi: TH1S 1S FUN!

Karkat: WHO CARES.

Karkat: I'M NOT DOING THIS.

**Terezi stops dancing and takes Karkat's hands. She places them on top of his head.**

Terezi: SH4K3 YOUR H1PS.

Karkat: NO. I'M NOT SHAKING MY HIPS WHY WOULD I DO THAT? I'M NOT A STUPID CAT.

Nepeta: True. You're a stupid troll…

Karkat: TEREZI GET OFF OF ME.

**Terezi is now holding Eridan's hands by Karkat's hips.**

**Karkat has no choice but to tilt his hip to one side every time Terezi puts Eridan's hand next to it. **

John: Good job Karkat!

Karkat: GO FALL IN A BOTTOMLESS HOLE.

**Soon every troll, except for Terezi and Eridan, is dancing. Mituna is more or less jumping.**

Emi: Dave…are you wearing a cat tail?

Dave: No.

Emi: But I….

Dave: It's a blue lion tail.

Emi: No, that looks like a—

Dave: Lion tail. Yea, I know.

**The song ends and everyone returns to the living room. Terezi is still holding Eridan's wrists.**

Terezi: H4V3 YOU GUYS 3V3R NOT1C3D TH4T 3R1D4N ST4YS COMPL3T3LY S1L3NT WH3N YOU HOLD H1S WR1STS?

Karkat: I DID NOTICE A COMPLETE LACK OF IDIOTIC FISH CHATTER IN THE AIR.

Eridan: And I noticed a major growwth in the amount of landwweller crap next to me.

Eridan: Oh wwait. It's always been there.

**Eridan pulled Terezi's hands off his wrists and flicked the back of Karkat's head.**

Feferi: Eridan! Glubbing stop it!

Eridan: Fef, you knoww he deserved it!

Karkat: CAN WE GET TO THE NEXT DARE? FISH FUCK IS PISSING ME OFF.

**The next dares are from shiipperPsiioniic**

**Eridan! Sollux! You two haven't been getting many dares, so here's one you may or may not like.**

**SLOPPY MAKEOUTS TIME GO! **

**Damara, feel free to take pictures.**

**Jade: um, uh...**

**(tosses rawhide bone)**

**Here.**

**This is sorta awkward, I normally give these to my dog.**

**Well! I should be leaving!**

**( hops on boat painted with a heart, surrounded by ships with a spade, club and diamond )**

**SHIPS - SAIL!**

**(sails away screaming OTPS!)**

Emi: Take me with you!

Nepeta: Can I come?

Emi: No.

Nepeta: Awww.

Eridan: No wway.

Eridan: You cannot make me do this.

Eridan: I'm NOT doin this.

Sollux: ii agree with fii2hfuck.

Emi: Sollux, it's either you kiss Eridan or…..kiss Eridan….

Sollux: ii'm trapped.

Eridan: Can I kiss myself?

Emi: Uh, no. Just make the shipper happy and do it.

Sollux: Clo2et?

Emi: Yep.

Eridan: I fuckin hate this.

**Eridan and Sollux walk into the closet. Eridan slams the door.**

Emi: Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Cronus: I hope it does.

Emi: Wish with all your heart.

Meenah: What the angelin fuck is a heart?

**Meenah is ignored as Emi takes the camera out of Damara's hand.**

Damara: udyyfiodir4nyp845y

Dave: she's cursing at you.

Emi: Oh great.

Dave: She also wants to...do things to Eridan and Sollux when they are done.

Emi: Damara, if you touch either of them, I'm sueing.

Damara: fvdlbd,f;hg;gt;h\

**Dave blushes and dosen't translate. Damara smiles.**

**In the midst of the following awkward silence, a rawhide appears on Jade's lap. She woofs and starts to chew on it. **

Emi: Uh, Eridan and Sollux? You can come out now!

Eridan: Thank gog!

**Eridan and Sollux walk out of the closet. You can tell that the kisses where nowhere near sloppy.**

Emi: Eridan, can I use your white science wand for a sec?

Eridan: Do you admit that it's not magic?

Emi: Sure. Whatever.

**Emi takes the totally magic wand and blasts the camera out of Damara's hand. Damara frowns and reaches for her chopsticks.**

Emi: Damara, I really don't think—

**Damara launches herself full blast at Emi. Emi screams and jumps behind the tallest kid in the room, Gamzee. **

Gamzee: HONK.

Gamzee: honk.

Gamzee: Heheh.

Karkat: UGGH. JUST GIVE HIM THE SOPOR SLIME.

**Has it been nine chapters?**

Emi: Honestly, I've stopped counting.

**Did the dare even say nine chapters?**

**Screw it, give him pie.**

Karkat: THANK GOG I KEEP SOME IN MY SYLLADEX.

**Karkat takes out a pie and stuffs it into Gamzee's mouth. Shoosh paps take place.**

Gamzee: HoNk.

Damara: dkjgbdoq/wunfb

Dave: S—

Emi: If you translate her, I'm getting Eridan.

**Someone get this girl a counselor. **

Emi: Kanaya will be happy to help.

Kanaya: I Never Applied For This Position.

**You know, I think Mega chapter is getting a little too long. Last dare for tonight.**

Emi: There's like twenty dares. We'll finish tomorrow.

Gamzee: AwWwWwW

Emi: You need rest…


	13. Mega chapter part 2

**I have an announcement…**

**Because of all the reviews I am getting….**

**I will have to start….**

**SKIPPING DARES!**

Karkat: NOOOOOOO!

Karkat: WAS THAT GOOD? DID I SOUND SCARED?

Emi: Pretty much.

Karkat: CAN THE DARES WE SKIP BE MINE?

Emi: In your dreams.

Tavros: CAN WE,,, UH,,,, START THE DARES NOW?

Aradia: I'm hungry!

Dave: We ran out of Apple juice.

**Trolls swarm into Emi's room, complaining. Roxy is leading the group.**

Roxy: I want mure alcohual!

Rose: I could go for a good drink as well.

Mituna: MY 5K473804RD 15 G0N3!

Meenah: I can't find my trident!

Gamzee: MiRaClEs…..

Karkat: EVERYONE SHUT UP! ARADIA, HAVE YOU CHECKED THE KITCHEN.

Aradia: 0_0

Karkat: GO FUCKING CHECK.

Karkat: DAVE, DID _YOU_ CHECK THE KITCHEN?

Dave: ….

Karkat: AGAIN, GO FUCKING CHECK.

Karkat: ROSE AND ROXY DID YOU CHECK THE KITCHEN?

Roxy: No. I didn't.

Karkat: YOU KNOW WHAT, IF YOU HAVEN CHECKED THE KITCHEN, GO LOOK NOW.

**Everyone leaves the room, except Emi, Narrator, Karkat and Nepeta.**

Emi: Why is everything in the kitchen?

Karkat: WELL, HALF THE THINGS THEY NEEDED WERE FOOD, THE REST I PUT THERE FOR SAFE KEEPING.

Emi: Skateboards and tridents?

Nepeta: Oh, that was me. : 33

**Karkat groans and takes Nepeta downstairs. Emi lies on her bed.**

Emi: God, those kids are a handful.

**Maybe we should do something different, like go somewhere.**

Emi: We can't. There may be some dares that can only be done here.

**Let's invite someone.**

Emi: Who?

**Maybe like Cas or Liv.**

Emi: They're busy. How about we play a game?

**What about the dares?**

Emi: I know! Let's go on the roof!

**We have a roof?**

Emi: You didn't notice? There's a pool up there. It's bigger than the one in the backyard.

**Let's go!**

Emi: Alright, I'll get everyone. Meet me on the roof.

**I've heard that one before.**

**Everyone gathers on the roof and immediately jump into the pool. Well, most of the kids do. Gamzee stands at the edge. **

Gamzee: Do I hAvE tO? I DoN'T lIkE tO sWiM.

Emi: You can sit next to me on the pool stairs.

Gamzee: CoOl.

**Gamzee settles next to Emi and they talk for a little bit. Gamzee sits on the top step and Emi is up to her stomach on the third.**

Emi: Come swim! It's nothing like the ocean, I promise.

**Gamzee seemed reluctant.**

Emi: Do you know how to swim?

Gamzee: No. I nEvEr LeArNeD.

Emi: I'll teach you.

**Emi took Gamzee's hand and helped him to the final step, where she was standing. Gamzee shivers.**

Gamzee: ThE wAtEr'S cOlD.

Emi: You'll get used to it. Look at Eridan and Feferi.

**Eridan was diving into the pool headfirst. When he came back up to the surface, Feferi giggled and jumped on his back. Eridan dove like a dolphin, dragging Feferi under. Gamzee gasped.**

Emi: Watch. She's okay.

**Eridan jumped into the air, Feferi holding on to his shoulders. He arched and once more went under, smiling. Gamzee's eyes widened.**

Gamzee: MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClEs.

Emi: Cool right? I don't think even I could do that.

Emi: Alright, now touch the floor.

**Gamzee steps off the bottom stair and onto the floor. The water is up to his waist.**

Emi: Now, crouch down. The water's going to be chilly.

**Gamzee crouches, leaving only his head above water.**

Emi: Now, watch me.

**Emi starts to swim, kicking her arms and legs. Gamzee bites his lip and throws himself into some kind of downward floating position. He starts to sink.**

Emi: Gamzee! Come back up!

**Gamzee lifts his head and takes a large gasp of air.**

Gamzee: I'm NoT gOoD aT tHiS.

Cronus: Need help? I am the teaching master.

Gamzee: It'S oKaY. eMi Is AlL uP aNd TeAcHiNg Me.

Emi: Karkat might need help, though.

Karkat: I'M DOING GREAT, FUCKASS.

**Emi, Cronus and Gamzee turn to find Karkat pretty much drowning in the deep end. He is flailing his arms and yelling curses. His face is bright red.**

Eridan: I got you Kar.

**Eridan swims over to Karkat and holds him up. Karkat is transported back to the shallow end, where Emi and Gamzee are laughing.**

Karkat: DON'T TOUCH ME!

Emi: Throw him back, Eridan.

Karkat: NONONONONONONONONONONONONO!

Eridan: Wwhatevver Kar.

**Not to spoil the fun, but we have dares to get to.**

**This is from Pachimew:**

**Okay, first...I'm a girl, and a Gemini, which is why I love Sollux so much, and it's okay about skipping the last one...hopefully we can come back to that later...and I love the brotherly bond moment! (OMG Dirk XD) Now...**

**...*Muttering* Body swap probably won't work if species swap didn't...which is a real shame...soooo...**

**Dave: STAY LOCKED IN THE CLOSET WITH LIL CAL FOR A WHOLE CHAPTER, AND MUST STAY IN THERE IF OTHERS HAVE TO USE SAID CLOSET!**

**Meenah: Listen to one of Cronus' songs without complaint. If she does so, I will give her as many boonbonds as she wishes because MEENAH'S AWESOME AND BADASS.**

**Meulin: I'm giving her all the subbed anime I can find. ALL of it. Meulin's awesome too.**

**Nepeta: RP with EVERYONE! AND THEY HAVE TO PARTICIPATE!**

**Terezi: CHALK FOR YOU! *Gives her huge box of chalk***

**Latula: I'm sorry about making Mituna kiss Cronus...honestly I thought he'd chose to be smart...sorry...**

**Tavros: Hi Tav! (He's cute, too) **

**I can't think of anything else at the moment...so that's all! Until next time, Pachimew out!**

Emi: Body swap! Who said anything about body swap? I luv body swap!

John: Karkat, if you ever do that again—

Karkat: I HATED IT AS MUCH AS YOU DID.

**And I watched the whole thing from my computer screen.**

**((Yes, I'm talking about the body swap vid on YouTube. You know the one.))**

Dave: Okay, two things. One, that image scarred me for life. Two, WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?

Emi: We have a closet where we keep pool stuff in the corner. You can go in there. Dirk, we need to borrow Lil Cal.

Dirk: Cool. Wanna know something weird? I found him on Dave's bed.

**How interesting. I wonder why.**

**Anyway, Dave, go.**

Dave: Uggh. You know what? Maybe I'll ironically start to like him.

Emi: And the whole fandom will be disappointed.

Dave: They think it's funny don't they.

**Dead hilarious. Now go and don't come out until the end of the chapter. Even if it needs to be used.**

Dave: Wait, what?

Emi: C'mon Dave!

**Emi pushes Dave into the closet and locks the door. The key lies in her palm.**

Emi: Oh crap! I forgot to unlock you two!

Nepeta: I furgot we had to be unlocked!

Karkat: I'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER.

Emi: Is that why she's been following you into the bathroom?

Karkat: I FOUND A SHOWER CURTAIN TO HANG OVER ME.

Nepeta: Karkitty wouldn't let me take a shower…

**Emi unlocks the two. Karkat slips his hand out and runs to swim with Terezi. Nepeta joins Equius.**

Emi: I forget a lot of things…

Emi: Anyway, Meenah, time to listen to Cronus singing!

Meenah: whale, I am the master of dancing.

**Cronus jumps out of the pool and grabs an acoustic guitar from the pool closet. He starts to serenade, Meenah dancing with Arana. Emi hums.**

Meenah: Can I sing?

Cronus: Alright.

Meenah: _Boonbucks a plenty. I'm here an ready, the hos be trippen over my braids, I'm in the game…_

**Meenah raps to the slow music, eventually blocking out Cronus totally.**

Cronus: Can I sing nowv?

Meenah: fuck no!

Cronus: But that's the dare! **Cronus whined.**

Meenah: You already sang. That dare is mine now, bitch.

Cronus: Ugghh.

**Cronus continues to play the guitar. Meenah raps and dubstep remixes and all that good stuff.**

Emi: (that horoscope lies)

**(I know)**

Meenah: What the anglein fuck are you gills talkin bout?

Emi: uhhh, we were talking about the boonbonds you got.

Meenah: Damn right I got boonbonds.

Emi: I put them in your room for safe keeping. You can get them later.

Emi: Now, Meulin, you get all the subbed anime in the world.

Meulin: (=ouo=)

Emi: Can I borrow some?

Meulin: (-n-)

Meulin: You-re not c-ool.

Terezi: 4W SN4P!

Emi: That wasn't….. whatever. Next dare.

**Alright Nepeta, time to roleplay!**

**Author snaps her finger and everyone gets a costume.**

**Nepeta's a cat, Terezi's a dragon, Karkat's a princess along with Feferi, and everyone else is an evil flying dog or horse. I don't know what drugs they were on when they came up with this, but I'm guessing catnip was involved.**

Emi: Do I really have to be an evil poodle? That's not really scary.

Meulin: I'm a pu-g!

Emi: Again, not scary.

Nepeta: *ac reminds evil poodle to talk in her scary voice*

Emi: *** Emi poodle frowns and starts to growl.***

Nepeta: * Oh no! Evil poodle on the lose! Screams strong kitty.*

Equius: Hide in the nearest cave!

**Equius and Nepeta jump underneath the dining room table.**

Karkat: IS ANYONE GOING TO FUCKING SAVE ME?

Nepeta: We're coming Purrincesskitty!

Damara: hfitdsiaudfqgtir4f

Dave: Don't let Damara save him. Um, neigh.

Horuss: Neigh to you too Davehorse.

Nepeta: Oh no! Purrincesskitty has been stolen!

Terezi: H3H3H3H3H3H3!

**Terezi picks up Karkat and drags him away from his cardboard box tower. **

Feferi: Oh my glubbing gosh! Eridandog, after the terribubble dragon!

Eridan: ***unsarcastically* **Wwoof wwoof.

**Eridan (completely out of character) walks over to Terezi. He slaps her face and takes Karkat to Feferi's box.**

Terezi: OW! S1NC3 WH3N D1D 3V1L DOGS L34RN TO F1GHT!

Karkat: I'VE BEEN SAVED. YEA.

Nepeta: Let's celebrate!

**Meulin, Nepeta and Jade start to dance, which makes no sense since Jade's an evil dog.**

**As the other trolls start to converse, Latula and Mituna ruffing, Horuss and Equius neighing, Evil poodle sees her chance. **

**Slyly, Emi sneaks behind Princess Feferi and snatches her.**

Feferi: AAAHHHHHH! Glub!

Meulin: Oh-no! The pr-incess!

Latula: ruff! ruff!

Jade: Woof! All hail the evil doggy queen!

**The evil dogs bow to Emi, who is standing atop the stairs.**

Emi: Bow to me, my evil servants! The kingdom is mine!

Nepeta: Noooooo! Equius horse, do something!

Equius: Poodle queen! I order you to release the highblood!

Emi: Hmmm, how about…no.

Equius: I need a towel.

Terezi: W41T, WH4T ABOUT TH3 3V1L DR4GONS 4ND HORS3S?

Emi: Who cares?

Horuss: Hey! We want to bow too!

Emi: ….

Gamzee: RuFf. I sAy, No HoRsEs.

Emi: I agree with Gamdog!

Feferi: Evil dragons and horses , save me already!

Eridan: Wwoof! I cannot help you anymore.

**Emi smiles. Her empire is growing.**

Emi: I am the queen now. You must listen to me!

Tavros: UHHH, I SAY,,, NEIGH TOO,,,THAT.

Rufioh: No evil dogs!

**The evil dogs and horses clash, leaving Emi to fight with Princess Feferi upstairs. **

Nepeta: Not so fast, Queen Emi!

**Nepeta appears behind Emi and Feferi. Her claws are outstretched. **

Nepeta: Release the purrincess.

Emi: Never!

**Emi runs down the stairs, dragging the princess behind.**

Nepeta: Come back and furight! Like a real dog!

**Nepeta pounces on Emi and with one claw up her hand quickly brushes Emi's face.**

**And starts to tickle her!**

Emi: HAHAHA…okay, okay! HAHA, you can have her!

Nepeta: Yea!

**Nepeta helps the princess out of Emi's grip and places her on her tower. Emi pulls off her fake dog ears.**

Emi: That was fun!

Terezi: BUT, TH3 DR4GON D1DN'T G3T TO B1T3 ANYONE!

Emi: You can bite Eridan.

Eridan: Wyeh.

Terezi: ONLY 1F H3'S COV3R3D 1N MY N3W CH4LK.

Emi: Latula, Pachimew says sorry. Tav, she says hi.

Tavros: oHHH. HI, dOES EVERYONE WANT TO GREET ME?

Vriska: Why does heeeeeeee get to 8e so popular?

Emi: Yea, why don't I get any dares?

**I wouldn't be asking for that….**

**But, whatever. Next dare is from TheBloodyArtist:**

**Okay. Hello peeps. I got a couple of dares for ya.**

**Tavros: Slap Vriska, and she can't do anything about it( I know you are awesome the way you are now, but I really want to see for myself that you slap Vriska. Also, you are mah patron troll).**

**Anyways...**

**Karkat: Yes. I am finally doing this. I spammed many truth or dares with this ingenious dare. Karkat, I dare you to dress in a sparkly pink leotard with a really frilly pink skirt and you also have to wear red bows in your hair. You have to wear this for 3 chapters.**

**Vriska: (this is to make up for Tavros Slapping you.) Choose anyone in the room, other than Tavros, cuz he went trough enough trouble already, and give them the best makeover ever. c:**

**I am done, but I shall return. Just whatever you do, when you see the statue of an angel, don't. Blink.**

**The Bloody Artist out.**

**Btw, this story is halarious. XD**

Emi: Why can't I blink?

**Maybe it's like religious.**

Emi: Oh.

Emi: Like that Jesus tree?

**I guess. **

Emi: Oh, hey, look. Vriska actually got that dare she wanted.

Vriska: I didn't want that! ::::(

Tavros: TOO LATE,,,

**Tavros slowly lifts his hand and slaps Vriska straight across the face. The noise it makes is a mixure of smack and slap. It's…a slmack.**

Vriska: Tavros!

Emi: Oooh, it left a blue mark.

**Tavros smiled.**

Tavros: RUFIO….

Tavros: RUFIO!

**Tavros crouched holding his head. With a large thwack, Tavros lifted his head to show his eyes burning with sick fires. Wings ripped from his back, unveiling their beauty to the room. Tavros screeched a noise as loud as the vast honk. With one final burst of steam and fire, Tavros burst through the smoke. His eyes were glowing orange now, and his hair waving with such fearsome grace, they mimicked the horrorterrors themselves.**

Tavros: NOBODY MESSES WITH TAVROS ANYMORE! HE IS THE TRUE LEADER!

**Tavros kicked Emi out of her seat and sat. Fire was snapping and crackling off his body. He sneered.**

Tavros: WELL? I'M WAITING.

Emi: Right, the dares…uh….

Emi: Kanaya, by any chance, do you have a sparkily pink leotard, a poofy skirt and red hair bows?

Kanaya: Is It March Already?

Tavros: IF THOSE ARE FOR ME, I SWEAR—

Emi: It's not. Now, if you will, can you not set Gamzee's hair on fire?

**Tavros had let Gamzee sit on the floor next to him and now Gamzee was starting to catch on fire.**

Gamzee: LoOk At ThAt, I'm On FiRe.

Emi: Feferi, if you don't mind, can you put out Gamzee? And Tavros too while you're at it.

Feferi: Of course! I needed to get this water out anyway.

**Feferi bent over Tavros's head and started wringing her hair. A bucket full of water poured out of the heiress's hair and extinguished all of the sick fires. Tavros was as mad as a wet cat. Mostly cause he looked like one.**

Tavros: UHHHH,,, SORRY VRISKA.

Vriska: I you ever do that again, I will set you on fire and push you off the Grand Canyon. Head first.

**Oh, look! Karkat got on the outfit!**

**Karkat begrudgingly walked into the room, sporting a poofy miniskirt and a tight leotard. He shone with gems.**

Emi: You look like a ballerina with food poisoning.

Karkat: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU LET JANE AND GAMZEE COOK.

Jane: Cheer up Karkat! I think you need a cake to complete the outfit. Would you like, pepto bismol pink or sopor slime puke green?

Karkat: HAHA REAL FUNNY CAKE GIRL.

Cronus: And a red frosting rose! The bows wvould clash wvith green!

**Cronus, can you not confuse the readers? You sound like Kanaya with a weird stuttering lisp.**

Jane: Pepto bismol pink with a red rose. Lalonde, want to come help?

Roxy: Ov curse. I wunna hulp with the Kanaya stutterin ruse guy.

Rose: By rose I hope you mean the flower. I am denying the fact you are thinking of putting my likeness on a cake.

Roxy: Grut idea!

**Roxy, Jane and Cronus run into the kitchen. Karkat tugs on his skirt.**

Karkat: CAN I CHANGE NOW?

Emi: But…but…

Emi: IT NEEDS MORE MARCH ERIDAN!

Eridan: I'm coming, I'm coming!

**While Cronus was teaching us about Fashion, it seems that Eridan had sneaked away and changed.**

Emi: Someone call a fire department, this troll is hot!

Eridan: Really?

Emi: No.

Eridan: I like my outfit.

Karkat: FISHFUCK, THEY STOPPED CARING ABOUT YOUR OPINION A LONG TIME AGO.

Kankri: I have t9 agree with y9u. My attempts at reas9ning with y9u all have 6een unfruitful as well.

**Now you are making me feel bad.**

Emi: Well, then blame the reveiwer. As for you Karkat, you have three chapters.

Karkat: ERIDAN….NEVERMIND…..

Eridan: Damn it.

Emi: It's okay Eridan. Right now, I have two quadrents filled for you.

Eridan: Twwo?

Sollux: ii don't like where this iis heading guy2.

Meulin: No, no. Please, keep going.

Emi: Let's focus on the last dare from Thebloodyartist. Vriska, pick someone to make pretty. I am excluding Karkat.

Karkat: I'D BE HAPPY IF I WASN'T TRAPPED IN THIS NOOKSUCKER-DESIGNED SHIT STAINED EXCUSE FOR ATHLETIC ATTIRE.

Emi: Oh karkat, if I don't recall, you had a dare including not insulting people.

Emi: Didn't Kanaya help design that?

Kanaya: You Don't Mean To Conclude That I Have To Kiss Karkat, Do You? We Are No More Than Friends.

Emi: You can thank Karkat.

Kanaya: Thank You Karkat. I Mean This Is The Most Humanly Sarcastic Way Possible.

**Karkat leans over and smooches Kanaya on the cheek. Kanaya blushes and looks towards Rose, mouthing the word sorry.**

Roxy: We're buuuuaaackkk!

Jane: I do hope you guys enjoy betty crocker!

**Jane sets the cake on the table and everyone gathers around. John and Emi stay in the Dining room.**

John: The batterwitch! She's in cahoots with the batterwitch.

Emi: Well, duh! She's the next heiress!

**Slowly, John leans back, and land with a thump on the floor. With a close inspection, you label him as k'o-ed. **

**He pretty much fainted.**

Emi: J-John? Are you alright?

Emi: I'm just going to set you on the couch. I'll be riiight backkkk…

Emi: ROSE! I BROKE JOHN!

**Rose runs into the room and stops straight at the couch. She opens her mouth to say something.**

Emi: He doesn't like cake.

Rose: it is entirely possible that he finds Betty Crocker somewhat offensive.

**John is placed upstairs and Emi watched over him. When everyone is done eating, Emi returns to the Living room.**

Rufioh: Where's that guy with the big glasses?

Emi: He's taking a short rest. We are going to continue the dares without him.

**Alright, I'm going to skip to another shipping dare. It's from TheNamelessOne.**

Emi: Who's it from?

**TheNamelessOne.**

Emi: So, anon?

**God, this joke is stupid. Here's the dare.**

**really enjoy reading this. It's really funny.**

**I have a dare. Please don't hate on my ship.**

**I dare Dave to kiss Vriska.**

Emi: I don't hate on ships!

Nepeta: but what about Karezi?

Emi: I guess it's time I tell you guys.

Emi: You know how I shipped Gamnep?

Emi: For that week, I also shipped Karezi.

Karkat: THERE IS A GOG!

Terezi: K4RKL3S? THAT SH1P 1S NUTS.

Terezi: TH4T OBV1OUSLY W1LL N3V3R WORK OUT.

Terezi: SORRY.

**Karkat follows Terezi's soft gaze to Dave's pool closet.**

Emi: That reminds me! Vriska, here's the key. I suspect to get it back.

Vriska: Not that I don't want the key, 8ut you do know I won't return it, right?

Emi: I have like 10 extra.

**Emi drops the key into Vriska's palm. A slightly confused Vriska opens the closet and shuts it behind her. **

**Alright, Aru, with my magic seer powers, I have seen your post to ignore those posts. Thus, I'm ignoring this next one. The JohnDave is tempting though.**

**I'll go to Silverw0lf-sama:**

**Why does everyone seem to give Vriska a hard time? Oh well.**

**Dave: (D) Caramelledansen with Jake and Karkat.**

**Jake: (D) you are now unable to die but will pass out when you reach a certain damage limit that is usually when humans die. I dare you to battle bec noir and see who wins (you lose if you pass out and if you do then the author must dismiss noir immediately)**

**All love stuck players: (D) Confess thy feelings towards your crush!**

**Vriska: (D) make out with whoever you want since everyone is treating you like crap right now. (*cough* im available *cough*)**

**Terezi: (D) Play phoenix wright and ace attourney investigations: miles edgeworth!**

**Aradia and Feferi: (D) show your feelings for Sollux in the nearby closet.**

**And finally, Jane: (T) is there an easy way to bake a pretty cake?**

Emi: I see a youtube reference!

Emi: However, Terezi, I have no idea what that is.

Emi: And we are already did the caramelldansen.

Dave: I heard closet!

**Vriska opened the door, then shut it behind her.**

Vriska: Jade, I think we should make an i-kissed-dave club.

Jade: A club? I love clubs!

Terezi: 1 L1K3 D4V3 CLUBS…

Gamzee: ClUbS?

**Gamzee, no.**

**Really, though. Jake, battle Bec Noir.**

**Bec noir flys out of the apperifier and pulls a sword out of his stomach. Jake whips out his guns.**

Jake: By golly, you sure are a weird dog.

Bec Noir: Grrrr

**Bec Noir thrusts his sword, nearly puncturing Jake's eye. Jake ducks and swipes his foot. Bec trips.**

Roxy: You go Jakey!

**Jake looks over to acknowledge Roxy. Bec finds his chance and flys above Jake's head.**

**Jake shoots at the stabby dog, only to miss several times. **

Jake: You mutt! Get over here!

**Bec smiles and almost pounces onto Jake. He stops short and looks into the boy's green eyes. Jake sinks to the floor.**

Jane: Jake!

**Jake is on his back, surrounded in blood. A long sword is puncturing his stomach.**

Dirk: Nobody stabs my boyfriend!

Jane: What?

**Dirk pulls his katana out of his belt and swings in at Bec noir. Bec, with no weapons left, absconds. Dirk slices the appearifier in two.**

Emi: Jake? Are-are you okay?

Aranea: I'll fix him!

Emi: Let's not do that.

**As Aranea and Emi bicker over whether or not to address the latest update, Jane appearifies a quest bed and lays Jake upon it.**

Emi: Aranea, I do—is Jake floating?

John: He's going God tier!

**Jake starts to glow and almost blinds everyone around him. Except for Terezi.**

Dirk: Holy shit…

**Jake is lifted to an upright position. With a small bang, Jake opens his eyes. He is now the Page of hope.**

Dirk: Wow Jake, I really like your outfit. **Dirk smirks. He is holding his mouth.**

Meulin: It's..unique. (-u-)

Jake: Thanks! Jane, my eyes are up here.

Jane: Hmm? Oh, yes, I was just admiring your outfit.

Horuss: I also think your outfit is very enticing.

Equius: I need a towel…

**Emi is silent laughing in the corner. She starts to hiccup.**

John: Did I mention, I got your package.

Jake: Oh good! I was wondering I you did. **((I had to I'm sorry))**

John: The package is very…revealing.

Jake: Oh?

Meenah: Just look in the anglin mirror already! My fins hurt from lookin at ya!

**Jake hovers to the nearest full mirror in the bathroom. He screams.**

Jake: My legs are as smooth as a baby's bottom!

**HAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAH!**

Karkat: PUT ON SOME PANTS!

Kanaya: I Have An Extra Skirt.

**Kanaya runs upstairs and returns with a long green skirt. She hands it to a blushing Jake.**

Jake: I'm sorry you had to see that.

Roxy: I dun't think janey is.

**Jane elbows Roxy in the stomach, making her spill her drink.**

**No one is. Now, we already had the beta trolls confess thy crushes. It's everybody else's turn.**

Emi: By lovestuck, you mean homestuck characters, right?

**You have been spared.**

Emi: Phew.

Emi: Let's start with alpha kids, then beta, than alpha trolls.

**Blood order or order of appearance. **

Kankri: D9 I have t9? I this might trigger s9me9ne.

Emi: I'm sure we can all deal.

Meenah: ***sarcastically* **oh no! My water-vascular system! It's flailing because I've been triggered by the fucker! Help help!

**Meenah grabbed onto her chest and started sinking onto the floor, smiling. Kankri looked unamused.**

Kankri: Meenah, I w9uld appreciate it if y9u didn't mock me so in fr9nt of every9ne. I find it very inappr9prite during this triggering human dare.

Emi: Yea, Meenah. Your act is..

Feferi: Fis)(y.

**Emi and Feferi high five. **

Meenah: that pun ain't punny, bitch.

Emi: :D

**2x facepalm!**

**I can't watch.**

**The puns.**

**My ears.**

**The only sensible thing I can do is—**

**PUN AWAY!**

Terezi: WH4T NOW?

Nepeta: What a purrfect pun, Author!

Horuss: I feel we must leave this topic and get back to the 'mane' idea of this game.

Sollux: ii can't bee-liieve thii2 ii2 happeniing.

**Can we pun-tend this never happened?**

**Huh, huh?**

Latula: no

**Pff, whatever.**

**Start the dare. **

**Meanies.**

John: I'll guess I'll start since the narrator is throwing a tantrum.

**A tantrum? You screamed into the sky to a nonexistent bird dude.**

**And then you fell asleep in a driveway.**

John: I'm going to ignore that.

John: That was a very tough time.

Rose: John, I believe you were going to tell us about your crush.

John: Vriska.

Dave: Jade's cool. Terezi's okay too. A cool guy can't pick one chick.

Emi: I guess I can allow this. Rose?

Rose: I do find Kanaya rather nice.

Jade: Hehe, Dave's the greatest guy I ever met!

Jane: I'm not sure I want to do this.

Jane: I guess Jake is somewhat… alright.

**t-that's cool. I'm okay with that.**

**I don't hate on ships.**

Emi: I think you should lie down.

**Nono, I'm good.**

Karkat: IS SHE GOING TO GO CRAZY?

**I'm fine.**

Jake: I guess Jane is okay. I'm kind of over Dirk.

**Ow!**

Emi: Are you bleeding?

Emi: Why do you have so many bruises?

**My feels get hit a lot.**

Emi: What's that on your back?

Jake: Does that say DirkJake?

**I'm fine!**

Emi: Kanaya, go treat the narrator. I'll take care of the rest of the dare.

Kanaya: Come With Me. I Have Ribbon Upstairs. It Will Match With Your Outfit Perfectly.

**This really hurts. Sorry Jane.**

Jane: It's alright. We are all entitled to our opinions.

Dirk: …

Dirk: Fuck.

Dirk: Is it my turn?

Emi: Yea.

Dirk: I, uh, might still have feelings for Jake.

Dirk: Ironic, right?

Emi: *Dirk smiles but only Emi looks sympathetic. Jake shakes his head.*

Dirk: Can you not?

**From upstairs the narrator weakly yells.**

**It's okay Dirk. Jake is still in a daze from becoming god tier.**

Kanaya: ***from upstairs as well* **Go To Sleep. Dirk is fine. You Need Rest.

Jake: It's a tad more than that! Everyone likes me!

Jake: Even Aranea tried to kiss me!

Aranea: I thought you would like it!

Meenah: You did what? Where was i?

Emi: EVERYBODY QUIET!

Emi: With the narrator upstairs, I am taking control. No side conversations until this dare is over!

Emi: *Vriska obviously mimics Emi talking behind her back.*

Vriska: How daaaaaaaare you think I would do that? ;;;;)

**Kankri…..**

Kanaya: Emily, I Would Advise You To Sleep. Now.

Kankri: I 6elieve that the Narrat9r was summ9ning me to c9ntinue.

Kankri: With9ut triggering any9ne, I will reveal that I d9 indeed have a flushed flush f9r Latula.

Emi: Whoa, I did NOT see that coming.

Damara: I like Rufioh.

Emi: you speak English?

Damara: Bad English. Not good at it.

Emi: I'm learning so many things…

Rufioh: I kinda like Horuss.

Mituna: 1 LOV3 7UL1P! F0R3VG3R!

Meulin: Though we have split, I still like Kurloz. He's really nice!

Emi:*Meulin does not use her translator* You can talk too?

Emi: Kurloz, if you speak a word, I am stopping this truth or dare.

Kurloz: :)

Emi: Good. Proceed.

Porrim: Kankri

Latula: m1tun4! My b4by 1s th3 b3st th1ng th4t 3v3r h4pp3nd3d to m3!

Emi: *Kankri looks down. Many hearts are being broken.*

Latula: k4nkr1…

Kankri: Can y9u c9ntinue? I d9 n9t wish t9 discuss this.

Aranea: Porrim.

**OWOWOWOW! It hurts!**

Emi: Should we stop? A lot of ships are sinking.

**Continue….**

Horuss: Ruf*oh.

Kurloz: *points to Meulin*

Cronus: I don't knowv, Meenah is lookin amazin today. So is Latula.

Latula: 1 d1dn't know 1 w4s so f4mous!

Emi: Me neither. Hmmm.

Meenah: Karkat…

**OOWWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWWOWOWOWOOWWWOWOOWOWOWWOWOWOWO OWWOWOWOOWWOOWOWWOWOOWWOWOWOWOWOOWWOWOWOOWOWOWOWOW OWOWOOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOOWWOOWOWWO OWOWOWOOWOW!**

Emi: *The narrator screamed. In one move she threw herself down the stairs. She landed at the bottom, bleeding from a cut beneath Dirkjake.*

Emi: It's Karnep!

Nepeta: Narrator! :((

**It hurts. K-kill me.**

Emi: What?

**I'll ascend. Appearify…..quest bed….**

Emi: Me!

**The quest bed is spit out of-f the apppp….. apperifier. **

**The narrator starts to fizz.**

Emi: What's happening?

**I'm turning into a character. Only then can you move me to the bed.**

Feferi: Oh my glub! You're bleeding everywhere!

Karkat: HURRY UP AND PUT HER ON THE BED!

Emi: Hold on! She's changing!

**Th-the narrato-or is slowly getting heavier as beg-ins to turn into a-**

Narrator: Solid object…

Aranea: The 8ed!

Emi: *Emi quickly carries the now heavy Narrator onto the bed.*

Aradia: Is she g0ing t0 be 0kay?

Rose: Only if someone kills her. She can't bleed out like this.

Rose: She must be in so much pain.

Vriska: I got this.

Emi: *Vriska takes Dirk's katana and steps on Narrator's bed.*

Narrator: Kill me…..

Emi: *Vriska stops for a moment, then brings the katana down into the narrator's chest.*

Emi: NARRATOR!

**DEAD.**

Emi: NOONONONONONO.

Emi: This is not happening.

Nepeta: It's okay.

Aradia: D0es she have a dream self?

Emi: She should.

Aradia: Just making sure. She needs 0ne to bec0me g0d tier.

Emi: I think I asked her a one night. She said she does.

Emi: She survived Bec while on Derse.

Jake: Am I the only one killed by him?

Nepeta and Karkat: No.

Feferi: Not at all.

Emi: *Emi nods. As she turns, a large amount of butterflies flutter into the room.*

Meenah: Arrgghh! What are these things?

Aranea: I 8elieve they are called, 8utterflies. They are native to Earth.

Terezi: TH3Y SM3LL L1K3 N3CT4R 4ND WOOD.

Latula: n3ct4r? wh4t do3s th4t sm3ll l1k3?

Terezi: 1T'S V3RY SW33T.

Emi: They are doing something to Narrator!

Emi: *The butterflies start to clutter around Narrator. She is lifted up.*

Jade: It's working!

Dirk: What is?

Jade: Ascention.

Emi: *As Emi rises, she once more turns light. She is no longer a character.*

_**I am…**_

_**ALIVE!**_

**BOOOOOOOMMMM!**

Emi: *A large beam of light shines from the middle of the room. A bright white figure spins.*

Emi: *The white starts to fade. The narrator splits the fog*

Aranea: Look at her.

Sollux: What ii2 2he?

Aranea: The Witch of Heart.

**Sorry that I did so little dares! I tried to include everyone. **

**Yea, I made myself God Tier.**

**I can do that.**

**Anyway, expect these chapters to be more spaced out. School just started and my writing time has been cut in half.**

**I also would like to let you know I will be releasing a completed Gristmas story a little later in the year.**

**PS, I am really sorry if I skipped your dare! I have trying to catch up and have been skipping over long ones or ones from people who have already commented. I'm still on page 3. Three. That's how far behind I am.**

**-Emistuck! :D**


	14. Intermission

**Hey, it's me, the narrator…**

**With my awesome new powers, I can see into the future.**

**Thus, I have found out something that annoys me.**

**As you know, 8****th**** dimension comments regularly. A few days ago she told me someone pretended to be her and wrote a comment.**

**C'mon, really?**

**If you want a dare and want to be recognized, write a name at the end.**

**Don't steal other people's names. That shows a fake representation of them as reviewers and, if the comment was longer or more detailed, as writers themselves.**

**They even got her patron-troll wrong.**

**:(**

**-xEmistuckx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Next morning:**

**Aaaaaaaaaaand….. GO!**

**The trolls burst into a sprint. The kids wait at the finish line, Jade holding a stopwatch.**

**At the starting line, Eridan is tying his shoe.**

Emi: Eridan! You're losing!

Eridan: Wwhat if I trip?

Emi: Then don't! Now hurry up, Kurloz is going faster than you, and he's walking with Mituna.

**Eridan sneers and starts to stretch.**

Rose: Eridan! Are you coming? Equius is almost here!

**Rose yells from the end of the block. She has a large microphone that she 'borrowed' from the narrator's room.**

Eridan: You know wwhat? Fuck this.

Eridan: I'm disqualifying myself.

Emi: Cool, who cares. Go stare at Karkat's skirt somewhere else.

Eridan: Gladly.

**Eridan marches over to the kids, who are now awarding Equius with what seems to be a certificate that Nepeta drew and signed.**

**After Mituna gets 23****rd**** place, everyone gathers on the front lawn. Damara is talking to Horuss and Rufioh. Emi overhears.**

Rufioh: I don't get it.

Horuss: What don't you understand?

Rufioh: I've been here for a week now and nobody's been hitting on me.

Rufioh: I mean, yea, it's awesome that I don't have a bunch of trolls swooning over me.

Rufioh: But now I just feel lonely.

Horuss: Maybe the mane problem *s that you aren't get*ng any dares.

Rufioh: True.

Rufioh: Is there anything else? I really don't want any dares.

Damara: giytew8idtrfb5w8343434343434r

Damara: buftweoinedwhgogt7vp898eytpfue

Horuss: ***sweating* **Damara, I don't think that's a good idea.

Rufioh: You're not helping Damara.

Damara: ;)

Horuss: Can we d*scuss something else?

Rufioh: You guys still like me right?

Emi: ***Whispers to herself* **Now that's just desperate.

Damara: :(

Damara: No.

Rufioh: Horuss?

Horuss: I'd rather not d*sclop that information.

**Rufioh looks slightly annoyed but he shakes it off and goes to sit by Tavros to play fiduspawn.**

Emi: Hey, Horuss?

Horuss: Yes?

Emi: By any chance, have you ever hit on Rufioh?

Damara: He has.

Horuss: Neigh!

Emi: Thank you for the information Damara. I'll get back to you later.

**Emi walks away from the two trolls and into a large shrub. Inside, Nepeta is waiting with a whiteboard.**

Emi: Rufioh and Horuss, red.

Nepeta: Did he really say that?

Emi: No.

Emi: I am somewhat relying on Damara's knowledge.

Nepeta: If you say so!

**Nepeta pulls a red expo marker out of her pocket and draws the two alphas. **

**I declare the trolls….Shipped!**

Emi: Yay!

Emi: At least I have one ship I'm certain about.

Nepeta: What about your OTP?

Nepeta: We have b33n working on it fur a while.

Emi: I've been looking over Johnkat and it seems pretty cool.

Emi: I also am partial to Erikar.

Nepeta: What?

Nepeta: That's not canon!

Emi: I don't know.

Emi: Eridan has been on my mind a lot lately.

Eridan: Oh?

**Eridan pokes his head through the shrub. He is smirking.**

Emi: Eridan, fuck off.

Eridan: Tell me more about this, Erikar, wwill you?

Emi: That's it, I'm going to start the dares.

Eridan: Wwhat about you Nep?

Nepeta: Ampurra, if you dare say anofur word to me about that ship, I will claw your face off.

Emi: Who said he has to talk?

Emi: He's said enough with that outfit.

Kanaya: I Agree.

Emi: WHY IS EVERYONE IN OUR SHRUB?

**Technically it's my shrub.**

Emi: I call dibs.

**You can't call dibs on my shrub!**

Emi: Too late!

**You fuckass. Why did I make you so devious.**

Emi: It comes naturally.

**You wanna see nature? My fists are pretty natural..**

Emi: Be careful, you might hurt yourself.

**Punching the fourth wall?**

**It would be worth it.**

Nepeta: Alright, guys, calm down.

Aranea: What's going on here? A fight?

Vriska: Ooooooooh, my bet's on god tier girl.

**We're not going to fight.**

Vriska: Awwwwwwww.

**I think it's a good time to start the dares.**

Emi: Just get me out of this bush.

Emi: Everyone's breathing on me.

John: Sorry.

**First, we have to finish Silverw0lf-sama:**

**(continued)**

**Vriska: (D) make out with whoever you want since everyone is treating you like crap right now. (*cough* im available *cough*)**

**Terezi: (D) Play phoenix wright and ace attourney investigations: miles edgeworth!**

**Aradia and Feferi: (D) show your feelings for Sollux in the nearby closet.**

**And finally, Jane: (T) is there an easy way to bake a pretty cake?**

Vriska: Who do I h8…

Vriska: Wow, this is pretty tough.

Emi: You have ten seconds.

Vriska: WH8T?

Vriska: I guess I'll say Tavros.

Vriska: He slapped me in the face yesterday.

Emi: You can go to the pool closet. I'm pretty sure Dave is still up there.

**No, he was at the race.**

Emi: Vriska…

Vriska: I warned you.

Karkat: LET ME GUESS, YOU GAVE THE SPIDERTROLL WITH ALL THE LUCK, THE KEYS?

Emi: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

**The amount of brain cells you have to lose to think that that was a good idea is incredible.**

**Now, Vriska and Tav, go in the usual closet. I'm sure Dave went through enough trauma trying to walk past lil cal to get down here.**

Emi: Didn't we put lil cal with him?

**Yes, until I used my powers to move it to the stairs.**

John: Oh my god, that must have been hilarious.

**It was.**

**And I got in on tape.**

Jane: I have to see this.

John: Blackmail ftw!

Jane: April fools day cannot come fast enough.

**Okay guys, back to the dares. **

**Um, Aradia, Sollux and Feferi, I need you to follow Tav and Vriska.**

Aradia: what?

Tavros: I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA,

Emi: The closets a walk in.

Emi: You'll be fine.

Eridan: ***Mumbling* **Lucky…

**Eridan, I think we have enough in the closet.**

Emi: Damn it, I have a really good joke for John and Karkat makeouts.

**HEHEHE. **

Nepeta: Emi! Think Karnep thoughts.

Karkat: OH GREAT, ANOTHER SHIPPING CHAPTER.

**Can you not break the wall. I just had Nepeta fix that thing.**

**Aradia, Sollux, Feferi, Vriska and Tavros go into the closet.**

**Tavros looks scared.**

Emi: Well of course he is.

Emi: I would be.

**Does Sollux realize that he has to makeout with two trolls at one time.**

Terezi: BY TH3 SM3LL OF 1T, Y3S.

Latula: you c4n sm3ll m4k3outs?

Karkat: THAT'S NOT THE ONLY THING SHE CAN SMELL.

Terezi: NOTH1NG L1K3 W4K1NG UP TO TH3 SM3LL OF C4NDY R3D BLOOD 1N TH3 MORN1NG.

Emi: Really?

Emi: Whever I wake up, I smell the narrator's morning breath.

**Can't lay off, can you?**

**Always trying to one up me.**

Emi: I'll get back to you on that one.

Jane: Can I tell the reviewer my dare now?

Emi: Answer the reviewer Jane.

**Stop breaking the wall!**

**Please, Jane. We have dares to get to.**

Jane: well, the easiest way to make a pretty cake is to cook by the book, not get lazy, and to never use a messy recipe.

Emi: How interesting. Jake, do you have any thoughts?

Jake: Errrr…

**Emi smiles and shakes her head. After a few seconds, however, she has to walk over to Jake and lift his chin to look upwards at Jane's face.**

Jake: Yes, yes, sorry.

Jake: I got a bit distracted.

**Don't get your hopefully not there hopes up Jake.**

**The next dare is from Aru lawleith:**

**() .**

**squidbiscuit()deviantart()com**

**/art/HS-Sketch-Dump-44-288366216**

**I want Dirk using the princess dress... And Dave and Eridan those outfits... Im sorry.. Im asking too many things :S**

Emi: Oh my gosh! That dress is adorable!

Dirk: You aren't serious.

Emi: Kanaya?

Kanaya: I Have The Dress Upstairs. Porrim, Could You Retrieve It?

Porrim: Sure. I left Dave's o+utfit up there to+o+

Dave: Dirk, I wish you the best of ironic luck. That outfit is so gay.

Dirk: You're going to wear a one piece women's bathing suit and a hair clip.

Dirk: That seems pretty gay to me.

Kankri: Excuse me but s9me w9rds that y9u are thr9wing ar9und might 6e triggering f9r s9me pe9ple.

John: I don't really mind.

John: Because I'm not gay.

Jade: John…

Emi: ***sigh* **Put on the outfits. I'm sure eeeeeveryone is waiting.

Roxy: yur goingta look great Dirky.

John:…

John: I guess you'll look cool, Dave.

John: Ironically.

**Dave and Dirk go change. Eridan is already in his march outfit.**

**When they return, they look pretty fucking hilarious.**

Dirk: Shut up.

Jake: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH HAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH!

Jake: you look so dumb!

Horuss: I th*nk you look f*ne, human.

Dirk: Thanks…

Dave: Okay, who the fuck decided to make me wear a bathing suit?

Dirk: What did I tell you. The outfits suck.

Kanaya: Thank You, In The Most Humanly Sarcastically Way Possible.

Dirk: Oh oops. I forgot you made these.

Dave: Thanks, I guess.

Kanaya: I Made Lil Cal A Matching Dress, If You Don't Mind.

Dirk: No way. That's so sugoi!

**Dirk takes the demon puppet from Kanaya. It looks like Dirk, except that it's a puppet. And it's Lil Cal.**

Dave: That's disgusting.

Meulin: I think that's the cutest doll I've ever seen! Can I hold him? (=0u0=)

Dirk: He's not cute, he's got swag.

Dirk: And don't touch him. I don't know where your paws have been.

Kurloz: :0(

Dirk: Dave can hold him, though.

Dave: god, you're so revolting. That thing is creepy.

Dirk: I think it looks like me.

Roxy: I thunk it luuks lake calliope.

**Roxy takes the puppet from Dirk and starts to give it a drink. Alcohol starts to dip onto Lil Cal's dress.**

Kanaya: My Dress!

**Kanaya sobs. Dirk facepalms a 2x combo with Dave. **

Dave: Can I take this off now. I have the worst wedgie.

Emi: Dosen't say. I guess you can.

**Dirk and Dave change back into their original clothes. Eridan is contempt in his skirt. **

Karkat: OH, SO THEY CAN CHANGE AND I CAN'T?

Emi: Next chapter.

**The narrator ignores Emi. The fourth wall is cracking dangerously.**

**The next dare is from Moon-chan:**

**"Safe! And…**

**Emi: Sound!"**

**I LOVE IT... It makes me sad everytime I hear it though... :(**

***you say Karkat is ADORIBLE***

**Me: OF COURSE HE IS. HE'S KARKALICIOUS.**

**OMG! I DARE KARKAT TO WATCH TROLL SPICE. Wwhatevver it's called. It's a Homestuck old spice parody. Also, HE MUST WATCH KARKALICIOUS BECAUSE I THINK IT WILL BE HILROUS.**

**Uhm... Other than me practically begging Nepeta to show off LE SHIPPING WALL, idk what else I think they should do...**

**Awesome story, by the way!**

Nepeta: But, I already did!

Emi: This is an old one. I'm a bit behind.

**A bit?**

**I wish.**

Karkat: I AM CERTAINLY NOT ADORABLE.

Karkat: WHAT NOOKSUCKER WOULD THINK A GRAY ALIEN WITH BLOOD-DRAWING TEETH WHO YELLS AT THE TOP OF HIS AIR-DRAWING SACS IS ADORABLE.

Emi: You're the leader of a team called Team Adorabloodthirsty.

Emi: Pretty sure the word adorable is in there.

Karkat: SO ARE THE WORDS BLOOD THIRSTY.

**And your point is?**

Karkat: WHAT'S MY FUCKING DARE?

**Watch this.**

**Emi turns on the computer and pulls up a troll spice video.**

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

Gamzee: SsSsSsShHhHhH, mY bRoThEr. ThE vIdEo Is StArTiNg.

**The troll spice plays for the next minute, then ends with a surprise ending, Karkat in a bucket.**

Karkat: WAS I…WAS I…

Emi: Yes.

Emi: It was wonderful.

Karkat: I….

John: Damn it, you broke Karkat.

**After a couple shoosh paps from Gamzee and a worried glance from Meenah, Karkat is now ready to watch the next video.**

Karkat: BEFORE WE WATCH THIS, IS THERE ANYTHING, AS KANKRI WOULD BLAB, TRIGGERING?

Emi: Not really.

**What are y-**

Emi: Quiet!

Karkat: ***sighs* **HOW MANY PAILS ARE MENTIONED.

Emi: A few.

Kankri: Did I hear pails?

Porrim: No+.

Kankri: P9rrim, are y9u sure?

Porrim: Kankri, wo+uld I ever lie to+ yo+u?

Kankri: Yes.

**Ooooooooo**

Karkat: WOW, PORRIM, REALLY?

Karkat: TOO FUCKING PREDICTABLE IF YOU ASK ME.

**Alright, guys.**

**Porrim wasn't served that much.**

**However, she did deserve it.**

Porrim: I do+n't care anymo+re.

**Yea, go sew with Kanaya or whatever you…like to..do…**

**What do you like to do?**

**Porrim is ignoring the narrator.**

Karkat: CAN I WATCH THE STUPID VIDEO NOW?

Emi: Play it!

**The second video, karkalicious, is played. Emi starts to laugh.**

Karkat: WHAT?

Emi: hehehehehehe

**At the end of the song, Karkat is smiling.**

Karkat: FINALLY, SOMEONE KNOWS MY TRUE TALENTS.

Karkat: I THINK I LIKE THIS BROADWAY KARKAT GUY.

Emi: hehehehe

Karkat: WHAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY?

Emi; heheheheh

Emi: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAH HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAH!

**Pffff.**

Karkat: WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS SO FUCKING FUNNY, YOU ASSHOLES!

Emi: ***in between laughing and gulps of air* **The amount…of lies in….this video…

Emi: HAHAHAHHA

Karkat: OH MY GOD. YOU FUCKASSES.

Kankri: See, I t9ld y9u that vide9 w9uld be triggering d9 y9u kn9w h9w many times I have warned you somethingw9uld be triggering and it 6ecame s9? I think my influence has been ineffective 9n y9ur part thus I am pr9claiming that we start a small class then I can teach y9u the ways 9f h9w t9 av9id triggers which include pail filing 9r 9ther sexual influences 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah… #triggers #ignores advice

**Porrim returns from hanging out with Kanaya to slam a bucket onto Kankri's head. Kankri slumps.**

Kankri: I am s9rry if I triggered y9u.

Karkat: GOG, YOU ARE SO PATHETIC.

**Tsk tsk.**

**Next dare is from cf:**

**cf tacklepounces Emi***

**gosh this truth or dare fic is purrfect and plain pawsome**

**I gve you thumbs up ! **

**Now**

**DARES **

**Karkitty must use that adorable outfit fur 4 chapters**

**Beclaws cats are pawsome ! * high fives nepeta * In fact efurryone wear cat costumes ! Fur the next 2 chapters or so .**

**Also efurrybody must tell me their flush crush ! Each one of you *glares at efurryone***

**RinNeko636 : catastrophicFeline**

Emi: Hehe, alright alright you're pawsome too.

**Cf smiles and loosens her grip on Emi. A cat costume appears on everyone.**

**Cf leaves.**

Emi: I look so cute!

Dirk: Oh COME ON!

Dirk: Why am I always stuck in the girly outfits!

Karkat: AT LEAST YOUR NOT A MARCH CAT.

Eridan: Wwe can be march cats together, Kar.

Feferi: Eridan! Take off that ridiculous outfit!

Eridan: Fin…

**Eridan goes inside and changes into his normal clothes. He leaves on the cat tail and ears.**

Karkat: DAMN IT.

Emi: It's okay Karkat! At least you have an excuse. Eridan wears that for fun.

Eridan: wweh.

Nepeta: SQQQUUEE!

**Nepeta runs over to Emi, sporting a footie pajama-like green cat outfit.**

Nepeta: This is the best dare efur!

Karkat: I BEG TO DIFFER.

Nepeta: cheer up Karkitty! You look pawsitivly adorable!

Emi: Oh cool, we all have cat costumes that are our colors.

**But…my favorite color is blue. Why am I a white cat?**

Emi: And I'm a black cat…

Feferi: Maybe it's ying and yang.

Meenah: good and evil.

Meenah: I think ya guys r opposites.

Emi: Oh. Guess I'm evil then.

**And I'm good.**

…

**Oh.**

**Well doesn't THAT make sense. :)**

Emi: I am not evil!

Emi: I'll have you know I cleaned up our temporary room yesterday.

**And put all our clothes in my drawers so I had to clean it. That's not exactly helpful.**

Emi: Well, I also everyone clean up after john did the windy thing.

**No you didn't. You sat on the porch and drank the last of the pink lemonade.**

Emi: That's not evil, that's lazy.

**And then you tried to set Kurloz's hair on fire.**

Emi: His hair was so fluffy!

Emi: Meenah helped.

Meenah: I did not!

Vriska: Yea! That was me.

**That does it. You're the evil one.**

**Go stand with Vriska, Meenah and sober Gamzee.**

Emi: Gamzee isn't sober.

Gamzee: NaH mAn. I'm CoOl.

**EEEVVVIIILLL.**

Emi: I am not!

**You are and the next part of the dare says you have to admit your crush.**

Emi: what does that have to do with anything?

Emi: You have to admit it too!

**But I don't have a crush!**

Emi: Me neither!

**The narrator and Emi look over at Eridan. He smiles and waves back, arching one eyebrow.**

Emi: Okay, how about we say who we would date if we were forced.

**Or death.**

Emi: Yea.

**Alright, I'm good with that.**

Emi: I guess I 'like' john.

John: Oh you fucking liar!

John: You said you didn't like me!

Emi: I don't!

**John gets up in Emi's face yelling as loud as Karkat talks.**

Emi: I don't like you! I have enough ships for you alr-

**Emi is interrupted when John gives Emi a large kiss.**

**Emi's eyes widen and John falls back, smiling. He walks off, feeling accomplished.**

**Emi blushes.**

Emi: uuhhhh….

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

Emi: I..i don't know.

**Whoa.**

**That just happened.**

**I am speechless.**

**Utterly speechless.**

**I think we'll continue tomorrow.**

Emi: …

**Oh yea,**

**Karkat.**


	16. Chapter 16: Ships and tricksters galore!

**The next next morning:**

**Emi is sitting in her bedroom, talking to the narrator. She is holding her shipping wall.**

Emi: Why did John do that?

Emi: I don' t _like _him. I just like him.

**That made about zero sense.**

Emi: There is nothing between us.

Emi: I'm sure of it.

**Aww, but I like it when I can ship my characters.**

Emi: I've enough problems with that.

Emi: I've decided to start shipping Gamnep again, along with Johnkat, Tezdave, Erisol and Eqradia.

**Not bad. I'm still a bit unsure about the whole 'ditching nepkat' thing.**

Emi: Face it, it's not canon.

Nepeta: What?

**Nepeta fell out of the air shaft above, landing on the floor. **

Nepeta: You don't ship Nepkat anymore?

**As Emi opens her mouth to answer, Karkat bursts through the door.**

Karkat: DO MY HEARING GAPS DECIEVE ME?

Karkat: HAS THE FAMED NEPKAT SHIPPER CHANGED HER ONE TRUE PAIRING?

Emi: Yup.

Emi: Crazy, right?

Karkat: IT'S A MIRACLE. CALL GAMZEE, I THINK I'VE FOUND THE END OF THE RAINBOW.

Emi: Alright, that's enough.

Nepeta: Furget it. You can ship johnkat if mew like.

Karkat: NO MORE NEPKAT, NO MO—WHAT.

Karkat: DID YOU JUST SAY JOHNKAT?

Emi: Hehe, I wuv that ship!

**As Emi and Karkat start to fight over Emi's new OTP, John enters the room.**

John: Hey guys, can we start the dares?

**Everyone stops talking and looks over at John.**

Nepeta: Run fur your life! Emi is shipping you with Karkitty!

John: What?

John: Emi, I am NOT a…

**Emi jumps off her bed and places her hand over his mouth.**

Emi: Yes you are.

**John mutters something, but his words can't be determined. After a few seconds, john squints and looks at Emi, who isn't paying much attention anymore.**

Emi: EEEKKKKKKK!

Emi: DID YOU JUST LICK ME?!

John: It had to be done.

**Emi, wash your hands! He might have…**

**Germs..**

Emi: Uggh! I'm going to go wash my hand.

**Emi leaves the room. John is now standing right next to Karkat and a disappointed Nepeta.**

John: Heyyyy, Karkat.

Karkat: SUP NOOKWHIFF.

John: How have yoooooooou been lately?

Karkat: FUCKING FAN-TAS-TIC.

John: That's nice.

Karkat: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE NEW SHIP?

**John frowns.**

John: Hell no. I've told her multiple times, I'm not a homosexual. It's just how is.

Karkat: WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH LIKING DUDES?

John: Well…

John: Hmmm

John: I never really thought of it like that.

John: It's not exactly too acceptable in society.

Karkat: DON'T CORRECT ME IF I'M RIGHT, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE YOUR SOCIETY DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE.

Karkat: YOU HAVE NO EXCUSES.

John: You know, sometimes you can just NOT like guys.

Karkat: GATHER YOUR NOOKWHIFF WISPS FOR A SECOND. LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THAT YOU REALLY LIKE GIRLS.

John: I really like girls.

Karkat: WOW, JOHN, WAY TO BE OPEN. I'M SURE DAVE LOVES THAT.

John: Dave and I are just friends. Bros, if you will.

John: What does he have to do with this?

Karkat: HAVE YOU REALIZED HOW MANY PEOPLE SHIP JOHNDAVE?

Karkat: WAIT, I TAKE THAT BACK. OF COURSE YOU HAVEN'T, BECAUSE YOUR THINKPAN HASN'T WORKED IN YEARS.

Karkat: SO MANY YEARS, THAT YOUR HEAD IS JUST A BIG BALL OF COBWEBS AND RUST, WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN.

Karkat: AND UNTIL YOU GET OVER THIS SEXUALITY KICK, NOTHING EVER FUCKING WILL.

John: And this why a relationship between us would never work. You never agree with me.

Karkat: WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP?

Emi: I'm back! What did I miss?

Nepeta: I think John is considering a matespurritship.

John: I am not!

Emi: That's exactly what someone who considers matespritships would say.

John: That's it, you guys obviously don't know when to stop. I'm going downstairs.

John: Start the dares when you come down.

**John storms downstairs, his face red.**

Karkat: I CAN'T BELIEVE HE STILL DENIES IT.

Emi: It's so obvious.

**Emi shakes her head and bring the two trolls downstairs. John is sitting alone on the couch, in a huff.**

Rose: Emily, do you know why John isn't speaking?

Emi: He's mad because he thinks he's a heterosexual.

John: I am!

Vriska: John, I dated you in another timeline, you were still gay.

Karkat: GET OVER IT.

**Karkat folds his arms over his cat shirt. He had changed only hours before.**

John: I am not gay!

Emi: Okay guys, maybe he's not gay.

John: Thank you.

Emi: He's at least bisexual.

John: I am so fucking done.

**John sinks back into the couch. The narrator sighs and continues.**

**The first dare is from GypsytheGryphon**

**HMMM. Hmm. What to do... OKAY. I DARE Karkat to talk QUIETLY for the next THREE chapters, and every time he shouts, he gets a Nepeta-Tackle, because adorableness and it being my OTP, especially since Nepeta is mah patron TROLL. Eh.. EQUIUS. NO ORDER FOLLOWING. EXCEPT FROM THE NARRATOR. both of her. Also, has either of the Zahaks ever heard of Torch Hounds? They are a MLP/MLH fan species.I VOTE FOURTH WALL BREAKING. Tis fun. BYE. *flies away on a Dragon, cackling maniacally* egh, it's late, I'm tired, and feeling kinda loopy.**

Emi: Let's change that first one to the rest of the chapter.

Karkat: HOW THE FUCK WOULD I BE ABLE TO—

Nepeta: Rawr!

**Nepeta tackle pounces Karkat, leaving him on the ground. John giggles a bit.**

Karkat: FUCK YOU EGBERT.

Nepeta: I have caught my prey!

Karkat: Nepeta, get off me.

Nepeta: Nah. This is fun.

Karkat: Nepeta…

Emi: Nepeta you evil kitty.

Terezi: :?

Emi: She's trying to make him yell again.

Terezi: 1 F1GUR4T1VLY S33.

Karkat: Well, it's not going to work.

**Nepeta smiles. She takes a big breath of air and give Karkat a big kiss. She literally smacks into him.**

**Karkat starts to flail.**

Karkat: WHY ON ALL OF OUR SHITTY PLANET WOULD YOU FUCKING DO THIS..

**Once more, Karkat is interrupted as Nepeta jumps onto him. Karkat yelps.**

Nepeta: This is fun!

Emi: …

Emi: *no, emi, no. You have a new otp now.*

**You're going to go crazy by the end of the chapter.**

Emi: At least I'll do it in a cat suit.

Meenah: at least you're a cat. Im some kinda catfish.

Emi: I don't I would do well going crazy as a catfish.

**Because there is so much difference.**

***sigh***

**Can we get back on track? We went from Nepeta, to ships to cat outfits.**

Emi: Equius, you can't follow orders, except from me.

**Or me.**

Equius: Alright.

Equius: As for torch hounds, I have not.

**Horuss starts to lift his hand.**

Emi: Horuss, no.

Horuss: *'m always the odd man out…

**Rufioh pats Horuss on the back. Emi smiles in a ship well done.**

…

**OH HELL NO.**

**DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY FOURTH WALL.**

Emi: Touch it.

Emi: Touch it, outsider.

**As Emi continues to talk to the reviewer, the fourth wall continues to crack.**

**Stop it!**

Emi: You _know _you want to see what happens if it breaks.

**Completely done with Emi, the narrator uses her powers to zip Emi's mouth shut.**

Emi: mmmmm! Mmmmmm! Mm! Mmmm mmm mmmm!

**No more talking.**

Jane: I think you went a bit far.

**Oh no. I think she got what she deserves. **

Jane: She does look a bit silly.

**The narrator looks over to Emi, who is running around, trying to rip her mouth open. She is crying.**

Karkat: Emi, what the fuck are you doing?

Karkat: Is that a zipper? What an improvement.

Nepeta: Emi!

**Nepeta gets off of Karkat and runs over to Emi. They both to try and tug off the zipper pull.**

**Try as you might, but I used magic to seal it.**

Cronus: You havwe magic?

Eridan: Of course not. Magic doesn't exist.

Cronus: Wvanna bet?

**Oh stop it you two. You're making a scene. **

Cronus: The little squirt thinks he can fight me ovwer magic!

Feferi: Eridan! W)(at are you doing!

Eridan: Cronus, get your big meaty fins outta my face.

Cronus: Wvat did ya say, punk?

Eridan: BIG. MEATY. FINS!

**Guys. GUYS.**

Feferi: -Eridan!

Eridan: Fef, not noww. I got somefin I need to settle.

Cronus: Oh yea?

Eridan: Bring it on old man, bring it on!

Mituna: N0 P30PL3, L3T'5 83 SM4R7 4ND 8R1NG 17 0FF.

Cronus: Oh, nowv the talking bee-head's gonna preach to us!

**Cronus, Mituna and Eridan yell spongebob quotes at each other for the next few minutes. Mituna's 'enigma' mind is mentioned.**

Emi: mmmmm….

Latula: tun4, com3 ov3r h3r3. 1 don't w4nt you g3tt1ng hurt.

Mituna: N0T Y37!

**Mituna turns back to Eridan and clocks him upside the gills.**

Mituna: N0B0DY M3557H5 W17H CR0NGUS 4ND 7UN4!

**Eridan stares at the mustard-blooded troll, then shakes his head and walks back to Feferi. The narrator is amazed.**

Emi: Mmmmhmmm.

**You got that right.**

**The next dare is from GakuenAl:**

**Hehe... I love Truth and Dares You don't have to do these immediately, take your time And I'm sorry, I haven't gone through my Yaoi stage YET. Lot's of my ships are straight.**

**Aradia: Y0u are aws0me as my patr0n tr0ll But sh0uldn't y0u and Rufi0h keep an eye 0n Demara?**

**Tavros: You are now Pupa Pan.**

**Sollux: Take an Aradiabot, reprogram it to whatever you like and let's see how others will react to it**

**Karkat: Karezi fluff? I have nothing else...**

**Nepeta: Act like your lusus**

**Kanaya: What color blood do you think tastes best?**

**Eridan: You're not completely hated. I know someone and you're her favorite troll**

**Alpha Humans: Have a magic juju lollipop **

**Trickster!Jane: Sing 'Sweet' Maybe some JakeXJane while you're at it**

**Dave: Didn't you miss your Bro while he was 'gone'?**

**Sorry for so many. You don't have to do them all at once**

John: Ha! I'm not the only one!

Emi: Mmmmmm!

Emi: ***turns to fourth wall* **Mmm mmmm mmmm!

**Fine.**

**The narrator snaps and Emi can talk again.**

Emi: You motherfucker!

**:)**

Emi: And you said I was evil!

Emi: Whatever.

Aradia: 0h d0n't w0rry, I watch Damara m0st 0f the time.

Damara: ytiogfo78tbgjfpjcmhg

Dave: NO, she does not watch you while you change.

Damara: yiocbsmhpgt

Dave: Yes, I'm sure.

Aradia: is that what she said?

Aradia: Even when I watch her, I still have n0 idea what she's saying.

Damara: Exactly.

Rufioh: As for me, I look over her once or twice. She doesn't like me much.

Damara: Backstabber.

Rufioh: Not this again….

Damara: You left me.

Rufioh: I'm sorry alright! There just nothing between us!

Emi: …

John: …

**Emi and John look at each other. John blushes and looks away. Emi seems sad.**

Emi: Well, no duh! I hate being mean to my characters.

**Is this some kind of epiphany?**

Emi: No, I mean when it comes to love. My zodiac is heart, after all.

Nepeta: It's something we have in commeown.

**Okay, this is getting sad. John, your love is so pathetic. In a pitiful kinda way.**

John: God, I'm such an idiot!

John: Why would I do that!

John: Idiot!

**John puts his head in his hands and excuses himself. **

Emi: This is all my fault.

Emi: I'm going to go talk to him.

**Emi leaves. Since she still has time, the narrator continues the dares.**

**Tav, you are now pupa pan.**

Tavros: OH COOL!

**Tavros is now in his peter, sorry, pupa pan outfit. He looks adorable.**

Vriska: Ooooooooh, nice outfit Tav.

Tavros: UHHHH,,, THANKS,

Roxy: Yu look just likue petar pan.

Tavros: IS THAT GOOD?

Rose: To be simple, yes, it is fine.

Tavros: THANKS,,,

**Tavros adjusts his hat and goes to sit next to Vriska. Vris smiles.**

**Alright, Sollux. I have an alternate Aradiabot. Program it however you want.**

Sollux: Thii2 ii2 goiing to be amazing.

Aradia: I'm anxi0us t0 see h0w this c0mes 0ut.

Sollux: Don't worry. Thii2 wiil be the be2t robot you have ever 2een.

Aradia: I h0pe s0.

**Sollux pulls a latch and reveals Aradiabot's mainframe. He rumbles through it, puling some cords out, plugging some together.**

**At last, he shuts the door and flicks the switch.**

Aradiabot: Hell0 S0llux. Y0u l00k charming t0day.

Sollux: Why thank you Aradiiabot.

Aradiabot: 0h S0llux d0 y0u want t0 play vide0 games?

Sollux: 2ure!

Aradia: 0h real funny s0llux.

Aradiabot: He is funny!

Aradiabot: That's why I l0ve him!

Aradia: S0llux…

Sollux: Hehe, well… I thought that might get a biit creatiive.

**Dare I ship it?**

**I think I need to talk to Emi about it. **

**Be right back guys.**

**Narrator slips upstairs. She purposely 'accidentally' overhears a conversation upstairs.**

John: Again, I am so so sorry.

John: I don't know what came over me.

Emi: It's alright. I forgive you.

Emi: You _were _in my face. I would have the same thing.

John: Really?

Emi: No, n-not really... We're just friends.

Emi: Fuck, dude. Don't get all upset over this. I'm sure certain guys are drooling over you.

John: Now is not the time.

Emi: I know I'm sorry.

**Narrator, like the sneak she is, looks through the keyhole to see John and Emi sitting on John's bed. Emi looks nervous. She really does not like hurting John like this.**

Emi: Did you hear something?

John: No.

Emi: That wasn't a question. I know the narrator is behind the door.

…

Emi: You can come in.

**Narrator drifts in, the portable fourth wall encasing her. She hangs her head in shame.**

Emi: It's fine. I really don't care.

Emi: I was sorta expecting you.

**Narrator does not say anything. She desperately smiles.**

John: We weren't talking about anything important anyway.

John: Just something that'll never happen.

Emi: John…

John: I don't want to keep the readers waiting.

**The fourth wall cracks a bit, but Narrator is too worried about John to notice.**

John: I'm okay. You don't need to worry.

**I'm still worried.**

John: Don't be.

**John goes back downstairs, greeting many pitiful faces.**

**John sits next to the main fourth wall. Narrator returns behind it and clears her throat.**

**Karezi fluff time.**

Emi: *The narrator is very unenthusiastic*

**I'm waiting.**

Karkat: Hi Terezi.

Terezi: H1 K4RKL3S.

Karkat: You know, I ship with Nepeta a lot.

Terezi: TH4T'S N1C3.

Karkat: I can't do this.

**Karkat walks away from Terezi and over to John.**

**Karkat softly kisses John on the forehead. On his way back to his seat, he quickly kisses Eridan.**

Emi: I knew it.

**Emi smiles. Not in a ha-ha-i-told-you-so kind of way. A this-is-adorable kind of way.**

Kankri: G99d j9b, hyp9thetical 6r9ther.

Karkat: Shut up.

**Karkat blushes. He's smiling too. **

John: Thanks Karkat. I needed that.

**A long beautiful silence occurs. **

Karkat: :)

John: :)

Emi: Awww.

Emi: As much as I don't want to do this, we have dares to get do.

**As Emi looks back to the dare, John travels over Karkat. They snuggle on the couch, John lying on Karkat's shoulder.**

Emi: Nepeta, act like Pounce.

Nepeta: Okay!

**Nepeta leaps off of Equius's lap and gets into a hunting position. She starts to growl.**

Nepeta: *Pounce looks fur her purrey and growls.*

Meulin: Can i?

Nepeta: Of course!

**Meulin and Nepeta start to growl. Karkat and Kurloz look frightened.**

Kurloz: :0(

Emi: Hide.

Kurloz: ?

Emi: Hide.

Kurloz: ?

Emi: RUN.

**Kurloz jumps up and runs into the next room. As his feet leave the floor, Meulin pounces and smacks headfirst into the couch.**

Meulin: Yeowch!

Meulin: Who put that couch there?

Emi: Well, it was that or the flat screen tv.

**And I like that tv.**

Karkat: Choosing favorites, huh?

**My favorite is not the tv.**

Eridan: Are you sure? Because there is bubble wwrap surroundin that thin.

**I am very protective of my tv. I have all my face-off recorded on that thing.**

**Touch it and you die.**

Cronus: … **Cronus dangerously puts his dirty fingernail near the tv. **

Kankri: Cr9nus, I w9uld suggest that y9u n9t—

Cronus: I'm touchin it.

**Cronus…**

Cronus: ***smiling* **How bout I put more than my finga on it then?

Cronus: Maybe…my wvhole hand?

Meenah: Get off that thin!

Cronus: Oh, look! I got my slimy fingas rubbin against the screen.

Cronus: It's makin smudges!

**The narrator's eye twitches.**

Mituna: 17'5 4LL R1GH7, 1'LL U23 7H3 W4T3R 8UCK3G7 70 CL3AN3D 17.

Emi: The what.

**Mituna goes into the kitchen and bring out a bucket of soapy water, and a shaking Kurloz.**

Latula: tun4! Don't touch th4t!

Kankri: Is that what I presume t9 6e a pail? In any chance, that 9bject is triggering and may frighten certain tr9lls in the r99m. I suggest y9u put that metal c9ntraption away at 9nce. I will n9t 9rder y9u h9wever as that might be triggering and I have a celi6ate v9w I must stuck t9. W9uld y9u like to hear ab9ut it I have a p9cket versi9n in my felt h9lding jean additi9n I can take it 9ut, Mituna n9.

**Mituna, with a slight knowing smirk, pours the water onto the tv. It starts to sputter and smoke.**

Emi: The tv! It's gonna blow!

Rose: Everyone, upstairs!

**As the tv starts to catch fire, the trolls and kids are herded upstairs. The narrator grabs the fire extinguisher.**

Emi: Narrator, be careful. You might melt the fourth wall.

**The what?**

**Damn! I forgot I had this thing! I can't put out the fire from here!**

Emi: I got it.

**As smoke starts to fill the room, Emi takes the fire extinguisher and examines it.**

Emi: How does this work?

**Hurry up!**

Emi: It's like I'm reading a calculus problem!

**PRESS DOWN ON THE HANDLE!**

Emi: Oh.

E**mi Shoots foam out of the extinguisher, making a pile of fluff. It covers the tv in bubbles.**

**It was a smart tv too….**

Emi: At least it's out.

Emi: Until this room clears up, I think we'll do the dares upstairs.

**Cool. I'll trans—**

**Oh god. *The narrator facepalms***

Emi: What?

**You realize I could have transported the tv the whole time right?**

Emi: Wow, you are so helpful!

Emi: With your help, I could create world peace!

**Go upstairs.**

Emi: ***cough cough* **Uggh, I'm only going because I can't breathe.

**Remind me to take away your breathing privileges next time you eat the last croissant.**

**Emi rolls her eyes and joins everyone upstairs. **

Emi: Do you guys all fit in my room?

Rufioh: Pretty much. Gamzee's in the closet.

Gamzee: HoNk.

Emi: Hi Gamzee.

Emi: Let's continue. The smoke is settiling downstairs.

**Kanaya, what is your favorite blood flavor.**

Kamaya: I Presume That You Are Comparing Blood To How Terezi Smells. In That Manner, My Favorite Is Cerulean.

Vriska: Oh, really? What is that?

Kanaya: It Tastes Like Earth Blueberries.

Vriska: Oh suuuuuuuure. ;;;;)

Kanaya: I Do Not Know What You are Implying.

Terezi: GOSH, 3V3N 1 KNOW WH4T SH3'S TALK1NG 4BOUT 4ND 1 JUST C4M3 1N.

Kanaya: Very Well. If You Wish To leave Me Out Then I Guess I'll Stay Out Of This.

Vriska: Don't 8e like that.

Kanaya: I Don't Understand.

Rose: I think she is hinting at a possible relation between you liking her blood color and a red relationship.

Vriska: Well when you put it thaaaaaaaat way it sounds boring. ::::(

**Vriska leans back on her chair and kicks her feet up onto Kanaya's head.**

Kanaya: Will You Stop.

Vriska: Nope.

**Really, Vriska that's gross. **

**Um, I'd rather not give them that.**

Jane: Is that another lollipop?

Jane: Put that away! I do not need that happening again!

Dirk: Hell no am I wearing that shitty costume again.

Dirk: It's bad enough that I look like a cat.

Nepeta: Oh, you know it looks adorable.

Jake: Do I look adorable?

Nepeta: That skirt does match your eyes…

Jake: Gee wilikers, no one got me an extra pair of pants yet?

Emi: I don't think you'll fit in mine. You can try.

Jake: No thanks.

Jane: Get that thing away from me!

Emi: It's part of the dare!

Jane: I can sing the song without it!

Emi: Are you sure? She also wants JanexJake.

Jane: Give me that.

**Jane snatches the lollipop out of Emi's hand and licks it. She starts to shake.**

Emi: Someone throw her outside!

**Dirk grabs the smiling Jane and tosses her out the window.**

Jake: Jane!

_Jakey?_

Jake: Good golly…

_I can see you Jake! _

_Let's have babies!_

Jake: No!

Jake: No more relationships!

Dirk: Jane, calm down.

_Dirk why don't you come outside._

_You need to smile!_

Dirk: Holy fuck, Jake do something.

Jake: What do I do?

Dirk: I-I don't know! Why are you asking,me?

Dave: John, help control your hot grandma!

John: Leave me out of this! She might confuse me for Jake!

_Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake! I'm waiting!_

Jake: For what?

_My babiesssss!_

Jake: Auggh!

_Hello, my candy colored darling._

Jake: What is she doing?

Emi: She's singing!

_It's your vanilla baby. I've come to say I love you_

_And I always have._

_I find it so amusing_

_I used to be confused and _

_Afraid that you would never love me back._

Jake: I don't! Jane, please stop!

_Now I see_

_We were always meant to be_

_You and me together planting lots of family trees._

**Jane was now floating in front of the window, pressing her nose against the glass. Jake was hugging onto Dirk.**

_Counting out our children_

_Half a zillion at least._

Dirk: Ow…

_We'll name the boys for you and we will name the girls for me…_

**Jane sings the next minute and a half to Jake, her eyes spinning. Jake is almost in tears.**

Jake: Janey, no.

Jake: nononono

**Jane grins even larger and starts to float back.**

Emi: Jane, are you—

**Emi is cut off as Jane burst through the window and liplocks Jake. He flails, screaming into Jane's mouth. Slowly, Jake's eyes start to swirl.**

Emi: Everybody to Meenah's room!

**Everyone who still has their mind in control runs into the next room. Dirk stays behind with Emi.**

Dirk: I got this. They can't hurt me.

Emi: I'm staying.

Dirk: That's pretty badass of you.

Emi: I don't have a weapon.

Dirk: Ok, now you're just stupid.

_Dirk!_

_Oh Dirk!_

_Come play with us!_

Dirk: Get away from me! I won't hold back!

_I love you dirk._

_We both love you!_

_Why don't you love us?_

_Jane and I are getting married. You are invited to marry Roxy._

_Won't you come?_

_WWWHHHOOO!_

Emi: Don't come any closer! I-I have a water bottle!

_Hehehehe! _

_Why won't you two play with us?_

_Play!_

_You have too many feeelings!_

Emi: That's cause I actually know what I'm doing!

Dirk: Stop this! You are better than this!

_I don't love you!_

_Yea!_

_We are going to have babies!_

_We'll name one after you!_

Emi: Holy fuck…

_Can you count to a zillion?_

_I can!_

_123456789101112131415161718192021232425262728_

_He's counting our babies!_

Emi: YOU DON'T HAVE ANY BABIES!

_Who cares!_

**Jane jumps into jakes arms and continues to make out.**

**Dirk hides the sight behind his hand. It's revolting.**

_Oh, dirky! You know you want to join us!_

_I have a pair of lips! One for you and one for Janey!_

_I sure do like that!_

Dirk: How do I make you stop?

Emi: I don't know!

Emi: Just get out your boring sword!

Dirk: Unbreakable Katana!

Emi: It's still boring!

_Emmmiiiiii_

Emi: fuckfuckfuck.

**Hold on, im reading trickster mode again.**

Emi: How did it end?

_How did what end?_

_I don't want anything to end._

_Especially US._

_Emi, come fly!_

_WWWHHEEEE!_

**I got it! Someone needs to hit them with a crowbar!**

Dirk and Emi: A CROWBAR?!

**I put one in the sock drawer! Grab it!**

Emi: Dirk, go get it!

Dirk: Eww, no. I don't know what you keep in there.

Emi: Oh my gosh, there's underwear in there guess I'm just going to hand my body to trickster mode!

Emi: That's what you sound like.

Dirk: Auggh!

Emi: Thanks for making this easy Dirk.

_It's easy to be trickster!_

_Just let go!_

_You'll have so much fun!_

_Look into my eyes!_

**Emi looks away and grabs the crowbar. In a flash, she spins around.**

_Look into my eyes!_

_His eyes are so_

_PPRRRREEETTTYYYY!_

Emi: No!

Dirk: Quick!

**Emi gulps and smacks Jake in the face with the crowbar. He's thrown into the closet, next to Gamzee.**

**I never Gamzee was smart.**

Gamzee: BrO?

Gamzee: ArE yOu OkAy?

Emi: Gamzee! Hit the miracles girl with this!

**Emi throws the crowbar to Gamzee. He slowly lays the knocked-out Jake onto the floor and walks out of the closet.**

Gamzee: SiS?

_Hello Gamzee._

Gamzee: UhHhHh….

_You look so…_

_NICE…_

_Today…._

Gamzee: SiS? aRe YoU aLrIgHt?

_Have you seen my fiancé?_

_Are you my fiance?_

Gamzee: WhAt'S a FiAnCe?

Emi: Hit her already!

Gamzee: WaIt! We HaVe To FiNd HeR fIaNcE!

Emi: We'll find him after you FUCKING HIT HER!

**Gamzee raises the crowbar and brings it down onto Jane's head. A large crack echoes.**

Gamzee: Uh Oh.

Emi: Thanks Gamzee.

Dirk: Is she going to be okay?

Emi: Most likely. We should leave them alone. They are going to have the worst headaches.

Dirk: Tell me about it.

**Oof.**

**Let's go inside before they awakem.**

**Emi, the Narrator, Gamzee and Dirk leave the room. Emi shuts the door quietly.**

Roxy: Yur finally hare! Weve baen waitin 4 evar!

Roxy: *been

Emi: Why are you all in the hallway?

**Where's Eridan, Cronus, Fef and Meenah?**

Meulin: Let's just say I don't like water.

Aradia: The wh0le r00m is under water.

Emi: …

Emi: New idea. Who has the cleanest room that we can breathe in?

Kankri: I am very g99d at keeping my r99m clean. You are invited if y9u'd like to c9me in. I d9 have t9 warn y9u, h9wever, Karkat is n9t g99d at keeping his side clean.

Karkat: My room is the cleanest fucking room in this whole house.

Emi: Cool.

Emi: I was thinking of going to Nepeta's room though.

Emi: I need some shipping advice.

Nepeta: It's this way. Efurryone, take off your paws befur coming in.

**Everyone who is still conscious walks into the messy room. Blood is staining the floor.**

Emi: uhh, Nepeta? Is this raw meat?

Nepeta: Just caught!

**Salmonella….**

Emi: NOPENOPENOPE. We're going to Karkat's room.

Meulin: I told you we should have cleaned!

Nepeta: It looks clean to me!

**The room is emptied and the seadwellers join the group. Karkat opens his door.**

Kankri: Welc9me. As in Nepeta's r99m, I w9uld suggest taking 9ff y9ur c9stume paws.

Karkat: Wow, the room actually is clean!

Kankri: Did y9u d9ubt me?

Karkat: I thought you doubted me!

Kankri: I did.

**Everyone sits down, Gamzee in Karkat's closet. **

Gamzee: I lIkE tHeSe ClOsEtS.

John: Have you ever tried coming out of them?

Gamzee: EaSy.

**Gamzee climbs out of the closet. The humans giggle.**

Gamzee: WhAt?

Emi: Oh, nothing. I was just thinking of…pb and j sandwiches.

Jade: They're my favorite!

Dave: God, you guys suck at lying.

Emi: I consider it ironic.

Dave: Very well.

**Dave, did you miss Bro?**

Dave: It's pretty complicated, but yea.

Dave: We were pretty close.

Dirk: I'm kinda like the replacement.

Dave: Ironically.

**The next dare, omigod is this only the third dare I've done?, is from Demonofthesilverstars:**

**Supper-doodles, friends? ((Jegus frick, what is the hell is wrong with me today?))**

**Guys... Um... this isn't going to be easy to ask, but... **

**Ceroso Lupous ((fantroll, switches r and w around, cept on Woof, which takes the place of fuck. She's only about 3 sweeps and a half))- Rell, she's supew sad... she kicked a rall for no weason. Rait, rhy awe pictuwes of Kuwloz and Meulin in each othew's clothes popping up on my phone?**

**DS- HAHAHAHAHAHA! *points and laughs***

**C- That is so stupid... I can't believe you'we laughing at that...**

**DS- *Punches Ceroso in the nose, breaking it* It's not my fault! My best friend just ditched me! I need something to laugh at today!**

**C- *yelps and covers face with hands* **

**DS- I told you to cut the crap, and you didn't! So I improvised!**

**C- That ras weally extwemely unnecessawy. *she says as dark blue blood runs down her face***

**DS- *weakly* Well... Tsk. Tough luck for you, then.**

**C- *wipes face with sleeve* Just calm dorn. I mean, don't you have othew fwiends?**

**DS- Not really... Not many people can stand my judgmental attitude... let alone like me. **

**C- Oh Gog, hewe re go...**

**DS- SHUT UP! *loops arms under Ceroso's arms, and back behind her head* **

**C- HEY! LET GO!**

**DS- NO! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FROM YOU! *throws Ceroso over towards the dancestors* Kurloz... Meulin... meet your kid from another timeline, where you all lived, never lost your ability to speak or hear, and you two had a grub. She changed her last name because she didn't like it. I know, I know ''Holy shit, she's half woofbeast!'' Well, she's what happens when an indigo blood goat-boy and an olive blood kitty-cat have a grub. **

**C- DAMN YOU TO HELL!**

**DS- *throws a book at Ceroso's head, and break's off of of her horns by accident***

***everyone gasps* **

**C- *stares off into space* **

**DS- Uh oh...**

**C- *slowly falls to her knees***

**DS- Ceroso... you know that was an accident right?**

**C- *falls onto the floor face-down***

**DS- Um... I think I'm going to leave now...**

**C- *starts to quietly cry into the floor***

**DS- I'm just... gonna leave now...**

**C- *muffled speech***

**DS- Huh? **

**C- *louder muffled speech***

**DS- Krill? No, I don't like seafood...**

**C- *picks up head and yells* I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!**

**DS- SHIT! *runs away***

**C- *sniff* Stupid bitch... She bwoke my hown... *crawls over to a chair, climbs into it, and lays upside-down*. Fuck that shit... Oh rait... I have a twuth-thingy for uncle Cwonus... Come hewe... **

***whispers in his ear* You and Aunt Meenah awe a thing in my timeline... a gweat thing. *wink***

Emi: You don't like seafood?

Cronus: Seafood is digustin!

Cronus: Besides, I got a matesprit in another timeline!

Meenah: …

Meenah: I don't know how to react to tha one.

Meenah: Was I really that much of a whore to go out with fishfuck in the corner?

Ceroso: Yes. They rhewe weally cute too.

Nepeta: Who was I with?

Ceroso: No idea.

Nepeta: Oh.

Meulin: I could hear? That timeline sounds great!

Kurloz: :0)

Ceroso: I gotta go. DS misses me.

Emi: Already? You just got here!

Emi: She doesn't look like she misses you, anyway.

Meulin: I wanna here more about the relationship!

Meulin: or, at least see it.

Ceroso: Bye!

**The fan troll jumps onto the apperifier and leaves. **

Cronus: I musta been a playa!

Meenah: Never talk about that shit again.

Cronus: You ain't herein the end of this.

Emi: I used to ship this.

Cronus: yes!

Emi: Then I realized I was out of my mind for no shipping Aranea and Meenah.

Cronus: No!

**Cronus sits in Ceroso's chair and pulls out a cigarette.**

Cronus: Meenah, you ship us right?

Meenah: Where the fuck have yo been the last sixteen years of ma life?

Cronus: With you.

Meenah: In ya dreams.

**Aww, don't be like that.**

**To make him go away, confiscate his cigarettes.**

Meenah: Score one fa team Meenah.

Emi: Score two from Emi!

Nepeta: Score thr33!

Eridan: Score one for Team Cronus!

Cronus: You don't count.

**Ruude.**

**Geez, you guys are just boring now.**

**Next dare is from JammiBonjammerson (Sorry Tailsdoll13. I'll get back to you later. As for Alyssa, Janeroxy ftw!)**

**dare Nepeta to be a total badass. Leather jacket and all that.**

**I dare Kanaya to wear something horrible.**

**C:**

Nepeta: You furrking messin with me?

**Nepeta snatches Cronus's jacket and drapes it over her back. She slouches and leans against the wall.**

Nepeta: Ya listen and ya listen good. I'm the ruler round here and if you don't listen to me, I'll claw you're face off.

Nepeta: Equius, get me some milk. Purrrrr.

Equius: Excuse me, Nepeta, but my dare said I'm not allowed to obey anyone.

Emi: Equius go get Nepeta milk.

Equius: Alright..

**Equius goes into the kitchen and returns with a glass of milk. Nepeta takes it, knocking the tray out of Equius's hand.**

**Nepeta takes a sip.**

**And spits it all out.**

Nepeta: Augh! This milk is too cold fur me! Did you furriking think I would drink this slop? Bring me a glass of warm milk, and make in snappy.

Emi: You heard the girl.

Equius: I need a towel.

Karkat: Fuck.

Nepeta: That reminds me.

Nepeta: Since I'm the boss, I can do whatever I wanna do.

**Nepeta grabs Karkat by the shirt and smacks her lips onto his.**

Nepeta: And you better not furget that.

John: Nepeta!

Karkat: HOLY FUCK GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!

**Nepeta smiles but instead of pouncing, she kicks Karkat in the shin, hard.**

Karkat: Ow!

John: Don't touch him!

Nepeta: Says who?

John: Me!

Nepeta: You and what army?

**John plants himself on the ground. Behind him, Karkat, Jade, Rose, Dave, Dirk, Vriska and Emi form a triangle like formation.**

John: This army.

Nepeta: Grrrrrrr.

John: Oh, you wanna go? You wanna go?

**No, no she doesn't. Break it up you too. Nepeta, return to your normal self.**

Nepeta: Awww, but I liked being mean!

Vriska: Sorry, 8ut I'm the 8adass around here.

Nepeta: What if we were partners in crime!

Nepeta: I can s33 it now! On the headlines, Vriskers and Nepeta, the evilest girls on the block!

Emi: Our block is pretty small. I don't think you guys would be a headliner.

Vriska: Sorry to rain on your parade but im thinking of writing my own newspaper!

Emi: Who will read it?

Vriska: Me of course!

**I'll read it. What will it be called?**

Vriska: Spider8reath, the rumors of the century.

Emi: Isn't that the name of a ship?

**Pretty sure we shipped that for a week and a half.**

**Alright, let's wrap this up. Kanaya, go put on something ugly.**

Kanaya: I Feel This Cat Outfit Is Ugly Enough.

Emi: You can borrow one of Mituna's jumpsuits.

Mituna: W3 C4N B3 TW1N5!

Kanaya: I'd Rather Not.

Emi: Too late.

**Kanaya sighs and changes into Mituna's extra outfit. She fits perfectly.**

Kanaya: This Is Too Tight.

Vriska: Wow, Kanaya, you have more curves than I thought!

Kanaya: Vriska, No.

Rose: That outfit does flatter your hourglass shape.

Kanaya: Why, Thank You Rose.

Vriska: Great to know I'm appreciated.

**Wow, that a while to type. 31 pages too, new record. **

**Hope you guys had a great week since the last time I updated. I've been writing one-shot stories lately and haven't had much time to get back to this one. **

**That's what weekends are for, I guess.**

**Luv you guys!**

**:DD**


	17. Chapter 17- The end?

**Okay, so I am running out of ideas. The recent chapter I have trying to write stinks. So, in order to try to keep you guys up to date, I will posting sections of it. The good parts.**

**Before you read, it would be very helpful to know 2 things:**

**I made it so I had a cold. Originally I did. I'm fine now.**

**Someone put catnip in Nepeta's pancakes.**

* * *

Nepeta: Baaagggggeeeeellllssss.

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK?

Nepeta: I would like some tea! Thank you honeycomb.

Nepeta: H33H33H33H33H33!

Emi: I take that back. Karkat, thank you for warning us.

Karkat: NO PLEASURE.

Roxy: Nepeta? Yu look daffreant.

Nepeta: whoa. You are so rainbowwww.

Roxy sinks slowly into the couch. Nepeta giggles.

Karkat: START THE GOGDAMN DARES!

Okay, okay! First one is from mintyMocha:

Holy shiz, is your middle name really Rose? My name's Emily-Rose x3 anyway, dares...

Dave: *hands a gallon of aj* go wild c:

Jade: Im so sorry, but I have to... sloppy makeouts in the closet with Dave *whispers* OTP, OTP...

Damara: Since you never get any T's or D's...Truth. Who do you like most in this room?

My thinkpan's pretty empty for some reason xc i'll probably think of better dares later. Until then... *flies away in a flurry of brown feathers and fur*

Emi: Achoo!

Emi: Achoo!

Emi: Achoo!

Aradia: Bless—

Emi: ACHOO!

Emi: *sniff* Thanks.

**Gazuntight, ((or however you spell it))**

Emi: And yea, that's my middle name. I'm named after my great-grandma Rose.

John: I wonder if Rose knows you share her name.

Emi: She's in the middle of a feelings jam.

Vriska: WH8T?

Emi: Not that kind. A talking one.

Vriska: Don't fucking scare me like that.

Terezi: YOU W3R3 SC4R3D?

Vriska: No!

Em; Speaking of scared, lets see how Dave will react when he gets this.

Emi pulls out a gallon of Apple juice. Dave's jaw drops.

Dave: Oh. My. God.

Dave: Give me that thing.

Emi: Sure.

Dave: Now.

Dirk: Dave are you okay?

Dave: I need that apple juice.

Emi: Here. You thank mintyMocha.

Dave: *turns toward fourth wall* I love you so much. You have no idea.

Jade: Dave? You're not helping the next dare.

Nepeta: Omiglob! Isthatwhatithinkthatisisthatashipiloveships!

Nepeta: sshhhiiiippppssss.

Emi: Okay, Nepeta calm down.

Nepeta faces Emi, grinning with sharp teeth. Her eyes widen, revealing bright yellow and green orbs. Emi shrivels.

Meulin: N-nepeta?

Equius: We will be right back.

Equius picks Nepeta up by the jacket and throws her over his shoulder. She Is shoosh papped in the corner of the room.

**Meulin purses her lips and pulls up her socks. You hear a small crinkle.**

Kurloz: MEULIN! PUT THAT AWAY!

Meulin: I am! **Meulin whispers. Emi tilts her head. After hearing nothing, Emi turns back to her conversation.**

**Equius returns. Nepeta is fast asleep in his arms. With a nod from both Emi and Karkat, Nepeta is placed next to Roxy.**

Nepeta: Zzz

Roxy: Yur su cutes!

Nepeta: Purr.

Karkat: YEA YEA LOOK AT NEPETA. HOW SICKINGLY CUTE. NOT.

Meenah: does anybeta know who gave cat gill drugs?

Karkat: LETS SEE. IT'S PROBABLY NOT THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WITH ACCESS TO IT!

**All eyes turn toward Narrator. She ducks behind her computer.**

Emi: No jumping to conclusions guys.

Emi: Gamzee's obviously the one.

Gamzee: NaW mAn. I wOuLdN't Do ThAt To A sIsTeR. nOt WiThOuT aSkInG.

Gamzee: KaRbRo?

Karkat: ARE YOU BLAMING ME FOR DESTROYING NEPETA'S THINK PAN MOMENTARILY? AS A LEADER I WOULD HAVE TO HAVE GONE OUT OF MY MIND TO DRUG MY GOOD FRIEND! HOW FUCKING HEARTLESS DO YOU THINK I AM?

Emi: (hear that? He said good friend)

John: (That's adorable!)

Emi: (Love tension?)

Jane: (What are we whispering about?)

Emi: (Karkat's love tension!)

Jane:(ooh!)

John: (Grandma, did you know Karkat's my moirail?)

Emi: (YOUR WHAT?)

John: (Sshhh)

Emi: (Only a moirail?)

Vriska: (John? I thought I was your moirail.)

John: (You are! Karkat's just..there. Y'know?)

Emi: (Just there. That's it.)

Jane: (Sounds good to me!)

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT?

Emi: Uh, vocaloid. Continue ranting.

Karkat huffs. He starts to interrogate characters.

**Vocaloid?**

Emi: (It's the first thing I thought of that he wouldn't know! Shut up.)

John: (Why don't you like Karkat' as my pale friend?)

Emi: (I thought it was more.)

John: (No! Emily, have you gone deaf?)

Meulin: (One, real nice.)

Meulin: (Two, what's happening? Didn't you two kiss?)

John: (Karkat and I? Don't all moirails do that?)

Emi: (Let me explain this. Well, that's like kissing your best friend. Or a sister.)

Jane: (Like kissing Jake's grandma.)

John: (Ew!)

Meulin: (Speaking of kissing, I think you guys should look over here.)

Meulin tilts her head sideways, motioning toward the closet. Jade and Dave are walking out.

Emi: (Geez! We can't go one chapter without shipping.)

Vriska: (Are we still talking a8out this?)

Karkat: …MEULIN!

Meulin: (I was thinking, maybe I could ship Karnep as platonic.)

Karkat: MEULIN!

Meulin: (Oh, I luv shipping!)

Karkat and Emi: MEULIN!

**Meulin spins around to find Karkat looming over her.**

**In a pinch, Karkat crouches, darts his hand into meulin's sock, and pulls out a bag of catnip.**

Terezi: W3LL W3LL W3LL. WH4T H4V3 W3 H3R3?

Meulin: It's not what you think! I just thought she seemed a bit depressed.

Terezi: Y3T YOU KN3W TH3 CONS3Q3NC3S. 1 M1GHT B3 BL1ND, BUT TH4T DO3SN'T M34N 1 C4N'T K1CK SOM3 4SS.

Meulin: Kurloz. Help.

Kurloz: :0(

* * *

**Later:**

The next dare is from ElderDragonSiege752:

**Alright, here goes: Eridan, dress up and act like the fourth doctor from doctor who, for four chapters(Emi should probably explain what doctor who is to the trolls.) Damara, just, kiss anyone you want to. And they HAVE TO let you do it. Alright. I'm done. Nice job so far, by the way**

Eridan: a doctor?

Emi: Doctor who is this tv show in Britain. I know absolutely nothing about it except that there are what, like, 12 doctors?

Emi: So, yeah, not doing that.

Emi: Oh, wow. What a coincidence. Two Damara dares in a row.

Damara: set up!

Blame the reviewers!

***in the corner of the room emerges more than 80 different people. The leaders are a tall cat girl, a girl with a shirt labeled '8th dimension' and a girl a little taller than Emi, wearing a red robe.***

Livvykitty: What did you say?

I said…blame the haters! *Narrator nods* Yea! We hate those guys.

DSF: …

DSF: I guess we can take that.

8th dimension: hold on.

8th dimension: Look how short she is!

DSF: Are you smaller than me?

Alright, you've made your point. No blaming you, I got it.

Livvykitty: I must be a skyscraper!

DSF: Did you even hit five feet?

Bbbyyyeee!

***Narrator pushes the girls out the door. Other reviewers follow.***

***Narrator slams the door.***

Emi: ( 4'10 is tall, too!)

Karkat: I'M PRETTY SURE EVEN NEPETA IS TALLER THAN YOU.

Emi: -_-

* * *

**Because of my writing block I have decided that until further notice:**

**THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER.**

**Sorry. I'll try in like a month or two.**

**This doesn't mean the whole "Me living with the trolls in a big mansion' is going to be ditched.**

**I have a whole nother story bout that. I also have future ideas involving Narrator and Emi.**

**-xEmistuckx**


	18. Chapter 18- One last thing for a while

***looks at last chapter* Oh geez, I am evil! I can't leave you hanging like that! **

**You know what, it's Friday night, I've got nothing to do, I'm going to write another chapter.**

* * *

John: Oh good! I was getting bored. What has it been, a week?

Emi: Pretty much.

John: You're laziness has gotten out of hand.

Rose: Hello?

Emi: What are you doing here?

Rose: One, I live here.

Rose: Two, John said you needed therapy.

Emi: Therapy.

John: Therapy.

**Out of the shadows appear the rest of the gang. Their arms are crossed.**

**Reviewers are right behind them.**

Emi: Whoa, guys, what are you doing?

Tailsdoll13: It's been forever since you've written!

Emi: And? Can't a girl be lazy?

Rufioh: We're really bored, too.

Tailsdoll13: _And _you've been skipping my dares!

Emi: Not on purpose!

**The group surrounds Emi, slowly closing in.**

Dave: I haven't gotten a good look at Egbert in a week!

Aranea: People have 8een listening to my stories! That's not normal!

Emi: Guys, guys, I can fix this!

Emi: Guys! AAAHHHHHH!

**Emi wakes up in a cold sweat. The blankets shift behind the fourth wall.**

Emi: Sorry, did I wake you up?

**It's five in the morning. What do you think?**

Emi: Ugghhh. I had the worst dream.

**I know. I was there.**

Emi: Just great. I'm being watched in my dreams.

Kanaya: Good Morning. I See You Are Well.

Emi: Has Terezi been giving you seeing lessons? I'm doing terrible.

Kanaya: Well Jane Has Prepared Breakfast Downstairs, If You Would Like Some.

Emi: It's only five. I wanna go back to bed.

**As Emi lays back down, Vriska bursts through the door. She is holding a plate.**

Vriska: Baaaaaaaacon!

Emi: Outta my way!

**Emi jumps up and snatches the plate. The door slams behind her.**

Kanaya: Is Bacon Something Most Humans Enjoy?

**More than you know sister.**

**Downstairs, Emi is sitting in front of a plateful of bacon. Jane is passing out pancakes.**

Jake: Breakfast sure looks great, Janey!

Jane: Thanks. It's a family recipe.

Tavros: I..uh..also enjoy these pancakes.

Cronus: These thins taste like rubbish! I can still taste the bakin powver.

Jane: Oh. Maybe you would like some French toast.

Cronus: Nah.

John: How about a dare?

Cronus: Wvhat?

**John flys down the stairs. He is holding a sheet of paper.**

Emi: Hey! **Emi points to the prankster, a mouthful of bacon clogging her voice.**

John: The first dare is from Tailsdoll13:

Emi: We already skipped that one. Go onto the next—

John: 'Mituna: WWWHHH3333333!'

My reaction: THE BBY OMFG

Finally, I have pulled a dare out of my ass!

Latula: Give Mituna a piggyback ride!

Deranged Shadow Fangirl

**John, I don't think Latula is going to take you seriously.**

John: Speak for yourself.

**John turns and points to Latula, who is shoving rad french toast down her throat.**

John: …

Latula: john, d1d you n33d som3th1ng?

John: Yea. Mituna said he wanted a piggyback ride.

Latula: r4d1c4l!

**Latula finishes her plate and steals Mituna from Kurloz for a moment. She crouches.**

Mituna: P1GGY84CK R1D3? 0H B0Y!

**Mituna jumps onto Latula's back. Latula struggles, but regains her balance. She laughs.**

Latula: m1tun4, you'v3 gott3n h34vy!

Mituna: 70 N4RN14!

**Mituna clings onto Latula's neck as she starts to run around the living room. He giggles. Cronus smiles from his seat.**

**As Mituna starts to hiccup, Latula places him on the couch. His helmet is falling off his head, showing a mess of black hair. Sollux sits Mituna up.**

Sollux: Dude, you really need a better helmet.

Mituna: 7H4NK5 50LLUX.

**Mituna's hair is fixed up and his helmet placed back on his head. He is still smiling.**

Cronus: Hey, Mituna?

Mituna: Y34 CR0GNU5?

Cronus: I givwe piggybacks too.

Mituna: 4W3S0M3!

**Mituna jumps onto Cronus, who is still seated. Cronus slips off his chair, landing on his face.**

Cronus: I deservwed that. Owv.

John: Haha, this is precious!

Emi: Don't think we're done with you.

**If I didn't have this wall, I swear to you, your soul would be gone. Apperantly I can do that now.**

John: The next dare is from Guest or am i:

**EVERYBODY: Trade clothes with your dancestor! (Lolidkanymore)**

**-Kanaya and Porrim: Turn out the lights, and then be the only light-source for (however long the author wants)**

**-Sollux and Mituna: Ride around on GIANT BEES**

**-Gamzee and Kurloz: Drink a three-liter bottle of Faygo**

**-Nepeta and Meulin: only talk in meows and other cat sounds for the rest of the chapter**

**-Dave and Dirk: EPIC RAP BATTLE - GO!**

**-Jane and John: Make and eat a cake!**

**-Jane: Seriously, make him eat that cake**

**-Jade and Jake: GRAND-PARENT/CHILD BONDING TIME! :)**

**-Eridan and Cronus: Share stories of your EPIC FAILURES in romance**

**-Feferi and Meenah: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HEIRESS! DUEL!**

**-Vriska and Arenea: Tell your favorite stories - but only the short, lame version.**

John: Hey!

Meulin: I don't think we would fit in our dancestors' clothes.

Nepeta: Mew big!

Kankri: 9r small.

Karkat: 5'2 IS A DECENT HEIGHT! AT LEAST I'M NOT 4'10!

Emi: We are not bringing this up again.

**Fine skip it. Eridan, shut off the light.**

Eridan: Wwhy do I havve to do it?

**Just hurry up. I'm not exactly a morning person.**

Karkat: OH, SNAPPY MS. SNAPPY PANTS HERE DOESN'T LIKE THE DARK.

**Karkat, I live with 24 nocturnal trolls. The dark is the least of my concer—**

**AAAHHHH!**

**HOLY CRAP SOMEONE PUT ON THE LIGHTS!**

John: (Nobody put on the lights.)

Kanaya: John, I Don't Think That Is A Pleasurable Idea.

**JOHN SHUT THE HELL UP AND TELL THE MARYAMS TO GLOW!**

Porrim: Is this my civic duty? To+ light up the ro+o+m fo+r men?

Jade: I'm not a guy!

Meenah: We are pretty sure we're gills.

**The narrator starts to hyperventilate.**

Horuss: You are maneing a scene.

Emi: You know, guys, it would be a good time to glow.

Kanaya: Of Course.

**Kanaya and Porrim flicker on like lamps. The narrator relaxes.**

Dave: Is this like an ironic phobia.

**Let's go with that.**

**Next, bees.**

**Two bees appear out of thin air. They wave their antenna around.**

Emi: Narrator, are you okay?

**Bees. You picked bees.**

Bee #1: Boo.

**….**

Emi: Calm down. You are safe behind glass.

**Okay. As long as they don't sting.**

Sollux: Aww, you bee2 are kiind of cute.

Mituna: L3T'5 G0!

**Mituna and Sollux jump onto the giant beasts and the bees buzz like a 25 cent ride outside of toys r us. The bees start to hover and jolt. They slowly flutter a foot off the ground.**

Sollux: Thii2 ii2 2tupiid.

John: (Not if I have anything to say anything about it!)

**John flies around the Maryam sisters, avoiding any large objects.**

**He disappears.**

Emi: Where did he go now?

**I don't know. He's gone.**

John: (hehe)

**As Sollux and Mituna slowly drift across the living room, the bees start to fall asleep. A small titter is heard beneath the bees.**

Latula: m1tun4! jump off!

Mituna: N0 W4Y! TH15 15 T00 MUCH FUN!

**Sollux takes Latula's advice and jumps onto an unsuspecting Aradia.**

**Mituna hugs onto the fluffy bee.**

John: I think I feel a…

John: Bee-ze!

Emi: oh god….

**John pushes up the bee, a small tornado encircling Mituna. Latula gasps.**

Latula: put h1m down!

John: No way! This is comedy gold.

Latula: 1 s41d..

**Latula stomps over to John.**

Latula: put h1m down!

**John turns around just as Latula digs a red boot into his calf. John yelps.**

John: Ow!

**John hugs onto his foot, letting the wind settle. Mituna falls into Latula's arms.**

Latula: 4nd th4t's how you m4t3sp1r1t.

Nepeta: Wow…

Karkat: PRETTY FUCKING SURE THAT'S CALLED BEING A MOIRAIL.

Nepeta: Meow!

Meulin: Purrr….

**Ahead of the game, I see…**

**Dave and Dirk: Epic rap battle!**

Dave: Sweet!

* * *

**And…I'll end it there.**

**I wanted this to be a short chapter, just to let you guys know I'm not gone.**

**Don't worry, I'll write their raps after my second Johnkat is written. (Whenever that comes out…)**


	19. Chapter 19- Another chapter!

(**Okay, for that rap, I will put it up later. I want to get caught up first. The rest of the dare will be skipped. If I ever get caught up, probably never, I will go back and do the skipped ones. Sorry. (I feel like I say sorry a lot).)**

* * *

**Emi sits in the living room, watching reviews pile up. Her legs are crossed, and earbuds are hanging from her ears.**

**Have you come to a conclusion?**

Emi: WHAT?

**HAVE YOU COME TO A CONCLUSION?**

Emi: Oh, oops. Sorry.

**Emi unplugs her earbuds and pauses the music.**

Emi: What did you need?

**What are you going to do with all these dares?**

Emi: Why are you asking me?

Emi: It's not my story. I'm always available. You are the one with a life.

**True, true.**

**Got it!**

Emi: Cool. You go do whatever you are going to do.

**But I need you. You are, like, the main character.**

John: You used to be.

**How did you get in here? I thought everyone was asleep.**

John: Errr, not the point. I'm in control now!

John: *John laughs*

**You did not. You only said you did to confuse people.**

John: First dare.

**John, this is not how you play truth or dare! You have to have some kind of intro!**

John: Oh well. That's not important. Follow me!

Emi: Over my dead body.

John: *John squints and frowns*

**Use detail!**

John: *John fucking squints his blue eyes and frowns using his mouth.*

Dirk: Wow, I guess I didn't need any sleep.

Emi: Sorry Dirk.

John: *The rest of the kids trickle downstairs. Their feet patter on the carpeted stairs.*

Dave: Is it Christmas already?

John: It's called roleplay.

Terezi: 1 W4NT TO H34R TH3 GR1STM4S STORY.

Equius: E%cuse my interruption, but I am pretty sure Gristmas occurs in the human month of December.

Dave: I was being sarcastic. I'm sure Kanaya knows a lot about that.

Kanaya: Would You Like Me To Teach You?

John: Gosh, are all of these chapters so boring?

***crack***

John: Like I said, first dare!

**This is from—**

John: guest.

John: *OMG IM 6 SWEEPS TOO! 3*

John: ?

Emi: Yea! So let's see, I have a soon-to-be army of six-sweep olds and an army of Roses! We should form a club.

Rose: May I run it?

Emi: Y'know, I would let you, but…John has to read the next dare.

John: Ha!

**Who's side are you on?**

John: The next dare is from *a random man in a silver suit appers*

"Welcome mentelgen I am here to give thy author a set of dares"*hands emi dares* "well I bet be off"*sails away on a ship*"SAAAIL AWay sweet sist..."*fades out*

Vriska John the closet is calling the spider8reath shippers DEMAND IT!

Karkat Don't blink.

Blink and you're dead.

Don't turn your back.

Don't look away.

And don't blink.

Good Luck.

(You know what to do with this…I hope)

Nepeta..why are you so fucking cute.

Dave sloppy makeouts with terezi since the closet is currently occupied TO THE BEDROOM

Also jade I must ask since you are part dog what kinda dog is it. I always said bec was a mastive I know he was a guardian but he had to be part something

All dancestors opinion on your descendants life and stuff? Just curious

AND FINALLY DRUUUUUUUUMROOOOOOOOLL PLEASE

*dakadakadakadakadakadakadakadakadaka*

Eridan I have to tell you something. I am in possession of magic not science. Magic. I can prove it. If this was science then how do I awenser the following question using physics.

I am riding in a canoe and a wheel falls out. How many pancakes does it take to reshingle emi's roof? Also saying whatever makes you lose the dare forcing you to not be able to say anything till you bend backwards and lick your butt.

John: What kind of reviewers do you have?

**That's it, give me the paper. You have to check your review privileges.**

Kankri: I can help him d9 that. Please, f9ll9w me t9 the guest bedr99m upstairs.

John: No!

**Kankri firmly grasps onto John's arm and drags him upstairs. Porrim whistles.**

Emi: bring him back! He needs to make out with….oh well.

Vriska: What? No fighting to complete the dare?

Emi: Fiiine.

Emi: Narrator, you do it.

**Kankri, give back John. You can lecture him afterwards.**

Kankri: I w9uld n9t advise it. There is n9 reas9n t9 reward him f9r the distress he has 6r9ught up9n y9u.

**Please?**

Kankri: If y9u wish. I'll 6e waiting right here to make sure he arrives.

**Narrator returns downstairs with a slightly hopeful look on his face.**

John: (Thanks)

Vriska: (No pro8.)

**John and Vriska leave to make-out. Karkat grumbles and taps his fingers.**

Emi: Alright Karkat, don't blink.

Karkat: WHY NOT?

Emi: Do I look like I know about this?

**It's just like the angel statue thing.**

Emi: I think it's another fandom.

Karkat: I WILL JOIN IF IT GETS ME OUT OF THIS ONE.

Emi: Oh, sweet, innocent Karkat. If you did that, you would miss the Karezi smooches.

Karkat: THE WHAT. DID YOU JUST SAY KAREZI.

Emi: Don't expect me to repeat it. I have another closet upstairs. Go.

**Emi sneers as Karkat and Terezi abscond. John and Vriska step out of the closet. Vriska has a crooked smile on her face.**

Emi: Back so soon?

John: Vriska bit me.

**Vriska only laughs before joining Aranea and Damara. John sits next to Rose, Kanaya and Sollux.**

Sollux: Not 2o fa2t hot 2hot.

John: (damn)

Sollux: Ii'm pretty 2ure you have a certain talkatiive troll to 2peak wiith.

Emi: And you thought we forgot.

**John sighs and trudges upstairs.**

Emi: Nepeta, why are cute?

Nepeta: I'm not sure. Efur since I got this tail and the hat the rest just furlowed suit.

Nepeta: And then I met my furst meowbeast.

Equius: 10 more later, she was the cutest troll I have ever met.

Nepeta: stop it! You guys are mew nice!

**Oh, oops.**

Emi: What?

**I read the dare wrong. Dave is supposed to kiss Terezi.**

Emi: Yeah, that makes more sense.

Emi: Dave, can you clear things up?

Dave: Sure.

**Dave goes to fix my slip-up. John triumphantly smirks upstairs.**

Jade: bec?

Jade: Oh, I'm not really sure what type of dog he is.

Jade; Grandpa said it was…oh… something that starts with an L?

**A Labrador?**

Jade: Maybe. I was so young when he told me.

**Oh, save those feelings for later. I swear I saw a dare with Grandpa/jade feels. **

**Now, just as with many other dares—**

John: I'm back! Get out of the way!

Kankri: I tried my hardest.

Emi: Thank you. John, you may continue.

**/:(**

**I have resorted to this.**

John: Blood order! Quick! Flash dare!

Kankri: Karkat, h9nestly , can 6e a 6it h9t-headed at times.

Damara: uto0smt57vbophndnrgtnpr

John: ….Good enough!

Rufioh: Tavros is alright. A bit of a scardy-meowbeast though.

Mituna: 20LLUX 15 50 N1C3! H3 15 L1K3 4 BR07H3R 70 M3!

Meulin: Nepeta is so…kawaii! I never thought someone could be so good at shipping, either.

Porrim: Ugh. Kanaya is such a bo+re. Plus, she has to+ like all the guys. She doesn't even give a seco+nd tho+ught o+n ho+w anno+ying they are!

Latula: my g1rl 1s tot4lly r4d. w3 both w34r gl4ss3s! not so sur3 rol3pl4y1ng is 4s much fun 4s sh3 s4ys 1t 1s.

Aranea: Vriska is very rude and doesn't listen to my stories. It's almost as if I have met a second Meenah to handle.

Meenah: You're sayin that like it's a bad thin ;)

John: Next!

Meenah: Alright, alright, hold your seahorses.

Horuss: Equius is almost the exact copy of me. I hope he has as much fun with his moirail as I do with mane.

Kurloz: :0)

Meenah: She is glubbin atrocious! Uggh, I can't believe condense picked _her._

Emi: She wasn't exactly picked, per say. She automatically gets the throne.

Meenah: Whateva. That gill still doesn't deserve that spot.

Feferi: Well, maybe you don't deserve it!

Eridan: Feferi,please.

Feferi: …

Feferi: We will settle this later.

Meenah: You betta believe it.

Dave: Alright, I'm back. Be prepared for a shitstorm.

**Oh no. Is he mad?**

Dave: Fuming.

Karkat: WHAT THE HELL WHY WOULD YOU TRICK ME ITO THINKING IS WAS DARED TO KISS TEREZI DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FEELINGS THAT SURFACED I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU I THOUGHT YOUR ASPECT WAS HEART AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE CARING OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT I OUGHT TO ORDER EQUIUS TO HURT YOU BUT NO, I WON'T, BECAUSE I CARE ENOUGH NOT TO BETRAY SOMEONE I HAVE NONE FOR A GOOD AMOUNT OF TIME NOW.

**Breathe, Karkat, breathe.**

Karkat: DON'T TALK TO ME. I'M SO FUCKING DONE WITH YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE NOT JUMPED OUT A WINDOW AND RAN FOR MY DIGNINTY YET.

**Karkat stomps to the corner and sits. He buries his head in his shirt.**

Terezi: POOR K4RK4T. D4V3 1S A GOOD K1SS3R THOUGH.

Dave: Damn straight.

**Eridan, answer the question.**

Eridan: Wwell, you could have brought a wwheel into the boat. Then the wwind pushed it, and although friction acted upon it, it still fell out of the boat, wwhere gravity pushed it dowwnwwards. As for the pancakes, Emi's roof is fine since the roof is neww. The answwer is no pancakes.

Emi: …

**Damn.**

Feferi: Wow. You actually sounded smart.

Eridan: Surprised? Don't be.

**Next dare is—**

John: From 8th dimension.

**(sorry Pachimew, but that is really long. As for Livvykitty, I kind of already did!)**

**Alright Eridan, since every quiz I take says your my moirail and kismisis...-gives Eridan a hug- **

**Next, Terezi, act like a cop/detective and arrest people for stupid reasons. And Sollux, your her partner. Use your powers to make flashy red and blue lights while making cop car sounds.**

John: *Eridan and Cronos, sing The Wheatley Song by Harry101 UK. This should be pretty funny because of your accents. Eridan: You'll sing Wheatley's lines. Cronos, you'll be GLaDOS/potaTOS, turrets and, space core.

This should be good...*

Eridan: A hug? O-okay.

**Eridan hugs 8****th**** dimension. Feferi raises her eyebrows.**

Terezi: H3H3H3! W3LL, W3LL, W3LL, WHO'S MY F1RST V1CT1M.

**Terezi smiles a toothy grin, looking toward Karkat. Sollux starts to whee-woo.**

Karkat: GO AWAY.

Terezi: 1'M 4RR3ST1NG YOU FOR NOT H4V1NG FUN.

Karkat: FUCK YOU TOO.

Terezi: T4K3 H1M 4W4Y.

**Sollux picks up Karkat and places him on top of the roleplaying 'castle'. He growls.**

Terezi: T4VROS, YOU 4R3 TOO 1NNOC3NT.

Sollux: ii got thii2.

**Sollux arrests Tavros, who is a lot heavier than Karkat. Tav is pretty much dragged across the floor. **

Sollux: The jaiil ii2 almo2t full.

Terezi: 4LR34DY?

Terezi: SO M4NY CR1M3S, NOT 3NOUGH T1M3.

Dave: Why don't you arrest Mrs. drug dealer over here.

Meulin: I am not! (=o0o=)

Jake: You might as well give it up now.

Karkat: (EVIDENCE)

Terezi: WH4T W4S TH4T K4RKL3S? SH3'S GU1LTY?

Karkat: (JUST SHUT UP)

**Terezi arrests Meulin, Sollux following her. His eyes shoot flashy lights across the room. **

Sollux: The jaiil i2 full. Our job ii2 complete.

Terezi: TH4NK YOU POL1CE FR13ND C4PTOR.

**The prisoners are released. Meulin's face is a bright green.**

**Eridan and Cronus groan.**

Emi: Now. And make it good.

_Well, well, well_

_Welcome to my lair!_

_Chell, and a potato, huh?_

_Ooh, I'm really scared_

_So, you're the ones who want to take me out…hahaha good luck_

_You're joking, you are joking_

_I can't believe my eye!_

_You're kidding me_

_You've gotta be_

_Why won't you just die?_

_She's fat, you're starchy_

_I don't know which is worst_

_I might just blow a circuit_

_If I don't die laughing first!_

_When lil old Wheatley says:_

_There's trouble behind that door_

_You'd better pay attention now_

_Because I'm the wheatley core_

_And if you aren't shaking _

_Then there's something very wrong_

_Because this may be the last time_

_That you hear the wheatley song!_

_Oooh!_

Emi: ooh!

_Oooh!_

Feferi and Meenah: Oooh!

_Oooh!_

Emi: oooh!

Everyone: He's the evil wheatley core!

_Well if I'm feeling bored_

_And there isn't much to do_

_I might just build a special batch_

_Of tests for you to do_

Feferi and Meenah: Oooh

_Oh yeah_

Jade: Spaace!

_Oooh!_

Everyone: Oooh!

He's the evil wheatley core!

_Relieve yourself or you must face the dire consequences_

_The subjects are expecting me so please come to your senses._

_You're joking! You're joking!_

_I can't believe my ears!_

_Would somebody shut this potato up?_

_I'm drowning in my tears!_

_It's funny_

_I'm laughing_

_You really are too much_

_And now, without your permission_

_I'm going to do my stuff_

_What are you going to do?_

_I'm going to do the best I can._

_The smell of neurotoxin to me _

_Is beauty in the air!_

_Because I'm the brilliant Wheatley core_

_Although I don't play fair._

_It's much more fun, I must confess_

_When lives are on the line._

_Not mine, of course, but yours old girl_

_Now that'd be just fine…_

_It's over you moron!_

_You've really taken this too far!_

_Oh darling, you're something!_

_You put me in a spin!_

_You aren't comprehending_

_The position that you're in!_

_It's hopeless!_

_You're finished!_

_You're stuck here in my lair!_

_Because I'm the clever old Wheatley_

_And you're not going nowhere._

**Cronus knocks his Elbow into Eridan, knocking him over. He smirks and kicks back next to Meenah. There is a small clap in the back of the room.**

Eridan: Wwhat? **Eridan asks, standing up.**

Eridan: No applause?

Emi: I don't think you put much enthusiasm into it.

Cronus: I wvas practically dancing! Did you not see my interpretive hand gestures?

Rose: They were quite…unique…

Eridan: They looked like a fucking baby bird trying to fly but failing miserably.

**And the baby bird was ugly, grey, and misshapen.**

Cronus: Nice. Real nice.

John: Last dare is from

**Solo!**

John: *Ok…I have a dare.

**Eridan**

John: *and Cronus*

**Have a shooting competition**

Emi: WITH AHAB'S CROSSHAIRS! –SOLO!

John: You don't have to yell.

Emi: John, I am just…so done with you. Lately, not only have you been messing up the narrator, but you having been destroying ships!

Emi: just stop!

Emi: Go upstairs and just…stop!

**John backs away slowly. Emi takes in deep breaths.**

Nepeta: Efurryone outside?

Emi: Yes.

**A majority of the kids, except for John, follow Emi and the narrator. Eridan and Cronus each have a gun. **

**Both guys get a target to shoot at. They aim.**

Emi: Ready?

**Set?**

John: ***from house* **Go!

**Cronus and Eridan shoot their arrow simultaneously. **

**Eridan slumps.**

Cronus: Haha! I got a bullseye!

Eridan: Dang it!

**Eridan kicks the ground, throwing the crosshair to the ground. Feferi giggles.**

Eridan: This is not funny! Howw did I take dowwn a wwhole planet of angels, and not a target?

Cronus: Maybe you need newv hipster glasses.

* * *

**Okay, before John rudly interrupted me, I was going to say that instead of making really long chapters, I am going to make short ones, more spread out. That way you guys get stories and I get some time to work on other stories.**

**Oh, and livvykitty? Stop worrying so much! I got this under control.**

**:DD**


	20. Chapter 20- Livvykitty!

**BAM!**

**The front door is kicked open, dust exploding from the ground. The kids jump at the noise. The trolls rush from their comfy beds.**

Karkat: WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?

Dave: Well, it looks like we have a visitor

Terezi: SH3 SM3LLS L1K3 F3L1N3 4ND JAP4N3S3 M4CH1N3 MUS1C.

**The dust splits, making way for a tall human. She is wielding an especially sharp pencil, a backpack hung over one shoulder.**

Livvy: Cresto!

Livvy: I got here as fast as I could!

Emi: Glad you made it. There's hot cocoa on the dining room table if you're thirsty.

Livvy: Thanks!

**Livvykitty sheds her coat, cat ears falling off in the process.**

Nepeta: Are those…kitty ears?

Livvy: Yup!

**Nepeta reaches out for the black triangles. Livvy pats her head.**

Livvy: Haha, you like them? Well, I brought you a pair!

**Livvy pulls a pair of car ears from nowhere in particular. Nepeta squeals in delight.**

Karkat: JUST WHAT WE NEED, ANOTHER CAT.

Livvy: Look at that, you've got your priorities straight! About time!

Karkat: I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.

**Livvy frowns, a small sneer pulling at the end of her lips.**

Emi: Oh, Liv! Can I talk to you for a moment? **Emi calls from the kitchen. Liv perks up, turning away. Her curls bounce as she runs to Emi's side.**

Emi: So, do you have the thing?

Livvykitty: Just as we planned. Our secret, right?

Emi: Only Narrator, you and I know.

**You-know-who is going down.**

Livvy: Perfect. Now, pretend like everything is normal.

Karkat: EVERYTHING IS NORMAL.

Emi: Uhh….yup! Everything is normal, good observation!

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?

Liv and Emi: A lot.

Kankri: That may 6e caused 6y the fact that y9u speak using s9 many triggers. I think y9u c9uld 6ec9me…

**Livvy covers Kankri's mouth with her hands. Porrim groans, putting the bucket down.**

**As to not raise any more suspicion, Livvy and Emi Return to the living room. Horuss has set to work fixing the door.**

Livvy: First dare is from…

John: Wait! I'm here!

***John flies down the stairs, a box in his hand.***

**What's that?**

John: Oh, nothing. Just a big box of pranks I bought online!

Rose: Yes. _Nothing._

Kanaya: Your human sarcasm is highly showing.

Rose: That's what I intended.

Emi: (…)

Livvy: (SShhh. We'll get him back later)

**The first da—**

**John, I see you. Don't you dare.**

John: Fiiiiiiiine

**The first dare is from UrfavoriteNepeta:**

**Okaaaay, I don't think you acknowledged my review *Sad face* but that's okay cause' I have more! :33**

**KARKAT: Kiss Dave.**

**JOHN: Push Karkat away from Dave and kiss him way awesomer than Karkat did.**

**DAVE: Comply. If you don't, tell everyone your middle name!**

**Bye Emi! I loved you're truth or dares in Livvykitty's game!**

**BYE EVERYONE! NEPETA LOVES YOU ALL! (Not you Eridan. Or you Cronus.)**

Eridan: Wwoww. Howw unexpected…

Cronus: I'm sure that version of Nep don't know this Cro.

Nepeta: Um, she actually has it right.

Cronus: Pff.

Dave: I see we have yet another shipper.

Livvy: I'm a shipper too!

**Emi's eyes widen.**

Emi: You are?

Livvy: What? I never told you?

**Narrator leans in, eager to hear the author's OTP.**

**If she has one, of course.**

Liv: Nope! I love all the ships!

Eridan: I like you. I have a couple ships you may wanna take a look at.

**Eridan whispers in Livvy's ears. Emi catches a couple ships.**

Emi: *gasp* You ship Erifef too!

Feferi: W)(AT? I mean, du)(, but…you still like me?

Eridan: Don't say it so loudly. **Eridan mumbles. Emi has a newfound respect for the fish boy.**

Emi: Anyone who likes my ships is a friend of mine!

Liv: D'awww, are your dares always so sweet?

Emi: Nope! Now, let the Davekat commence!

**Dave and Karkat share a glance, backing away. Livvykitty takes the opportunity to pull a gun out of her backpack.**

Liv: You've been a little too nice to them lately.

**What? But..oh, just no shooting that thing.**

Karkat: AHH! WHAT THE FUCK? PUT THAT THING DOWN!

Dave: I'd just like to let you all know right now—yolo.

**Liv and Emi simultaneously facepalm. Aranea cringes.**

**With his eyes closed, Dave crashes into Karkat. Karkat can barely hold the kiss, he's internally screaming with pure terror. Half because Terezi is watching, and half because Dave seems to be enjoying this.**

**Dave lets go, wiping his lips.**

Dave: God, Karkat, could you not move for two seconds. Between you moving and your hot breath, it's like kissing the fiery pits of hell during an earthquake.

Karkat: GUESS I NEED FUCKING CLASSES, NOW DON'T I?

Dave: Tonight, in dining room. I know everything. **Dave hands Karkat a business card. Karkat shoves it in his pocket.**

Karkat: I WAS KIDDING.

Dave: Terezi will never know.

**Dave pats Karkat's fluffy hair, making way for the windy boy. Without skipping a beat, John grabs Karkat by the collar. The scene repeats, Karkat being the squeaming baby he is.**

Karkat: MMMPPPPHHHH!

**Once John stops, Karkat blushes. He is dropped to the floor. **

John: Moirails forever!

Karkat: F-FUCK YOU!

**John smiles, leaving the room once more. Dave watches his hood flap behind him.**

Dave: Welp. Guess my middle name will be hidden forever.

Dirk: You didn't even tell me.

Dave: Pre-scratch you is a d—

**Next dare!**

Liv: May I?

**You have my permission.**

Liv: ***ahem* **The next dare is from my dear friend Tailsdoll13:

Liv: Karkat: WAS I…WAS I…

My reaction: I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD I NEARLY CHOKED

*LE MAJYK POOF* *smoke* DAMMIT SMOKE YOU MOTHERFUCKER I CAN'T SEE *coughs* *smoke disappears* Better. *looks around* Shit, this isn't Camp Jupiter. Ah well.

TRUTHS AND DARES

Damara: ああ、バケツ、HM、ダマラ人に非常に多くの潜在的な人？(Ah, so many potential people to pail, hm, Damara?)

Gamzee: Can I just say yOU ARE THE MOTHERFUCKING HAWT DIGGETY BOMB!

Karkat: Shoosh, we all know you like the sloppy makeouts with Nepeta.

Nepeta: Yes, yes, a fine young lady for Mister Vantas.

Mituna and Latula: Do something adorable!

Emi and John: Before I go, I SHALL SERENADE YOU WITH THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE. *coughs*

Emi and John, under a tree;

Doing something they shouldn't be!

Starts with an s, ends with an x;

OMG, they're having sex! *laughs maniacally and disappears in another poof of smoke*

Deranged Shadow Fangirl

Emi: AUGH! No!

John: What is _wrong _with you?

Liv: Ew. Funny, but ew.

**That never happened.**

Emi: Uhhhhhhh….

Vriska: This 8etter not h8ve happened!

Emi: Not at all! That is a different story for another time!

John: And it did not go that far! **John's shrill voice echoes down the stairs.**

Tailsdoll13: (Hehehe)

**Now, Damara, as hysteria rains down upon our protagonists, who would you pail if you had the chance?**

Damara: Have to?

**Yes. I'm afraid Livvy packed well.**

Damara: Rufioh.

Emi: That's great and all, but can we help Tailsdoll13 to the EmixJohn story?

**Liv, Emi and Equius pick Shazer up and carry her to a mystical door.**

Tailsdoll13: Aw, sweet! Another story!

**Shazer is thrown in the vortex, appearing at the other side. Emi and John are kissing passionately.**

**Alpha Emi shuts the door behind her.**

Emi: Now that that's out of the way, we have yet another shipper, one who shares my views.

Nepeta: I thought mew shipped Johnkitty?

**It's a long, complicated story but to keep things simple for certain yellow bloods.**

Mituna: 1 H4V3 Y3LL0W BL00D!

Sollux: 2o do ii. 2he'2 talking about you though.

Mituna: D1D 1 W1N 50M3TH1NG?

Emi: N—

Liv: The prize for being the cutest troll!

**Gold chocolate medal?**

**Nah, I don't have any with me at the moment. To answer Nepeta's question, I ship both. **

Nepeta: Phew! I was so scared fur the last few chaptpurrs!

Liv: Hey, what's wrong with the glass around you, Emily?

**It's my mini fourth wall. Any moment now, it will shatter into a billion tiny pieces for certain humans and trolls to step on with bare feet.**

**Now, again, Mituna and Latula, be your adorable selves!**

Latula: wh4t do 1 do now?

Mituna: 1 C4N G37 7H3 8335!

Emi: No, no you can't.

Latula: oh! 1 h4v3 th3 p3rf3ct 1d34!

**Latula skates out of the room. Cronus takes the moment to switch seats to sit by Mituna.**

Mituna: H1 CR0GNU5!

Cronus: Hey. So, ya thinkin of ditchin the 'rad girl' for a bit?

Mituna: 7UL1P? N0 W4Y! 5H3'5 G3771NG M3 50M37H1NG R1GH7 N0W!

Cronus: Well then, I guess I'll leave you to your retarded business while I talk to Meenah.

**Mituna frowns. Livvy storms up to Cronus, pointing her finger at his face.**

Liv: I NEVER want to see you using that…that _word _to describe Mituna. **Cronus shivers under Livvy's stare.**

**As Livvy returns to her place next to Emi, Latula returns with a shiny new…what is that?**

Latula: th1s 1s tun4's n3w h3lm3t!

Mituna: G45P! 7H47'5 50 R4D!

Latula: 1 got th3 r4dd3st on3 horuss could m4k3.

Horuss: You're welcome.

**Latula places the helmet on Mituna's head and squeezes it over his immense amount of hair. With help from Meenah, the helmet pops into position. Mituna spins around, hugging Latula.**

Mituna: Y0U'R3 7H3 B357!

**D'awww! LatulaxMituna stuff is adorable.**

Kankri: I f9r 9ne think it is triggering t9 many 9f the pe9ple and tr9lls in this r99m and sh9uld st9p 6eing submitted int9 the dares.

Porrim: Bucket, Kankri, remember the bucket.

Kankri: 9f c9urse.

**The next dare is from EclipsedShadows:**

***wriggles in pain***

**Can't...stop...review...try to resist urge...**

**I'm so sorry guys, I can't. I NEED...GamNep.**

**In the closet. Now. 7 minutes. I dare you. Go.**

***whispers* I'm so sorry...but the ships call to me...**

Emi: Finally! A gamnep dare!

Gamzee: I'm PrEtTy SuRe WE'vE hAd a lOt Of ThOsE sIs.

Nepeta: Mew want me to kiss HIM?

Emi: Yup! You two are so cute together! **Nepeta starts to hiss, but pushes the image out of her mind.**

Liv: (Emily, you realize Gamzee was the one who killed Nep, right?)

Emi: (One thing Leos are good at is not looking in the past.)

Liv: (I don't know if it works like that)

Gamzee: C'mOn SiS, lEt'S dO tHe DaRe.

Nepeta: Only beclaws it's you. If it was someone like Ampurra..

Eridan: Yea yea yea, make the prince feel bad.

**Nepeta pounces into the closet, Gamzee taking long steps. His clown shoes 'clop' on the hardwood floor.**

Karkat: PLEASE TELL ME THAT GAMZEE HAD HIS SHITTY SOPOR BEFOREHAND.

Emi: I have that all under control. **Emily points with her eyes to a bowl left on dinner table. There are clumps of slime stuck on the side.**

Liv: Phew! Okay, I have seven minutes on the timer.

**While they are doing that, one last dare for today. This is from Kitkat 12323:**

**Hello! *waves* Kitkat here and I just have to say I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really love your truth&dare fiction (I used 'really' 10 times if you were wondering). It's really funny and you had me laughing until the most recent chapter. Whelp, I just finished reading all the chapters in one day and I guess I wanted to offer some truths/dares.**

**(Pardon if I get anything wrong. I'm still a new reader to Homestuck and I'm only on Act 6 so I may mix up characters ;A;)**

**DARE: for all the kids and post-scratch trolls (this is more like a truth or maybe not...my head hurts just trying to figure it out _ ) say something you like about someone you really hate. It has to be something nice because we seem to have a hard time being nice xD**

**Vriska: Um, well you're my patron troll and we both wear glasses...that's all we really have in common. Sorry, I don't really know how I feel about you because of all the things that happened...**

**DARE: You have to compliment anyone who talks to you for the rest of the chapter. Maybe on something they do well or how they look...stuff like that.**

**Eridan: Well you're my sister's patron troll so I guess I kind of like you for that. **

**DARE: Switch appearances, which includes glasses, accessories, hair, etc. with Cronus for the next two chapters.**

**Rufio: Since You don't get much attention have a tinkerbull cookie *tosses cookie* I like to eat the heads first :P**

**Dave: Watsup, cool dude! DARE: Give Jade a kiss on the cheek (sorry my ships are just...gah!)**

**Er, that's it for now. I don't want to bore you all with my less than stimulating dares. Well, I'll be waiting for the next chapter. Keep up the excellent work Emi!**

**P.S. I know you might have heard about this, but I'm not sure if the way your FF is set up will get you in trouble. I really like the fic and I don't want someone to report you. So just a heads up that it kind of looks like chat format in a way. There are some hardcore people out there who will flame you for it ;A;**

**Kitkat**

Emi: Oh, really? **Emi scrolls down the reviews, tons of Eliminators taking spaces of dares.**

Liv: I hate those guys.

Emi: I think they are trying to attack my Rose army!

Emi: Army! Assemble!

**Tailsdoll13, AwesomePotterLover, Rubicksmaster, mintyMocha and others gather on the front lawn. Parallel to them are explodinghead, catspats31, and potential flamers. With the screech of Kankri's whistle, they clash. As the eliminators start bleeding, Kankri shuts the blinds behind him.**

Emi: This will be a quick battle.

Jane: Oh, I hope no one gets hurt!

Livvy: I trust them to handle this. I have a few _items _if things get out of hand.

**Emi, Liv, Roxy and Jane look through the curtains. The Rose army has disappeared.**

Roxy: Did they die?

Liv: I think they all left.

Jane: Who won?

Emi: Our side, I think. **Emi leans in closer to the window. Dead bodies are evaporating into thin air.**

**DING DING!**

Liv: It's been seven minutes.

Gamzee: Aw, BrO, yOuR mOiRaIl iS a MoThErFuCkIn GoOd KiSsEr.

Equius: Highb100d, please.

Equius: I need a towel.

**Nepeta returns to Meulin, spinning stories of 'pawsible' new ships now that she has kissed the sopor-addicted clown. According to her, it's quite unlikely considering his breath smelled like drugs.**

**Anyway… The kids and post-scratch trolls have dare to get to.**

Emi: (It's getting late!)

Liv: (SShhh!)

**John returns to the living room. Aradia fills him in on what is happening.**

John: Uhhh, I don't really 'hate' anyone! Even Karkat.

Karkat: I'D LIKE TO GO OUT OF ORDER BY SAYING THAT I LIKE YOUR HAIR, JOHN.

John: Thanks!

John:… HEY!

Rose: Hate? I don't use such an emotion on anyone but Jack Noir.

Dave: Gamzee, I ironically can stand the shitty beats you throw down.

Jade: Karkat can be a grump but I don't hate him.

Emi: Okay, so far most of the original kids are pretty okay with everyone.

**Now let's go to the Alpha kids:**

Jane: I don't hate anyone!

Jake: AR, you look especially shiny today.

AR: Sweet.

**Where the hell did you come from?**

AR: Where did YOU come from?

Liv: ***blushes* **That is none of your business!

Emi: Uh, Roxy! It's your turn!

Roxy: The conduce, I lake your trident. Even though you're not here.

Roxy: Condense*

Emi: Okay, try to pick people who are in this room.

Dirk: How about a picture of the condense?

Liv: I guess that works.

**Dirk walks to a picture of the condense (Again, appeared out of nowhere) and punches it. Rips it to shreds. When he is finished, he hands it to Equius, who crushes it in his palm.**

Dirk: She used to have okay hair.

…

**Okay then. Sine Karkat already went, Aradia can start for the trolls.**

Aradia: Vriska, your wings match well with your shoes.

Tavros: uHHH,,, vRISKA. YOU CAN GO OUT WITH A,,,UM,,,BANG?

Vriska: I did have a pretty good 'just' death, didn't i? ::::)

Sollux: Fii2hdiick, you have a good ta2te in cru2he2.

Eridan: Oh real funny, Sol.

Nepeta: Sopurr Gamz33, I like the way your glowing red eyes light up the room?

Gamzee: hE's NoT hErE nOw.

Nepeta: He doesn't count , does he? Well, Ampurra, I like how you have a crush on me!

Eridan: If this wwasn't about hate, I wwould be vvery flattered.

Kanaya: Vriska, I Like Your Fashion Sense.

Vriska: You h8 me?

Kanaya: Yes. After What You Put Me Through, I Am No Longer In The Needs Of Your Friendship.

Vriska: Wh8t did I d8?

Kanaya: It is Of Unimportance Now.

Vriska: Yea, it kind of is! You c8n't 8e leaving me h8nging like this!

Kanaya: You Are Dead. It's Over.

Vriska: Oh c8me 8n!

Vriska: We w8re m8irails at 8ne point!

**Kanaya stiffens at the mention of moiraillgiance. Vriska freezes, then leans toward Kanaya, almost whispering.**

Vriska: You liked me, all this time.

Kanaya: I Have A New Matespirit Now.

**Kanaya turns away. A stunned Vriska returns to her normal posture.**

Vriska: Kanaya, I love how to meddle in everyone's business.

Kanaya: What?

Vriska: It's the 8est when you f8cking don't t8ll anyone about y8ur cr8sh!

Vriska: And th8n, oh th8s is my f8vor8te part, y8u find s8me8ne els8.

Vriska: AND LE8VE TH8 8MOTI8NLY C8NFUS8d G8RL BEH8ND!

**Vriska, with tears in her eyes, charges out of the room, slamming her bedroom door behind her. Kanaya pales in slight horror. Was..was Vriska really acting like this about her?**

Liv: I think we should leave it at that.

Emi: Before we go to bed, Dave kiss Jade.

Liv: And Rufioh, here's a cookie.

**Dave kisses Jade's cheek. She blushes.**

Jade: T-thank you?

**Rufioh catches the cookie that was tossed to him. He names it Doll, then continues to bite its head off. Tavros cringes.**

**Later that night**

* * *

**It's almost midnight and Livvy and Emi are the last ones awake. With only the stars to light the path, they sneak out of their bedrooms. Narrator follows.**

**They tiptoe down the stairs, each footstep another way to be caught. At the bottom, the two characters split up.**

**Livvy grabs her backpack from under the coathanger. She pulls out a bucket. Emi rushes to the kitchen. Careful not to slip on the ice cold tile, she reaches for the top cabinet and knocks off a bottle of powder. It lands on the floor with a thud.**

**Both Emi and Liv freeze. When the coast is clear, they continue gathering materials.**

**Liv meets Emi in the kitchen. Emi smiles at the sight, a small glimmer in her eye. The moon light shines off the metal and the cold sink water flowing into it.**

**Emi, while walking back upstairs, reminds herself to add this to the list of funny but somewhat mean things she's ever done. It's number 1. Or 2, who's counting? Emi isn't the one who plays pranks. But if she does? She goes all out, making sure every detail is perfect. Nothing can go wrong because if she's caught, she will blame herself for everything.**

**And freak out about it for the next three weeks.**

**Luckily, the plan was playing out just as she had hoped, and Emi let out a sigh of relief. In front of her, Liv was holding a full bucket. Emi, unable to lift a bucket of such weight, was left to hold the soap and an extra surprise she hadn't exactly told her partner-in-crime.**

**Opening the door ever-so-slightly, Liv and Emi squeeze through the thin opening. Liv's curls brush over Emily's nose.**

Emi: A-Ah-AHC—

**Liv covers Emi's nose with her hand. The other hand drops to the floor, bucket going along for the ride. Livvy gasps. Emily dives for the bucket, catching it in her hands. She tries as hard as she can not to scream in pain.**

Liv: (SSShhhhh.)

Emi: (Sowy)

**Liv places the bucket in the middle of the room. Jane stirs in her sleep.**

Emi: (I forgot she was in here!)

Liv: (Oh well.)

Emi: (I hope she doesn't mind cotton-scent)

**Liv pours the powder into the water. While she is turned away, Emi shakes up the bottle of whipped cream she had stored in her jacket, spraying it onto her victim's face. Liv almost transports to her side.**

Liv: (What are you doing?)

Emi: (You know how he'll fall into the..)

**John starts to snore. Emi and Liv close their eyes, hoping that John doesn't awaken.**

Liv: (Get to the point.)

Emi: (He'll dry in less than hour, if he even gets wet. Whipped cream won't come off unless he notices.) **Emi sprays the rest of the can along John's body, putting extra on his chest.**

Liv: (What are those?)

Emi: (Whipped cream boobs!) **Emi giggles. Liv hurries to shush her.**

**Once the two pranks are completed, Liv returns to her spot on the guest bed, and Emi her bedroom. Narrator stays for a little while after. She must make sure that the bucket overflows enough that John can feel the full extent of his actions. ;)**

Emi: (SSHHH)

**You're supposed to be asleep!**

Emi: (Nite)

Liv: (NIGHT!) **Liv whisper-yells from the next room over.**

**As Narrator tucks in, she hears two small voices conversing. One seems ditressed, the other surprisingly relaxed.**

Emi: (Kissing practice)

**I knew that.**

**Good night.**

**The next morning**

* * *

**Livvy and Emi walk downstairs together, eagerly awaiting John's reaction to their latest scheme.**

**John Egbert is standing in the middle of the living room, tapping his foot with arms crossed. His body is covered in smeared whipped cream, bubbles latching onto his clothes. The two girls burst into laughter.**

John: Haha real funny guys.

John: You can stop laughing now.

**Karkat comes in from the kitchen. Getting a good look at Egderp, he spits out all of his coffee onto the miserable blue boy.**

Karkat: ARE THOSE BREASTS?

Liv: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Emi: HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

Roxy: Lolz! Looks lake an ocean, if I evar did see one!

Roxy: *like

Liv and Emi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

John: Ugh, you guys are dumb.

Emi: G-get the cameraHAHAHAHA!

**Kanaya pulls out a camera and snaps a pic. It shows a frowning John, covered in bubbles and whipped cream. In the background, two certain hostesses are on the floor, gasping for breath between outbursts of laughter.**

Emi: I am so happy you came.

Liv: So am I!

**:DD**

* * *

**How was that? If you didn't know, Livvykitty's prank was the Bathtub bomb. That means that if you put powder in a bucket, it will overflow with scented bubbles. **

**As some kind of Epilogue to this chapter: Jane was unharmed, even taking bubbles and 'styling' John's hair while he was still asleep. Kankri found the bucket in John's room and didn't have the courage to move it or hide it.**

**Livvy left that afternoon, returning to her truth or dare with a smile on her face and plenty of evil ideas to use on her characters.**

**Don't forget to look up ****Livvykitty**** and read her stories!**


	21. Chapter 21- Happy late Halloween!

**Just an hour after dressing up as god tier Roxy and trick-or-treating with the gang, Narrator sits on the sidewalk, sorting her candy. There are piles of 3 musketeers, skittles, m and m's, lollipops and the unwanted pile of peanut candies.**

Jade: You don't like snickers? They are my favorite!

Kanaya: I Will Gladly Make Use Of Your Paydays.

**Narrator pushes the candies to the eager kids, making sure to cover the tootsie roll pops and dark chocolate minis.**

Meulin: Awww! I love tootsie roll pops. (=ono=)

**Narrator looks at the candy hidden under her jacket. With a longer-than-needed sigh, she hands over a cherry pop.**

Dave: Yo, Rose, do you have any twizzlers?

Rose: As of now, I do not. Damara does though. **Dave looks over at Damara, who is wearing a low-cut police officer outfit. Instead of chopsticks, she had unopened twizzlers in her hair. Both Horuss and Dave silently pull a twizzler out. Damara's shiny midnight black hair falls down to drape over her shoulders. She continues eating her gummy krabby patty.**

Dave: That was easier than I thought it would be.

Horuss: Usually she *s very protect*ve of her candy.

**Damara looks up from the now empty wrapper she is holding. Strands of hair block her eyesight.**

Damara: Candy?

Rufioh: Hey, who took Damara's candy? **Dave and Horuss whistle a soft tune, looking away. **

Nepeta: Mew took Dameowra's candy? Oh no.

Dave: what?

**As Damara slowly reaches for the nonexistent bun at the top of her head, Cronus walks over, a large purple bruise rising on his forehead.**

Rufioh: What happened to you?

Cronus: Damara's candy corn looked so good…so yummy…

**Damara turns her head almost a full 360 degrees to look at Dave and Horuss. She has a creepy smile stretching across her face.**

**The two guys, both wearing bulky costumes, high-tail it out of there.**

Damara: gkbtcrtronptf…

Dirk: I agree with you there.

**Narrator and Emi gather everyone, including Dave and Horrus, and change into normal clothing. Cronus's mermaid costume was slightly confusing.**

Cronus: Wvell, sorry. I didn't knowv that humans make their female mermaids wvear tops.

Emi: You were a female?

Meenah: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH…. Okay I get it now.

**The first dare is from toolazytologin:**

**um heya! My dare is for Aradia and Damara. Watch How to be more Asian (from Youtube's Geek week) :P**

Aradia: This will be fun! **Aradia takes Emi's laptop and places it on her lap. Damara leans over her shoulder.**

**The video plays, Damara stopping it various times, asking what an Asian is. Emi explains that it is someone who lives in the earth continent of Asia. Aradia is unsure what this has to do with her.**

**About halfway through, Aradia turns from the computer screen to see Damara mimicking the sailor-moon hand power thing. Aradia pauses the video.**

Aradia: Damara, I think y0u are taking this a bit t00 far.

Damara: You have to be more Asian!

Aradia: I wasn't any Asian t0 begin with.

**The video finishes. Damara is humming and waving her chopsticks like mini batons. Aradia dodges a chopstick-slap to the face.**

Emi: How was it?

Damara: lonfgutornctbindhoht

Dirk: That was my reaction too.

Emi: Dirk, I am hiring you as our new translator.

Dave: Hey, that spot is mine!

Emi: You know what, as a…goodbye present; I will make you a apple pie for thanksgiving.

Dave: fine, nice to know I'm appreciated.

Dirk: dude, you're taking this a bit too personally.

**Next dare is from Demonofthesilverstars**

**Demon- Why are you back?**

**C- I had to come back. **

**Demon- *facepalm* **

**C- Uncle Cwonus, you and Aunt Meenah arw vewy cute, but haven't done ''it'' yet. Aunt Damawa always said that you need to get laid. **

**Demon- ? Do I dare even ask?**

**C- Nope.**

**Demon- Good, cause I won't. **

**C- Uh... Meulin? I have a little powtable-powtal device rith me... you can see my home if you rant. I doubt you'd rant to see all of it. **

**Demon- Why is that?**

**C- *sigh* I may or may not have caused rhat you humans would call ''family pwoblems''. I haven't talked to Uncle Mituna or Aunt Latula in half a sreep because I bwoke both theiw skateboawds and I set theiw hive on fiwe... by accident,**

**Demon- Pyromaniac much?**

**C- ?**

**Demon- It means that you like to set things on fire and watch them burn. **

**C- I guess. *drops lit match on Demon's socks***

**Demon- *flails around, trying to put out the fire***

**C- Oops...**

**Demon- *dumps feet into pool* Thank god... *pulls off socks* You are lucky, my feet are fine, just hurting. Wonderful. **

**C- Sowwy. **

**Demon- You've been bad, so you get the squirty-squirts. *pulls out spray bottle***

**C- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! RATEW IS EEEEEEVVVVVIIIIILLLLL! *absconds***

**Demon- *runs after her* BITCH GET BACK HERE AND TAKE IT LIKE A TROLL!**

**C- NO! SUCK MY DICK!**

**Demon- THAT IS VERY SEXUAL!**

**C- DON'T CAWE!**

***running continues***

**Demon- *falls over, can't breathe* Help... *crawls a few feet then passes out* **

**C- Yes! Victowy! *pulls Demon's body into a closet and locks it* Hehehehe! **

**Uncle Mituna, Aunty Latula... i'm sowwy... can I get a hug? Please? *Puppy eyes***

Emi: Squirty-squirts? Guther, run!

**A small penguin outside the window drops the glass bottle it was holding before the possibly-dead demon can get to him. Guess we're not using that closet anymore….**

Latula: my hous3? You burnt 1t?

Mituna: 0F C0UR53 Y0U C4N H4V3 4 HUG! **Leaving Latula's arms, Mituna scoops the girl up and squishes her in a suffocating hug. Latula is a bit more reluctant, but joins in the hug anyway.**

**With a flash of light, both the passed out demon and the troll disappear. Mituna's arms are left empty.**

Mituna: 1 R34LLY L1K3 7H47 7R0LLL!

Latula: sh3 s33ms ok4y

**Wow, these dares are going faster than usual.**

Cronus: Is nobody goin to mention the fact I still havwn't gotten laid?

Meenah: that ain't right. if we got married, I said if, I'd be all up on this guy fishter than human Oprah makes a thousand boonbucks.

**The next dare is from Chickendoodle3:**

**Holy crap this story is awesome! :3 so anyway...**

**Gamzee dare- I dare you to have a sloppy make out with tavros (otp!) **

**Karkat dare- I dare you to smile for 5 minutes (if he fails he must be locked in a room with a pile of buckets for as long as the author wants) **

**Nepeta dare- I dare you to eat (or whatever cats do with catnip) catnip and act adorable**

**Fef truth- if you had to pick to be someone's personal slave for the day, who would you pick? **

**Terezi dare- pick a random person or troll and every time they try to talk lick them**

**Ok well that's all for now *jumps on a rainbow dolphin and majestically fangirl squeals all the way home***

Emi: Rainbow dolphin? Do you have an extra? Please!

Nepeta: Do mew remember what happened last time I had catnip?

Karkat: SHE'LL BE SEEING RAINBOW DOLPHINS IF SHE DOES THE FUCKING DARE.

Meulin: I see them all the time! Most of the dolphins are green though. Not sure why.

Terezi: PRO4B4LY TH3 DRUGS. CROOK. :]

Kurloz: :0(

**Geez, it was like, one bag of catnip. How long is this going to last?**

Terezi: JUST1C3 1S N3V3R RUSH3D!

Karkat: IS THAT WHY IT TOOK SO FUCKING LONG TO FIND THE CULPRIT? OR BECAUSE HER PLANNING WAS…OUT OF SIGHT.

**Emi and Karkat high five. Terezi rolls her eyes.**

Emi: Since I've got that smile on you, Karkat, stay like that.

Karkat: HUH?

Emi: Keep smiling!

Karkat: BUT I DON'T WANT TO—**Emi snaps a picture, putting it in a small scrapbook. This rare occurance is almost never caught on tape but thanks to the fabulous camera crew, this picture can be viewed by all if science. Quite an odd specimen to be seen so far into the truth or dare game**

Emi: Nepeta, here is your catnip. I think you sniff it.

Nepeta: I've eaten it befur and it has the same efurct. Should I eat it?

Meulin: Actually, the best way is to smoke it.

Nepeta: Smoke? Oh, I couldn't!

Equius: I will not allow my moirail to endanger her health in this way.

Roxy: L-listan to me garl. If u want to get riad of all youar pain, u drown it in acholol.

Nepeta: but I'm supposed to be smoking catnip!

Roxy: Drugs whatever. U have pain, don't ya?

Nepeta: No

Roxy: what abouat that guy…Karkish

Nepeta: Karkitty?

Roxy: Don't u like him?

Nepeta: Well yea but—

Roxy: Does it hart that he doesn't luke u?

Nepeta: Sorta but not a lot. I usually don't furcus on it.

Roxy: Well, if this makes it easieir, pretend tat if u smoke, then karklash can b ur biyfreind,

Nepeta: NO!

Nepeta: I don't purrtend like that! Karkitty doesn't mean THAT much to me!

Karkat: HEY!

Nepeta: Sorry, it's just efurryone thinks that my whole life circmewlates around mew!

Roxy: Beleive that's the truth. Clear your mand except for Karclap

Roxy: Just cluse yur eyes and…pofff!

Nepeta: I can try… DD:

Karkat: WAIT NEPETA ARE YOU SERIOUSLY DOING THIS?

**Nepeta takes a lit catnip-stick thing and places it in her mouth. She blows air out, smoke lifted into the air. Emi and Karkat start to cough.**

Emi: Augh! That smells disgusting!

Karkat: I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE IS ACTUALLY DOING THIS FOR ME. SHE IS FUCKING SMOKING BECAUSE HER NOOKSNIFFING QUALTIES AREN'T TO MY LIKING. THAT'S INSANE. **Karkat barely manages to keep his smile.**

**It must be truuue love!**

Emi: True love!

**It must be TRUE LOVE!**

Emi: Cause no one else-

Nepeta: Heeeeey Karkitty! **Narrator and Emi are interrupted by an airy, almost wispy voice.**

Karkat: OH NO

Nepeta: Equius Equius Equius!

Equius: Yes?

Nepeta: Does my meowrail want some cereal?

Equius: Not exactly, it is getting late for such activites

Nepeta: I'll go make 100 bowls!

Emi: What the heck? Nepeta you don't look too good.** Nepeta is shaking, her teeth chattering. The pipe is hung over the corner of her mouth.**

Porrim: Meulin, when yo+u smo+ke these, aren'y yo+u relaxed?

Meulin: Pretty much. It depends on the troll though. Since we have the same blood color, we should be getting the same effects.

Emi: Unless…

Kanaya: Who Filled That Roll Of Catnip?

Gamzee: ThAt WoUlD bE mE bRo.

Kanaya: Where Did you Find That Catnip?

Gamzee: Oh, I cOuLdN't FiNd AnY cAtNiP sO I FiLlEd It WiTh ThE nExT bEsT tHiNg.

**Gamzee takes the pipe out of Nepeta's mouth, blows it out, and unrolls it. Sopor slime and small crystals are burnt inside.**

Meulin: Well, that makes more sense. Sopor slime reacts the same for all blood colors though.

Aranea: Unless another substance acts upon it. What are those crystals?

Emi: Looks like pop rocks.

Gamzee: I lOoKeD iNsIdE tAvBrO's CaNdY bAg AnD fOuNd ThoSe ThInGs.

Kanaya: Tavros, What Candy Did You Get Tonight?

Tavros: uHHHH ACTUALLY. I GAVE MY BAG TO vRISKA

Vriska: I had skittles and lollipops and Mr. Good8ars and Tootsie rolls and pop rocks and Kitkats and Sugar 8abies and Gum.

Emi: I knew it! Those are pop rocks!

Kanaya: Oh Dear. Pop Rocks, In Troll Society, Are Highly Poisonous And May Lead To Hyperactivity.

Kankri: D9n't f9rget p9ssi6le death.

Equius: ***sweating* **Death?

Meulin: That's only if you smoke a lot.

Kanaya: Indeed. In Order For It To Be Lethal, You Would Have To Ingest Them. If You Smoke Them, About Five Packets Would Send An Average Highblood Into A Coma.

Vriska: Good thing I didn't eat those. **Vriska flings a packet of pop rocks out of her bag. It lands at Gamzee's feet.**

**As Trolls explain the side effects of one of Emi's favorite candies, Nepeta pounces into the kitchen. John follows behind, making sure to cover his scent from reaching the wrong blind girl noses.**

John: (Psss, Nepeta. What are you doing?)

Nepeta: Cereal!

John: (SSSHHHH! I'm here to help you!)

Equius: ***from inside* **Do you hear something?

Horuss: *t's probably the wind. **Horuss pats Equius's shoulder and turns him once more to the conversation. The clear evening sky outside shines in the corner of Equius's eyes.**

John: (That was close! Now, you know how to make cereal, right?)

Nepeta: (Uhh, I don't remember!)

John: (Hehe)

John: (Okay, I'll show you how.)

**Narrator stops watching the two, a loud sigh from Karkat catching her attention.**

Karkat: HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO MAKE THIS IDIOTIC FACIAL EXPRESSON?

Emi: Oh, your dare was over a long time ago.

Karkat: ***frowning* **AND YOU WERE TELLING ME THIS WHEN?

John: (Now, take out the milk. Almond milk works fine.)

***whispers* What is going on back there?**

**Alright, Gamzee and Tavros, you guys can go in the closet. The demon is gone now.**

Tavros: THERE'S NO BLOOD,,,RIGHT?

Gamzee: NaH, bRo. He JuSt PaSsEd OuT. **Gamzee opened the walk-in closet. Other than a spit mark, the closet floor is clean. Tavros shuts the door behind him.**

Nepeta: (Hehehe)

John: (Cocoa puffs or frosted flakes?)

Nepeta: (Both!)

John: (Oh my god, Emi's going to be so pissed. That'll show her) **Narrator gasps.**

**Emi! John is doing something and I don't what it is but it's something and it sounds like you aren't going to like it!**

Emi: Not again! **Emi pushes through the crowd, storming into the kitchen. Her face is a deep red, fists clenched at her sides.**

**In front of her, on the floor, is Nepeta. She is making milk-angels. On top of her is a mixture of different cereals. She is lying on a large puddle of milk.**

**In the corner, John is spraying Emi with milk in a spray bottle.**

Emi: AUGH!

John: The demon taught me this one!

Nepeta: Come try this!

Emi: ***internally screams***

John: Emily?

Rose: John, can you not get us kicked out?

Dave: Dude, this has really gone too far.

Emi: I'm not kicking anyone out. I'm just a bit short-tempered, that's all.

**It's one of the few things we have in common. Other than being the same person.**

Emi: I wish we weren't

Dirk: You've got an alternate too?

**Actually, I'd consider myself as the alpha**

Emi: HA! Yeah right.

**Let's see, the alpha is whoever gets to god tier first. *gasp* Guess I win!**

Emi: I existed first!

**Nuh uh! I've been alive for over thirteen years. Your story ****starts**** at thirteen years.**

Emi: You say High Gamzee, I say sober Gamzee

**You can't compare the two Gamzee's like that! They aren't tomatoes you pronounced wrong. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to finish the dare so I can get to cleaning this mess.**

**Tez, did you pick your person?**

Karkat: I BET IT'S GOING TO BE SOME DOUCHEBAG LIKE STRIDER.

Dave: Let's see. **Dave and Karkat sit, legs crossed and hands folded. Terezi crawls over to Karkat, then stops.**

**With an almost silent, sweet sigh, Terezi leaves Karkat's side and licks Dave's face. Karkat frowns and rests his face on his hand. **

Dave: Knew it. Ironic, your crush goes to the one you hate the most.

Karkat: IRONIC, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. ONE, I NEVER SAID I 'HATE' YOU—

Dave: Actually, you've said that multiple times.

Karkat: AND TWO, SHE'S NOT MY CRUSH

Dave: Are you sure? I've been reading your diary, and it sounds like you are drooling over Tez.

Karkat: I DON'T OWN A DIARY! WHAT IS THIS SHIT ANYWAY…

***Looking over Dave's shoulder, a familiar website comes into view* Don't go on that!**

Vriska: Look, it's that orange guy!

Dave: Is that Bro? Oh my god…

Emi: Get off of MSPA! **Emily reaches over multiple grey arms, x-ing out the page and all the tabs behind it.**

John: I can't believe it I'm on the internet!

Eridan: I can't believe I'm on the internet… **Eridan scrolls through pictures of him as a pathetic lump of fish.**

Rose: They have captured my essence surprisingly well.

**Alright, get off of this. I already told you what the fandom thinks of you. Or what fangirls think , one of those, I can barely remember.**

Tavros: uHHH, YOU ACTUALLY FORGOT ABOUT ME,

**I did? *Reads through past chapters.* Oh. Sometimes I forget about you sometimes. **

Vriska: It's so easy, right? ;;;;)

Emi: I've got this. Okay Tav, you have many fangirls who, um, really like how adorable you are.

Gamzee: AdOrAbLe? TaV iS mOtHeRfUcKiNg CuTe aS sHiT. aDoRaBlE dOeSn'T cUt It.

Emi: Sorry, he's 'Motherfucking cute'

Vriska: I wouldn't say thaaaaaaaat.

**To wrap things up, Feferi, who would you be a servant to? *Eridan wiggles his eyebrows suggestively***

Feferi: Sollux?

Sollux: That would be 2liightly creepy to have my mate2priit a2 my 2ervant.

Feferi: I agree.

Eridan: Ehh. I'm pretty passive about it.

Sollux: Nobody a2ked for your opiiniion.

Eridan: ***middle finger***

Nepeta: hehehe!

* * *

**Happy late Halloween! Yes, I was god tier Roxy and only two people knew who I was! DD:**

**As for the whole pop rocks thing, I have no idea how trolls react to candy canonically. I made that up, but it sounds realistic, don't you think?**

**:DD**


End file.
